With grace, warmth and a touch of humor Ann Douglas and Dr. John Sussman tackle the myths and truths about miscarriage, stillbirth and infant death in their newly released book, Trying Again. They bridge the doctor-patient barrier and address questions grieving parents most want answered.

As parents who experience loss understand, not all pregnancies end in a pink or blue bear sitting at the end of their baby's hospital bassinet. Babies die before, during or directly after birth for more reasons than most parents realize. In some cases, death results from a severe fetal defect. Others involve a problem with the placenta or the cord, blood incompatibility or uncontrolled maternal diabetes. However, in as many as one in three cases, cause of death is unknown.

"Trying Again" explains many causes of pregnancy loss and infant death, and deals with them in understandable language. Parents talk openly about pregnancy after loss, why couples don't always agree on timing of a subsequent pregnancy and coping with fears of repeated loss. Presented in a style that feels more like a chat across the kitchen table than an analytical medical discussion, their book offers practical advice balanced with accounts of loss and success of more than 100 parents.

Ann Douglas and Dr. Sussman discuss preconception health and deal with the emotional highs and lows of pregnancy, delivery and postpartum after a loss. They validate parents' kaleidoscope of feelings during a subsequent pregnancy. "Like it or not, the innocence that you enjoyed when you found yourself pregnant for the first time is gone forever. You can't get it back," says Ann.

People grieve differently, and couples may find it hard to agree on the timing of another pregnancy. If and when they decide to conceive again they struggle with how to tell the world. Some tell no one, waiting until they feel more secure about the outcome. Some tell close family and friends, while others tell everyone right away. "Trying Again" shows why couples choose different routes after their baby's death.

Meet Ann Douglas
After delivering three healthy babies, an umbilical knot robbed her of her daughter Laura in 1996 at 26 weeks gestation. It didn't take Ann long to discover that nearly all pregnancy books gloss over the issue of pregnancy loss. Ann Douglas, author of 14 books, wrote the book she couldn't find but needed after her daughter's stillbirth.

"I felt betrayed when I picked up my copy of 'What to Expect When You're Expecting' and found just a few short paragraphs about stillbirth," says Ann. "The more I learned about stillbirth, the angrier I became. I had always believed that I was 'out of the woods' as soon as I completed the first trimester of pregnancy. Now I felt like I had been conned by one of the biggest lies imaginable."

Ann wrote "Trying Again" in an attempt to answer her own questions. "How soon can we conceive again? Will I have a happier outcome? How will I cope with 40 weeks of pregnancy and subsequent delivery?"

Ann's husband, Neil, wasn't as ready for another pregnancy. "He knew how important it was for me, so he agreed to start trying as soon as we got the go-ahead from our family doctor," says Ann. Her doctor advised them to wait two or three menstrual cycles, but Ann got pregnant during their first cycle of trying. "I was totally obsessed with the idea of becoming pregnant -- I spent a small fortune on fertility books and ovulation predictor kits," she says.

Ann and Neil's family were very nervous and wondered how they would cope if they were to experience another loss. The Douglas' told friends and family their good news on what should have been Laura's due date: January 11, 1997. They chose to reveal her pregnancy early and rely on the support and love from those around them. "I know they were all very relieved when Ian arrived safely," she says. "He didn't replace Laura, but he gave me a reason to be joyful again."

Ann acknowledges that she's not the same person she was before Laura's death. She commemorates and honors her daughter's short life in many different ways. Ann founded a local pregnancy loss support network (something widely available in larger centers, but not in her small community) and serves on the board of directors. Ann and Neil also make donations in Laura's name to various charities. These actions help them to reach out to others who have experienced the heartbreak of stillbirth.

Ann believes that parents need to talk about their suffering with other parents who experience miscarriage, stillbirth or infant death. "Grief can be an exhausting emotion -- one that demands more of your time and attention than you want to give," she says. Her book "Trying Again" offers comfort in communal loss and hope, as well as practical medical advice and tips for couples who are ready to try again.