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Home › Diaries › Corinne C's › December 19, 2000

Corinne C's Diary Entries

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December 19, 2000

TTC #1, Cycle 14, CD 16

This is going to be short as I only have an hour to type in my entry before the deadline. I will however, try my hardest to include my movie review of "Vertical Limit."

TTC Status
I had the IUI yesterday, (Monday) which was exactly what I didn't want. I really wanted the IUI to be Saturday, but it was simply not meant to be. When I went in last Friday for my ultrasound I had three good-sized follicles, size 13, 15 and a half and 17 and a half. The RE said these were good size follicles, that my endometrial lining was "perfect," but that they felt a couple more days of growth would make my chances even better. So the RE wanted to wait until Saturday for me to give myself the hCG injection and then have the IUI on Monday.

Saturday night I had to administer the injection -- what a fiasco. Charles and I looked like something out of Laurel & Hardy trying to get everything ready. If it hadn't been for Tammy W., I seriously don't know what I would have done; she was a Godsend. I called her and she walked me through the whole thing. (Thanks, Tammy! I owe you big time).

So, a day later on Sunday night, I started getting these really horrible O-type cramps and I thought to myself, S---! I'm O'ing already and it's too early! (If you recall, the important thing for this cycle was to be sure I was inseminated prior to O, as that had not happened with my last two IUIs. The injection was supposed to ensure that I would not ovulate until Monday). So, I stressed all night because of it only to learn the next day that you are supposed to feel those types of cramps due to the injection hyperstimulating your ovaries.

The real sucky thing about the injection was that of course, only me -- I got this horrible infection from the injection. I have a rash/lump on my leg (where Charles did the injection) the size of an English muffin and it's raised and red and purple and it itches and burns. I hurt so bad yesterday that I started having a noticeable limp. So, when I went in for the IUI, I showed it to the RE who freaked and asked me why I injected the hCG in that spot (on my inner thigh, one-third down from my waist). I told him that that was where I had been taught (by the clinic) to administer the injection. In fact, they had instructed me to make sure I injected the needle into the fattiest part of my thigh -- well, I can guarantee you, that was most certainly the fattiest. He had the nerve to get an attitude with me and say that you should never give the injection at that spot because there are all these blood vessels and you can get a subcutaneous infection, or some such nonsense. My response (in my head), "Look. This is what YOUR OFFICE told me to do, you ass. Don't you even get pissed at me because you have now 1) required the patient to do the doctor's work, and 2) because your staff can't teach the procedure correctly." How I would have loved to actually say that, but for obvious reasons I kept my mouth shut and simply fumed. I did tell him though that I didn't care if my leg fell off in a rotted heap of flesh and disintegrated into a dustball as long as I got PG -- a stupid infection was the least of my concerns.

So, now I wait. Two weeks. This means I will find out if I am PG on my first day of work -- Jan. 2. Lovely. This also means I will either have a great day at work or the worst day of my life where I am depressed as hell but will still have to appear cheery, enthusiastic and motivated. All I can say is, if I am not PG, it will not be pretty for the folks in Arlington, Va.

Game plan
I will soon schedule an appointment with a local RE if I am not PG and pursuant to my Conn. RE's instruction, ask to have a laparoscopy done to rule out endometriosis. My Conn. RE does not think I have it, but it is not an impossibility. I really, really hope I don't have to have a lap because I simply cannot afford to take that much time off from work on a new job. Well, I'll cross that bridge if the time comes.

I am going to cut this short now or else I will never make the deadline. I apologize for not giving my review of "Vertical Limit," but I will save it for next week. However, I will add this one last thought for the week regarding the labeling of someone as "infertile."

As a true pessimist, I normally see the worst in things so as I have been attempting to be more positive these past few weeks, I would just like to say that contrary to what many of you have told me or what I have read or heard, I do not consider myself infertile. In fact, I resent the implication. I am sure you are surprised at my saying this but I believe that until someone tells me "You are incapable of bearing your own children," I am most certainly fertile. Is a tomato seed that lies in its packet in the nursery infertile simply because it has yet to be planted? What if no one decides to buy that seedling packet until June of 2004? Is that seedling packet useless and devoid of all potential? No, I don't think so.

By the same token, I do not consider myself or anyone else infertile simply because they haven't managed to bang out three kids in two years. I also believe that when you apply these labels and categorize people, they can unfortunately become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Therefore, in the interest of positive thinking and my own happiness, I am just considering myself to be like that unbought pack of tomato seeds. My gardener simply hasn't had the time to run out to the store yet and buy me. But my time will come. And so will all of yours.

Until next week, love you,
Corinne



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