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Heidi's Diary Entries

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January 16, 2001

Hi everyone!
I wanted to send a big "Hi" out to my new friends Melanie and Marsha! They are two of my dedicated diary readers and I had the pleasure of having lunch with them on Saturday. It was a blast!

I am currently in the 2ww but since the BDfest was cut short due to this nasty cold I caught I am not really expecting anything to happen. I didn't even use my fertility monitor this month. I have been in a bit of a wait-and-see kind of mood lately. I know that in February it will be two years of TTC and I am preparing myself for a particularly hard month.

Right now I am completely divided about our TTC efforts. I desperately want to further our TTC efforts. I found a RE that offers a free consultation and I am so curious to go and see what he says, but I know what will happen. I am going to see him and he will want to do more tests and I will get all excited and will want to go for it full tilt, but having no insurance for fertility how will that be possible? My husband wants to get an MBA and take flying lessons, I will need a new car soon and I also want to go back to school, which brings me to my other state of mind. I really want to get my teacher's certification here because if I don't have kids or even if I do, when they are older, teaching is what I want to do.

I love going to school and I am really looking forward to it but the real question is can I really put my biological drive for a baby on hold and try to forget about it in order to concentrate on getting a teacher's certification? I really don't know. I think that if we just keep trying on our own and I do get pregnant then YIPEEE, and if not I will do my school. But I really want to know what is up with my body and why we haven't been able to get pregnant yet. I mean, I'm not 20 anymore; I will be 30 this year and my DH is 37 so I really feel the pressure of time. I just don't have the time or money to do everything that I need to do! HELP!!!! If you can figure my life out please let me know, 'cause I can't!!!

I received some upsetting news from my best friend last week. She found out that her boyfriend had been starting to see someone else. Needless to say it came as a BIG surprise seeing that they were starting to make serious wedding plans once he finished police college. His only excuse was that things weren't as exciting as they used to be. What did he expect? They have been together for two years and of course they aren't out partying every night! He's also 32 years old -- don't you think he would be over that stage by now? Anyway, Krista is devastated and I feel so bad for her. I wish I weren't so far away. She is terrified to be alone and that is a big problem. They decided that they would split while he is away at police college and that when he is done they will reevaluate their relationship and maybe see a counselor. I really hope they can hold it together because they do make a great couple.

Talk to you next week!

Heidi



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