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Home › Diaries › Jenn's › July 19, 2000

Jenn's Diary Entries

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July 19, 2000

Well, ladies, I'm back. It was not my choice to be back but I think God's choice. I had a miscarriage today. Well I went in to see the doctor on Monday, July 17. I was going for my first ultrasound and a check-up. They did the ultrasound and they didn't see any fetal activity like you should. So the doctor talked to us about it and she said that what she saw looked to be a 1-1/2-week-developed baby and the following day I should have been 10 weeks.

She then told me that she thought I would start a normal period within 24-48 hours and it would be heavier bleeding and crampier, and that I would miscarry it myself. If not I would have to have a D&C done. So yesterday I did start bleeding and then toward the evening I got crampy. I just went to bed hoping that I would get rid of it myself and not have to have a D&C. Then this morning when I got up and went to the bathroom, I had expelled it. I won't tell you anymore about that 'cause it could very well gross some of you out. So I called the doctor and she told me that it sounded like I had gotten rid of it and that I should keep my appointment for next Monday to see her unless I started bleeding excessively. So now I'm just in the waiting period and hope nothing more goes wrong.

I was kinda prepared for something to go wrong because at eight weeks I started to spot. I called my doctor and they said that is very normal in a lot of pregnancies and not to worry about it as long as it was brown in color and I didn't have bad cramps. So I watched it and never had any problems. But in the back of my mind I kinda thought something was wrong with that. So I had prepared myself and DH for something to go wrong. It still hurt us a lot.

DH's family had gone through this type of thing before with his mom and sister so they knew how to deal with it and how we would feel about it. All of our families cried but I think my mom took it the hardest because she had never been through anything like this. It was really hard for her and at first I think she was in denial because she acted mad. She wanted it to happen to someone else. But I told her how common miscarriages are and all that and told her that it had to be a blessing or it wouldn't have happened. I hope she gets through this OK.

And Cory cried a lot. We both did. I told him that it was actually a blessing in disguise and everything happens for a reason. I wish it hadn't have happened but things happen whether you want them to or not. He has been great for me, though. I know a lot of women who go through this and they say that their husbands are not supportive at all and say oh well, life goes on.

Cory could never do something like that to me. He asked me how some guys could be so cold hearted and I told him I don't know.

It didn't take us too long to get PG. I think I was in my fourth cycle when we found out so I am being positive that it won't take long again. Just get past this ordeal and on to new and better things. Don't get me wrong, it is very hard and hard not to start crying every time someone else sends me an email or someone stops to hug me and say they're sorry but I have to stay positive and get through this a better person.

You know they say God works in mysterious ways ....

Jenn



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