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Jennifer's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 12/31/00 -------------------- 12/18/00 12/10/00 12/3/00 11/20/00 11/14/00 11/8/00 7/7/00 5/24/00 5/16/00 5/15/00 5/2/00 4/26/00 4/16/00 4/12/00 4/11/00 3/28/00 3/21/00 3/13/00 3/7/00 2/22/00 -------------------- Jennifer's Introduction

December 3, 2000

Hello ladies,
Sorry I missed a week of updates but it's been a busy one. I hope you all had a happy and healthy holiday and have all gotten good starts on your Christmas shopping. As for me, we don't even have the tree up yet, much less any shopping. The time this year seems to just be flying by.

Well, I'm sure you're wondering how Thanksgiving went with us telling the happy news to our family. It sure didn't end up the way we had hoped. We woke up Thanksgiving morning to a phone call from my mom telling me she had an earache and that she and my stepdad wouldn't be able to make it to my in-laws' for dinner. OK, no problem, we thought, we'll just go over to my parents' first and tell them the great news, and then over to my in-laws' to tell them.

I got into the shower and then when I was getting out and drying off, I looked down and the towel on the floor was covered in blood and my legs were too. I froze in shock. I looked at myself and thought, "Don't panic," and then started to panic anyway. I was trying to clean myself up and remain calm, but the blood wasn't stopping and I knew I had to get to the ER. I resumed drying off, cleaning up and getting dressed and went and told DH we had to go to the hospital. Of course, he's worried sick, running red lights, going a zillion miles per hour trying to get us to the hospital as fast as possible.

We get to the ER, fill out the paperwork, get registered, the whole nine yards. I told the nurse that I was almost six weeks PG and that I was having a possible miscarriage. The whole "vibe" I got was that they really didn't think it was a big deal. Inside I was screaming "HELP ME, I may be losing my child, don't you care?" I finally got back and the doctor came in. He told me that from what he saw and how early the pregnancy was, he was 99 percent sure I was having a miscarriage and that there was nothing they could do. I took the news calmly, because I knew that my body knew what was right and that if this baby had something wrong with it, my body would know best. Even though I knew this to be true, my heart ached.

DH was so terribly upset and he couldn't stop the tears from flowing. As much as I wanted him to stop crying because I didn't want myself getting upset, I knew this was what he had to do to mourn the loss of our child. I probably didn't seem like I cared at the moment but after we left the ER, I wept. I was now feeling like a statistic. Another reason the doctor was so sure I was having a miscarriage was because I had passed a huge clot and read that if you do, you should attempt to save it so the doctor can examine it. Well, I did manage to save it and took it with me. The doctor was quite sure just by looking at it that it contained fetal tissue. He examined me and told me that I was "oozing" from the inside and that the only thing to do was get bed rest, take it easy and keep my next day appointment for our ultrasound. The doctor sent the clot to pathology to be examined and said that we could always hold out that 1 percent that I had only miscarried a twin and that things were still OK. That's when I thought to myself that I was going to hold out that "1 percent" and wait until our ultrasound to find out for sure that our child was no more.

Needless to say, we were both heartbroken and we knew we had to tell our parents what was going on. Over to my parents' we went and told them that we had planned on telling them good news, but that here was the bad. We went through the same thing at my in-laws'. They were all saddened by the news and gave us lots of reassurance that it will happen when the time is right. The thing that everyone kept saying was, "At least you know you can get pregnant." I knew this in my head and it was a relief, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. We ate dinner at my in-laws' and then DH and I went home and took a long nap.

Friday, we had our ultrasound appointment at 2:30 p.m. and we went, feeling a bit better, but knowing was the ultrasound tech was going to tell us, that there was nothing there. Well, since I was too early in the pregnancy to do the regular ultrasound (through the stomach) she had to do an internal (inner vaginal) ultrasound. She did her thing for about 10 minutes, scoping out the ovaries, the surroundings and everything else. Then she got into the uterus and zoomed up a few times to a tiny little blob. She zoomed up even more and OH MY GOD ... there it was, our little angel with a heartbeat! My mind was whirling and I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. I didn't want to get too excited, but my insides were jumping for joy. DH grabbed my hand and squeezed.

It was at that moment, that I knew our little angel had made it and that everything was going to be OK. The ultrasound tech said, "I don't know what happened in the ER on Thanksgiving, but you have a baby in your uterus with a strong little heartbeat. Everything looks fine." She continued and took pictures and she even let us hear the heartbeat ... what a truly amazing experience that was. I couldn't believe that what I was seeing on the screen was actually inside me, growing and living. I felt blessed and smiled down on by God.

The tech said she did see some fluid in my uterus (blood probably) but that everything else looked good. She was going to send the pictures over to my OB to examine. After that, DH and I went to lunch and talked about how amazing this has turned out to be. We then called my parents (they had gone out of town that morning) to tell them the good news and I'm sure everyone in the parking lot of Chili's could hear my mom screaming into the phone full of happiness. She was thrilled. Next we went to my mother-in-law's and told her, and she too, was elated. DH called his brother and everyone was shocked, but very happy.

What a roller coaster ride! I still haven't gotten the results from pathology but I have a doctor appointment with my OB on Thursday so I'm sure I'll find out what happened then. All I know is that our little angel is growing and doing well and that things seem to be OK. From all the morning sickness I've been having, it seems like things are moving right along. One of my stepsisters has named the baby "turkey" for giving us that little scare on Thanksgiving. I thought that was cute and fit well!

So, I'll give an update as soon as possible after the doctor appointment to keep you all informed. Keep the prayers and well wishes coming!

As for how I'm feeling, I've been so tired and very nauseous every day. It's a chore to get through work, much less even thinking of getting a bit of exercise. DH has been wonderful, bless his heart, with doing things around the house, letting me rest, getting me dinner, etc. He's been terrific and I'm so glad to have him.

Have a wonderful week and I'll let you know as soon as I know anything.

Take care and lots of hugs!
Jennifer and little "Turkey"