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September 24, 2003
Hello, everyone!
Before I jump into this entry I want to say “hi” to the ladies who have posted on my board—I’d love to meet more people so please stop by (yes, the button STILL doesn’t work…but as Chris pointed out if it took two years to get a diary why should I expect a fully functioning one in two months!).
I also forgot to mention that in cycle 17 poor Chris was rushed to the ER with a bad case of pancreatitis and obstructive jaundice thanks to gallstones lodged in his bile duct. Since I’m so lucky, that was the day I got the peak on my FM…and despite begging him (TTC makes you desperate, you know) to BD in the bathroom in his hospital room there was no well-timed nooky that cycle. So the BFN was all his fault. Thanks for taking one for the team, big guy. ;) Don’t worry—he’s fine now I’m really not that heartless!
This week has been busy in TTC (or dare I write IVF) land. On Monday I had my IVF physical—they did a breast exam, checked my blood pressure (nice and low), heart and lungs. They were going to do a dreaded pap, but since I’d had one in May I was safe! Then on Tuesday I had a cervical mapping done so they could do measurements which will help them with the transfer. I was nervous (given my deep rooted fear of catheters) and when I asked how long it would take the doctor (who is HOT, by the way!) told me 10 seconds to 10 minutes. Thankfully it was closer to the 10 second mark and he did a great job. I wish he had done my IUIs! They also changed my protocol a bit, but I’ll get to that in another entry.
Now I’m going to tell you all about IVF #1.
I began Lupron on June 10 (CD 21) at 20 units a day. Let me tell you, that stuff is evil in a jar. I have never felt such rage as I did while on that drug. I remember one day I was making photocopies at work. Since the school year was over (remember I work at a university), NO ONE was around. So I let the machine do its thing while I ran to the ladies’ room to do mine. ;) I was gone less than a minute and in that time some jerk had removed my documents and was using the copier (not the one right next to it that completely free) and using my department’s billing code. Well you would have thought he was murdering my family. I was so seriously angry—beyond what I should have been. I know what the incredible hulk feels like! I also had tons of tiny bruises from the shots—no idea why—again that stuff is just evil!
June 20, I had my baseline u/s and blood work. My u/s was clear and my E2 was 33 so I was able to start Follistim (3 amps a day). Lupron was reduced to 10 units a day. What a difference that made—I felt human again!
June 25, I had my first real u/s check. I was SO disappointed. I only had seven follicles. My E2 was 243 and I was told that this was a good response. SNORT. I was a mess that day let me tell you.
June 28, My E2 was up to 936 and this time I had a whopping nine follicles. I know that this is a good response for some women, but I had 11 follicles (only 3-4 mature ones) my last IUI cycle. So I was really displeased.
June 29, I was found to have at least two almost mature follicles and my E2 was 2018. I was told to do one more day of Follistim.
June 30, I took my HCG trigger. I knew I wasn’t ready—I didn’t feel like I was done growing follicles, but I was told that I was indeed ready (famous last words). This was the first IM shot Chris had given me (I did all my other sub-q shots, but it’s had to do IM on yourself). We were nervous since it’s a big needle (the nurse had given us a smaller one since I’m thin, but still I was afraid Chris was going to hit bone or a kidney or SOMETHING). He did a great job, though!!!
My retrieval was July 2. I was a wreck. It didn’t help that we had to wait an hour for the procedure to start. Not to mention the fact that my RE was away (he never did see me naked!) and a stranger was doing the procedure. The nurse was great and got me well doped up. I stared at the monitor the entire time. I vaguely recall being in some pain (when they did the Novocain type shots), but otherwise it was a piece of cake. They ended up aspirating 9 eggs (one follicle had two!). The doctor was wonderful! I recovered very quickly and to everyone’s amazement announced that E/R is much less painful than IUIs. I bet they still think I’m a freak! I started my Crinone that day.
July 3, The embryologist called Chris and told him we had only three eggs fertilize—one had two pronuclei (what you want) and the other two only had one (which could mean they were early fertilized or were abnormal). I was a basket case. I forgot to mention that we’d opted to do ˝ ICSI—just in case the problem was that my eggs and Chris’s sperm didn’t play nicely together. As fate would have it, this was the worst decision we could have made…
July 4, The IVF nurse called and said that my transfer would be the next day. That was all the information I was able to get. I had no idea how many embies we had to transfer or what quality the one(s) we had were. I was a crying wreck. Apparently, when it’s a holiday the embryologist doesn’t give them or the patients updates aside from transfer data. This is by far the cruelest thing they can do to someone.
July 5, The BIG day. As usual, I had to wait an hour for the procedure to begin. Again, my RE wasn’t there so another doctor (who also turned out to be great) did the transfer. I was shaking and chanting my “I don’t ever want to do this again” mantra. (Because I hated the Lupron and the not knowing—the other parts were fine!). It turns out that we ended up with three GREAT embies. Two were 8 cell grade twos and one was an early compacting blast (excellent). Only one was an ICSI embie. But having only 1/3 of the bunch fertilize is not good. They don’t do embie photography there so we only got to see out little bubbles on the screen for a second. We obviously opted to put all three back. Of course the nurse had told me Dr. X would be doing the procedure (he was the worst at my IUIs—I still shudder when I think of him!) and I threw a fit. What she meant was he would be holding the u/s wand. Phew! The “real” doctor was very conscience of using the catheter on me (I warned him how awful my IUIs were). It took about 20 minutes and the nurse told us to look for the “shooting stars” across the monitor. We watched as our little embryos entered their new home—it was amazing. I lay there clutching my St. Gerard medallion for a half an hour and then spent three days on the couch being waited on hand and foot. My kitty Fin was my constant companion.
Within five days, I started getting awful (and I mean AWFUL) cramps. I knew then that it hadn’t worked. I tested BFN the day before my beta so I would be mentally prepared for the results. In any event, I had AF on the day of my beta (the equivalent of 12 dpo) so when the nurse called to let me know it was negative I was far from shocked. Of course, it didn’t help that two days before my beta (which I knew would be negative) that I received a letter from my clinic stating they no longer accept my insurance for IVF. That was kicking me when I was down, but probably was the best thing they ever did for me as it made me leave that place.
I met with my RE two weeks later and he explained that low and behold, I was triggered too early and was oversupressed by the Lupron. My eggs (aside from the three that fertilized—two of which the embryologist initially thought were “dead”) were simply immature. I should have been on stims for at least 1-2 more days (which I knew). Because we did ICSI the eggs were taken right away and injected with sperm—had we not done ICSI they could have matured for another day on their own and then self-fertilized. Sperm and egg quality were fine so that isn’t an issue at least. In the end it wouldn’t have mattered. I know they didn’t treat my LPD properly and I’m sure that’s why all my cycles had failed.
At this point I started the quest for a new RE and a better plan…
Until next time, hope you’re all well!
Jen
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