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September 5, 2001
C#10, CD#33, 14-15 dpo
Hi Ladies,
Do you know the expression, "It ain't over til the fat lady sings?" Well, I think the old fat lady (AF) is singing herself over to me. Darn it, and I was really hoping I'd have some good news to share! I felt nauseated all weekend, even threw up Saturday night, and I've had my longest LP ever this cycle (it's never been over 12 days). And yet, as if to add further insult to the - hpt this morning, I started spotting. It's only a matter of time before I move on to cycle 11. So glad to know I was throwing up and queasy for no good reason.
We have also passed the one-year mark of TTC. It came and went rather quietly, and I didn't realize it until I was looking over my charts and saw that our first cycle of TTC started on August 28, 2000. So, I guess I can officially wear my big "I" for Infertile. Has anyone ever read "The Scarlet Letter"? I read it in high school, and it's about this woman who has to wear a big red "A" around her neck after comitting adultery. Lately I feel like I've got this big mark of infertility stamped on me, like no matter what I do or how positive I am, it's all to no avail. I know there is some master plan in the works here, but I've just grown so tired of trying to figure out what it is. I guess I'm not supposed to try and figure it out, but it's so hard to be patient.
Needless to say, I am not in my most positive mood right now. I probably sound more down than I am. On a good note, my progesterone was nice and high again, so at least Clomid's making me ovulate. We'll try it again this cycle, then I'll get a referral to the RE and take a break until I go to see him. He is the doctor that my doctor went to for her IVF (she has an almost two year-old now), so I'm sure he is quite capable, but I'm just not looking forward to that next step and all the tests and procedures that will undoubtedly go with it. While on the one hand I'd like to think that maybe it will not go that far, I also know that I should prepare myself for the fact that it just might. Such a hard balance to keep!
That's all there is here, folks. I promise that by the time I write my next entry I will be in much better spirits, but I just don't feel up to it today.
As always, my thoughts are with all of you who are also TTC and those who are newly pregnant. Good luck!
Take care,
Laura
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