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Jessica's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 10/3/00 -------------------- 9/27/00 9/24/00 9/14/00 9/6/00 8/24/00 8/9/00 8/2/00 7/19/00 7/12/00 7/10/00 6/20/00 6/8/00 6/1/00 5/16/00 5/5/00 5/4/00 4/25/00 4/17/00 4/6/00 3/29/00 3/14/00 3/8/00 2/27/00 2/12/00 -------------------- Jessica's Introduction

October 3, 2000

My first clue that labour would be coming on soon was the morning of Saturday, Sept. 23, 2000. I got out of bed and made my usual waddle over to the bathroom and I saw that I had some bloody show in the toilet. So, I figured that labour would start sometime in the next few days. I called Emma, one of the midwives in my practice, just to make sure that it was, in fact, bloody show and she confirmed it. That same day, my good friend Lorig shows up at my house and announces that she's taking me to Scalini's Italian restaurant to have their meat sauce so we can get this baby out. I was more than happy to go along with her suggestion so off we went! I had ravioli with the meat sauce and within no time became rather ill. I didn't figure I'd kept enough of the stuff down to possibly get labour going! So, I went home and went about my business and decided to run out to the grocery store for a snack at about 10:30 that night.

On my way home, at exactly 11 p.m., I felt my first contraction. It was really mild, but definitely not a Braxton-Hicks contraction! I wasn't really sure it was a contraction, so I let it slide, but soon enough I was feeling them about every 6 minutes. They were uncomfortable, but nothing I couldn't handle. I just wandered around the house and wondered if this was really labour or just another false alarm.

I had been staying with my grandparents in Atlanta so I could birth at Northside hospital and my husband, Don, was still at our house in Montgomery, Ala. that weekend. I called him at about 1 a.m. and let him know this *could* be it and then I decided to try and catch some sleep. I was woken up several times during the night to more contractions coming and finally, at 5 a.m., I just couldn't sleep through them anymore. I called my husband and told him this was definitely it and to get his butt to Atlanta! He mumbled something about not getting any sleep and I believe I told him to shut up because at least he wasn't in pain!

I made an estimate that I'd probably have a baby by about 6 p.m. that evening. Made sense to me, after all. My grandmother’s LONGEST labour was six hours and my mom’s labour with me was only about 12 hours. So, I had my sister come up to the house and we went walking to try and speed things up a bit. We went down to the hospital to be checked at about 9 a.m. and found that I was still only about 2-3 centimeters and 50 percent effaced so there really hadn't been any change since my last appointment. We went back home and I tried to get some sleep, but the contractions mostly kept me awake.

At 2 p.m. things started really picking up. My contractions went from 5 minutes apart to 3 minutes and they were really rather painful. Lorig came over to help Don and me and she timed them for us. Don was a great help. He ran through our Bradley relaxation with me and kept me as calm as possible. I spent a lot of time in the bathtub and lying on the bed. Walking was practically unbearable at this point. I was breathing through the contractions and relaxing really well. Occasionally I would moan really loudly when a strong contraction hit and I would sometimes say some rather mean things to Don, but I was really proud of how I was handling things.

At 5 p.m., everything started to feel different. The contractions started to feel VERY intense and I had a hard time relaxing through them. We moved down to the hospital and found that I was 90 percent effaced and 5-6 centimeters. The baby had moved down just a little bit more and was at -2 station. We weren't leaving that hospital without a baby! I tried walking, but it was still too painful. I couldn't lay on my side because that was too intense, also! The only position I could be comfortable in was sitting straight up in the bed. During the pains I would chew very hard on a towel so I could handle the pain. I got back into the bath and the shower occasionally and mostly just spent time trying to visualize the baby moving downward and opening me up.

As time went on, everything got more and more difficult to deal with and before I knew it, I was screaming with every contraction. There was no way to relax through it. Moving hurt. Breathing hurt. And at 12:05 a.m., 26 hours after my labour began, my water broke. That sent me off the deep end. I was still only 6-7 centimeters and 90 percent effaced and I was losing it. I was suffering from exhaustion and I needed sleep badly. So, at the 28-hour mark, after a LOT of thinking and agonizing, I decided to accept a shot of morphine just to help me sleep between contractions. We decided that I was in transition and had been for hours so it was much needed. The morphine slowed my labour for a while, but it gave me a much needed break.

It did a lot of good until about 5 a.m. I was at 8 centimeters then and 100 percent effaced. Everything changed yet again. I was screaming bloody murder and was starting to talk epidural, even though I didn't really mean it. I was still too afraid of it. At this point, I'd been running on about four hours of sleep for 30 hours! We did all that we could to help me, but it did no good. The pains went on for another four and a half hours without letting up at all. At that point, I'd been crying and throwing up and just couldn't take any more.

My midwife agreed that it had gone too far and agreed to let me have the epidural no matter how far I was. I asked to be checked, though, so I could make the decision then. Good thing, though, because I was at 10 centimeters finally!! But I had a lip of cervix left :/. I was told not to push until my midwife got there, no matter what. At one point, Don was on one side of me telling me to push anyway, the nurse was on the other side saying, "No, don't push!" and I was in the middle just crying and finally I just looked at both of them and screamed, "Both of you just shut up! If you don't, I'll kick every one of you out of this room, and that includes you, Don!" They just gave me that "deer caught in the headlights" look and didn't say another word to me for about five minutes.

Pretty soon I was feeling the urge to push just a teeny bit, even though I didn't know it, and I had to scream to keep from involuntarily pushing. I pity anyone who might have been standing near my room in early labour, listening! My midwife, Kate, came in and tried to get me to push past it with her holding the lip back, but I was just so tired. I had no strength or endurance left. Yet again, I asked for the epidural. This was the only time that I asked for it that I truly felt I would get it no matter what. The other time I thought that if I were close, I wouldn't get it. They got so far as putting in the IV and then they talked me into trying to push just a bit more before the epidural man got there. When I started to push again, my body finally kicked into gear. I actually felt a slight urge to push and I got a rush of energy. After four or five contractions, we got his head past the lip! I then decided not to bother with the epidural. It was truly almost over even though they were predicting one to two hours of pushing time for me.

Don was supposed to catch the baby so he ran off to wash his hands while I started really pushing. I pushed just a little bit so that it wouldn't hurt so badly. As I got ready to stop pushing, my body, yet again, took over! I simply couldn't stop pushing! Kate said it was perfectly OK to keep pushing as long as I felt I had to. There was just no way not to push as long as I was having a contraction, and the contractions were only a minute apart.

Time gets blurry here, but after what was really about 15 minutes (felt more like 5 to me), they grabbed the mirror and told me to look. I saw a little patch of hair down there! Oh, the energy that gave me! I pushed and pushed and watched my beautiful son come into this world and into his father’s hands. Don was crying as he placed Benny up onto my stomach. I just stared at him and smiled and told him I loved him. I cut the cord and then nursed him to symbolize the end of our pregnancy relationship, and the beginning of our relationship as a mother and son outside the womb. Don went with him so they could do his vitals and weight and such. His Apgars were 9 and 9! He was 8 pounds, 2 ounces and 19 inches long. I had a very small internal tear and a skid mark outside but no stitches.

The last thing I remember is being surrounded by my family and friends as they gazed at my son and I was so happy. As soon as they left, I passed out for about two hours, waking up occasionally to see Don holding Benny and singing to him.

I think this has been the most painful and wonderful experience of my life. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I would do it again in a heartbeat. I know I can do it now so the fear won't be so great next time. Kate didn't deliver my son -- I birthed him and it is the most life-changing experience any woman can have, I believe. And all worth it. More than ever now, I want to become a midwife and help others to experience this. To help them know what it is to birth their children and to know that their body does know what it's doing and that you CAN make it through, no matter how long it lasts. I am so grateful that I have my family now, and I never want to forget this experience.

-Jess
and Baby Bug Benjamin born 09/25/00