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February 4, 2004
Ready, set, GO!!!
I finished my BCPs on Monday—figures that I stop them when my body finally adjusts and I was in the honeymoon period of hormonal regulation. Ah well, what else is new! I had my baseline tests yesterday. My u/s looked perfect and my E2 was 42 (anything under 50 is good) so I’ll start my injections tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to having to do them twice a day, but maybe my body requires more symmetry. I’m also back in an emotionless vacuum about this cycle—I just can’t stay excited about it for more than 10 minutes at a time. I guess that’s because I’ve already dealt with both possible endings—a BFN and a m/c. Oh, wait...see that’s pessimist Jen at work. There is another possibility, of course, a healthy baby (or two). Now that would be a wonderful change! :)
Gobble, gobble
When my friend and her DH came over for dinner a couple of weeks ago, we were joking about the décor at Dr. H’s clinic (it’s very folk artsy). We especially laughed about an empty antiqued birdcage in the special IVF waiting room. They decided that they’d buy birds (stuffed!) and put them in there to see if anyone notices. This is to be the husband’s job while he’s basking in his post “deed” glow and waiting for her ER to be over. However, the only birds my friend could find were TURKEYS. So she bought two and they will be moved to their new home tomorrow during her ER. I can’t wait to check them out when I go in on Monday for my u/s. This is going to be so freaking funny! (Perhaps only we see the humor, though).
Not so funny RE office stuff
Perhaps I’m over-sensitive, but I think it’s really rude to bring your kids with you to a fertility clinic. I understand that babysitters can’t always be found and that people like to show off their kids to the staff. FINE. I don’t have an issue (as much) with people who bring well-behaved babies/kids and then QUIETLY entertain them while they are waiting. I do, however, have a big problem with people who are clueless about how others feel. Take the following examples:
1. During one of my IUIs, someone’s toddler screamed non-stop for 20+ minutes right outside the door of my exam room. She was with her grandmother and wanted her mom (who was being examined, treated, put out of her misery...who knows. Maybe she was being sterilized—I wouldn’t have blamed her.). You think the stupid grandmother would have enough sense to take the brat for a walk—away from the hordes of infertiles who don’t need a screeching reminder of their own inability to reproduce. I assure you that Chris’ sperm probably swam out of my cervix that day! Even the doctor who performed my IUI was appalled. I believe he even questioned our wanting kids (that’s how horrid this little beast was). I think I felt my ovaries shrink in fear that day.
2. At yesterday’s appointment, the waiting room was completely empty...or was until Bimbo A and Bimbo B came in with Bimbo A’s toddler. Again, fine, whatever. BUT! In a room full of empty chairs they opted to sit right next to me. Oh wait, it gets worse. They then proceeded to put on such a show about this kid—you would have thought he was the second coming. It was obnoxious times 1200000000. I think I was supposed to bow down and kiss his toes. Instead I just glared and breathed a loud sigh of relief when the nurse called my name. What are people thinking?
Now, I have nothing against other people’s kids. But I have never felt any hope by being surrounded by other people’s successes. Sorry, maybe it’s just me being jaded, but just because someone else can spawn doesn’t mean I’m anymore likely to. And you know what? I don’t need to be reminded of that anymore than I am on any given day. I really understand why some clinics have two waiting rooms—one for the haves, and one for the have-nots.
Maybe someday my IF will be so far behind me that I too can be oblivious to others’ pain. But, you know what, I really hope not. I think I’ll always feel like a have-not even if I have a dozens of cherub toes to kiss.
Jen
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