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January 22, 2004
Hi!
Risk Factors
On Monday I received a call from the IVF nurse coordinator—apparently my pre-IVF blood work was out of date (it’s only “good” for a year). So on Tuesday, I went in for HIV, hepatitis, STD, rubella, and God knows what other tests (well I also requested a thyroid panel—I figure it’s about time for my levels to start getting screwy). I’m just glad that the request states FERTILITY CLINIC on it...otherwise the phlebotomists would probably look at me weirder than they sometimes do (i.e. the day of the way-too-many immune and genetics tests that required them to drawn 15 vials of my lovely blood). Now there’s nothing wrong with being checked for these things, but sheesh it would be good if I even had a “fun” reason to be at risk! I mean…I never share my IVF needles (I’m eternally selfish that way) and sex—what the hell is that? I know the u/s wand always wears a condom so I’m pretty sure I’m practicing safe sex! Poor Chris…I get the wand and he gets the cup. We’re a sad pair…
I thought I’d offer some advice based on my IVF experience...take it, leave it, let me know if you’ve got better survival tips. I'm sure I will need them at some point.
Dr. H (Re)visited
I’d been trying to get in touch with Dr. H for days—he had called in response to an e-mail I sent chock full of freaking out questions (about my LP). As it turns out, since I was returning his call and the IVF nurse’s at the same time, the staff got confused and only gave the nurse the message. Apparently, I should have made two phone calls instead of just telling the receptionist I was returning TWO calls. Ugh. Anyway. I called again and just asked for him and low and behold I was put right through. Once again his powers amaze me. He is so calming and so freaking nice…he appreciated my questions and put my mind at ease. I slept for the first time in days.
Advice #1—Make sure you find an RE that you have a GOOD relationship with. Rapport goes a long way even when you’re on Lupron and hate everyone single being big and small in the world. And a gentle-hearted doctor will get you farther than you can ever imagine. Even through failure after failure, you will retain some hope because he/she has so much for you. I speak as the voice of experience with this having had an RE who I never saw and now an RE who I see all the time. If I were still with RE #1 I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now (on many levels).
Case in Point: Yesterday, one of my friends (also a patient of Dr. H) went in for a procedure.
While she was there, Dr. H asked how her DH was doing. She said that he was out of town on business and Dr. H joked that she must be having girls night out. She laughed and told him that in fact she was having dinner with Jen and Cindy [another patient and friend]. He apparently was confused, but the IVF nurse prodded him-- “You know—Jen D. and Cindy S....” Finally he got the connection and was joking that he doesn’t even want to know WHAT WE SAY ABOUT HIM. My friend played it cool and said we don’t really bring him up (yeah, right!!! Wink, wink). He asked her how we met and she said a support group [we are sort of one!] and he was like “oh on the internet?” and she kept trying to avoid telling him that so he won’t go looking! [Can you imagine what he’d think if he knew what we call him and how we swoon?] She said it was a CT group and left it at that! Then he said that we’re all super nice people and it always works out that the nicest people get together (awww). She told him that he must like me best given my cookies and he said that I really raised the bar with them and then went on and on about them (describing them in detail)—she said it was hysterical! Note: Said friend also saw Dr. the day before and received a HUG from him. So now he’s raised the bar and his little arm touch will not do anymore! I wonder if I will ever get a hug? Sigh...
Which brings me to
Advice #2: Show your appreciation. If your RE and his staff are really good to you—THANK them. A card, flowers, cookies (obviously these are a big hit!), whatever. Remember that their jobs can’t always be easy and I know that I really feel great when people go out of their way to thank me for doing a good job or being nice or doing something special at work. Even if all I did was my “job,” it helps keep me going when I know what I do matters to someone! Judging by Dr. H’s response to my cookies (yumminess aside), he feels the same way.
Advice #3—Make sure you find friends who can relate to you. Yes, we all have dear friends who do not know much about IF, but that’s not who will get you through your first PIO shot or the hellish cramps from a m/c. I’m part of the CT board on ivfconnections.com—they have boards by state or country. It’s incredibly useful to meet people near you—that’s the best way to find out about local clinics. But beyond its use goes the emotional support that you find with proximity. Several of us meet for lunch every now and then—I always leave feeling recharged and loved. Empathy far outweighs sympathy. And as one lady’s DH put it we’re a survivors’ club.
I’ve become good friends with a few of these women and we e-mail daily, meet for lunch (or dinner), and offer each other unconditional support. As I mentioned before, last night I went to dinner with two of my “IVF buddies” and I had such a great time. Both know Dr. H well so we of course discussed him (we’re all bordering on obsession, but in a school girl way—not in a scary stalker burn his bunny way!), our upcoming cycles, our fears, our hopes, our lives. Three hours later, for the first time, I felt ready for this cycle.
My finals words of wisdom are perhaps as obvious as the above ones, but I need to write them.
Advice #4: Remember that your DH is your best friend...your best IVF friend, too. It’s easy to forget that they are going through this too. So spend time together just being a couple—go to dinner or a movie (even if your budget is tight), but above all else--LAUGH about IVF. Make stupid masturbatory jokes, or giggle about how hideous your butt will look after a few PIO injections. Wherever you can find humor, FIND it.
Trust me...
Jen
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