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Praying for Snow, Aunt Eleonore
and a Healthy Son
A Religious Perspective on Adoption
By Betsy Buckley
Excerpted with permission from The Greatest Gift: Reflections on International and Domestic Adoption

When it became clear that our fertility treatments were more than likely to be unproductive and my husband and I had decided to adopt a child, I relied on prayer as a coping mechanism through what seemed to be a horribly long waiting process. I prayed often during the course of adopting our son, perhaps because I was used to asking God for all sorts of things as a child: for lots of snow, for a day off from school, for my pet guinea pig to get well, for my Aunt Eleonore to somehow move back home from far away places and for hundreds of kid's things, now lost in oblivion.

As an adult, I prayed for the right partner and a happy marriage. And I'd prayed, too, for a family. So when it came time to adopt, asking God for a healthy son came easy. In the end, I came to need prayer like I needed to eat, because some things in life were simply too complex to grasp without it. What I didn't understand for a long time was the type of family God wanted me to have.

Some parents interviewed specifically cited Biblical verses as testament to their beliefs. Diane, the wife in one couple that had gone through an international adoption, said, "God promises to give children to the childless wife, so that she becomes a happy mother (Psalm 113:8), and I can see now that for us, adoption may be the fulfillment of that promise."

Others simply attributed their fortune – good or bad – to God. "It was meant to be," more than one parent said, and "God heard our prayers" was repeated over and over. For Helen from Michigan, it was God's decision that she would not be able to bear children, and she accepted her fate as His will. Another woman felt that God was punishing her for some reason by making her unable to conceive. Most parents, however, felt that God was merciful and was leading them onward. One mother said she felt the Holy Spirit working within her throughout the course of their Russian adoption. It was God, ultimately, that would give these people the strength to work through whatever difficulties they encountered, not their spouses or their neighbors.

Often people reached out to their parishes, churches and synagogues for support, camaraderie and advice. One adoptive mother said that a friend from their church fellowship offered the support they so badly needed. "We must acknowledge our friend, Joe, who really started us on the current path to adoption," she told me. "At Saturday morning prayer meetings my husband would share with Joe the emotional burden of wanting children but not being able to have any. One day, Joe gave my husband an article that had appeared in a Baptist newsletter about infertile couples. It inspired us to seek other infertile couples for fellowship."

Among the adoptive parents I interviewed, some were practicing Christians; others were simply living the kind of life they felt Christ wanted them to live; others were members of the Jewish faith; others followed Hinduism; and some, though they considered themselves spiritual, did not follow any specific organized religion. Finally, a small group I interviewed didn't mention any religious affiliation, but found solace instead in journal writing, meditation and talking with people in similar situations. Regardless of their religious or spiritual orientation, many adoptive parents felt they could "walk" through the more difficult issues with God's helping hand.

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About the Author: Betsy Buckley is the author of The Greatest Gift. She lives in St. Louis with her husband and their two children, both of whom where adopted from Guatemala.

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