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Expert Q&A
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| By David L. Fay, M.D. Family Physician Associate Director, Waukesha Family Practice Residency Program | ||
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Before having children, my wife and I had sex nearly every day. Now my wife seems to have lost interest. I know this is normal right after childbirth, but our kids are now 3 and 7. Why is this happening and what can I do to get us back on track?
This is a very common problem. Various studies report 20 percent to 50 percent of women have some sort of sexual dysfunction. However, even in a situation where women report no complaints about their sex life, their spouses are frequently unhappy about the frequency of the sex act.
One of the problems is that men and women have different physical compositions: Women's hormones make their sexual desire cyclical, while men have a constant level of hormones and therefore a constant sex drive. This difference in need causes many problems.
There are many factors that contribute to the change in frequency of sex. Most often, it is caused by a decrease in the sex drive (libido). As previously stated, men and women are naturally different in this area. Other things can affect sex drive, however. When it comes to sex, men are more visual, more quickly aroused, and are less affected by other things around them. Women prefer an environment free of distraction and require longer for arousal.
It is very common for a woman's libido to decline after having a baby. This is because of hormonal changes, lack of sleep, and a sense of higher priority for other things, such as taking care of the baby and the house ("nesting").
Occasionally, other physical or psychological problems can lead to a decrease in libido. For instance, depression frequently causes a lessened sex drive.
After three to seven years, one would not expect the physical issues to be playing as large a role as the psychological and marital issues. Many times the husband is not very helpful around the house, and while women usually do not "punish" their husbands by withholding sex, this marital stress does inhibit their sex drive.
A husband can help the situation by sharing in the care of the children and the home, and by taking the time to enhance the environment. In addition, couple or individual counseling may be needed.
