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Corinne C's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 7/25/01 -------------------- 7/22/01 7/3/01 6/24/01 6/5/01 5/29/01 5/8/01 5/3/01 4/13/01 4/4/01 3/27/01 3/13/01 2/22/01 2/15/01 2/9/01 2/4/01 1/27/01 1/15/01 1/8/01 12/29/00 12/19/00 12/12/00 12/8/00 12/5/00 11/27/00 11/11/00 11/7/00 11/5/00 10/30/00 10/23/00 10/19/00 10/4/00 10/2/00 -------------------- Corinne C's Introduction

November 27, 2000

TTC#1, C# 14, CD 21

Hello girls,
Well, in honor of my last entry whereby I indicated I would make an attempt at being more positive, I am going to start off this entry with a list of all things I am thankful for, even though I'm a week late for Thanksgiving. Better late than never, however.

1) My wonderful husband
2) My good health
3) My family
4) My good sense of humor

Items 1-3 are obviously things we are all thankful for. Item 4, well, a good sense of humor may not seem like something worthy of giving thanks for, but I believe that I really would not have made it this far if Charles and I hadn't laughed ourselves to death about some of the stuff we have gone through. Laughing in general, even about non-TTC stuff, has made us stronger, more resilient. I thank God every day that despite everything, I can still laugh hard at least once a day, so much so that my stomach muscles hurt.

TTC Status

I am currently in the dreaded 2 WW. Despite what I just said about trying to be positive, I have no hope whatsoever that I am PG. First of all, I was sick as a dog throughout all of Thanksgiving weekend. Even though I didn't think I could be PG, I still refused to take any medicine besides an occasional dose of Robitussin or N'Ice throat lozenges. If there was any chance in hell that I could be PG, my potential fetus' exposure to my germs and cough medicine probably caused it to disintegrate into a dustball anyway. I also coughed so badly all weekend long, I feel like I may have even damaged my heart muscles -- it was that bad. Not a good environment for an egg seeking implantation, wouldn't you say?

I don't have any PG symptoms whatsoever. No sore BBs (what does that stand for anyway? Big boobs?), nothing. Therefore, I have resigned myself to looking ahead to the next cycle. Ugh.

My Holiday Weekend

I had a very nice holiday despite the fact that I was so sick. My MIL came down from CT to spend the weekend with us. On Thanksgiving Day, we went to my parents' house in Chesterfield (Va.). My parents retired a few years back and moved to Fla., built a house, decided they hated Florida and moved to Va. and built this new house. They are finally out of their transition phase (living at my grandmother's until their house was finished) and moved in and settled so it was nice to finally have a family holiday with all of us together in my parents' new home. I ate a ton of food, once AGAIN destroying my Weight Watchers efforts for the week, but it was worth it.

Both Friday and Saturday, Charles worked and MIL and I shopped all day. I got all of Charles' Christmas gifts: a pair of awesome boots at Aldo (do you know that store?), a wallet from J.Crew (his old one is like George Costanza's from "Seinfeld") and I bought him Mein Kampf. He's always wanted to read it but was too cheap to pay the $35 for the book. Actually, I can't wait to read that book myself. Hitler was such a maniac and in general, a heinous creature, but still, it is fascinating to see into the thought process of that sick little man. You have to wonder, how can someone have that much hatred for one group of people? How does a person justify killing all those innocent people? What in God's name was he thinking? I'm sure it will be a very interesting, albeit sad read.

I didn't do any other Christmas shopping yet, but I vow to get it all done this upcoming weekend.

Can I just say, though, I am soooo broke! Not because of the Christmas shopping but because I bought so much stuff for myself! I bought a coat at J.Crew, a pair of shoes at Joan & David (they were having a going-out-of-business sale and the shoes were 40 percent off -- how could I turn it down???), and a pair of the most awesome suede, leather-bottomed Cole Haan clogs. Those were also on sale, so it would have been absolute sin to pass them up. Oh, and get this -- I went back to Max Mara to drool again over the coat I really wanted. When I got there, there was only one other woman in the store shopping who looked perfectly normal/average. Not rich, not poor, just your average middle-class shopper. Well, this snobby saleswoman leans over to her other snobby coworker friend, all the while eyeing the shopper with a smirk, and says, "Humpf, as if she can afford a coat from this store!" The poor woman heard the comment, looked up and left the store. (If that had been me, I would have gone straight over to that saleswoman and ripped her a new you-know-what). I was just livid.

First of all, I said the woman looked average, middle class. For all we know, she could have been a multi-millionaire or on public assistance, but the thing is, we'll never know just by looking at her! And even more important, what if she can't afford a coat from that store? So what? She can't come in and look??? The audacity of these salespeople boggles my mind. But here is the kicker: Later that day Charles and I went to get gas. Who do we see at the gas station but Miss High and Mighty herself! And what is she driving? A car so old and dented and rusted out, it looked like it had been fished out of a cesspool. Now, for all I know this woman could be loaded and for whatever reason is driving around in this piece of crap. But wouldn't you think that she of all people would realize that appearances aren't everything? How I would have loved to get out of that car and tell that woman how rude I thought she was to that poor customer, but then again, what would be the point? A woman such as this salesperson is a hopeless case and obviously a miserable creature. She doesn't deserve to learn that she is evil.

Anyway, I didn't mean to go off on a tangent, but I just had to get that bit out. Getting back to my weekend, Sunday we didn't do much at all except take my MIL to the station to catch the train back to Hartford. I left late Sunday night to go back to CT, which gets me to my next topic.

Southwest Airlines

All I have to say is: Southwest, I take my hat off to you and your superior service. You are one great airline. I don't know if any of you are familiar with Southwest and the way they work but I have been flying with them now throughout my entire long-distance adventure, and I have not one complaint. You should all know by now that coming from me, that means A LOT. I come from an airline family, first of all. My mom worked for Swissair Airlines all her life and my Dad was an air traffic controller. We have always traveled for next to nothing and I consider myself very fortunate for it. Therefore, I have also traveled on many different airlines so I think I have a good basis for comparison.

For those of you unfamiliar with Southwest, they offer a very discounted fare, but you are on a first-come, first-serve basis. Meaning, you can buy a ticket right out of a machine at the airport and when you go to get your boarding pass, they give you a number one to 120. When the time comes to board, they ask you to line up according to your number. There are three lines: one to 30, 30-60 and 60-90 and above. You get in the line that corresponds to your number, but it doesn't matter if you are number 30 or number one, you line up once again on a first-come, first-serve basis. When they let you board, you can take any available seat on the plane; there is no assigned seating. What is really sort of "neat" is that the flight attendants basically do stand-up routines throughout take-off and landing.

However, the best part of Southwest, aside from their low fares (my round-trip ticket for Thanksgiving weekend was $144, normally it's $88), is the fact that they were completely able to hold it together throughout a very CROWDED and UNRULY holiday weekend. All week long, people kept telling me how horrible it would be to fly, that I would probably get bumped or that the flight may get cancelled, etc. But no, Southwest was phenomenal. My flights left on time and landed on time, for both the trip down and the return to Hartford. Everything went smoothly and I was never even rushed or jostled. If you ever are in need of a no-frills, inexpensive but efficient airline, this is the one to call.

Twins

I have a question regarding twins and heredity. Someone wrote, and I can't remember who (was it you, Dawn??) that one doctor told her twins were not hereditary and another doctor told her that they were. Well, here's my situation: Charles' mom had twin sisters, one of whom had twin sons. My father's father had a twin sister and my half-sister was a twin. Do any of you out there know if this will increase our chances of having a multiple birth? I would have thought so originally, but now I am not so sure, especially since we can't seem to make even one baby. I would be happy either way, but was just wondering?

Holiday Blues

In Kimmberli's last entry she wrote that this time last year she thought she would be toting a baby on her hip and that the holidays are very depressing when you are suffering from infertility. I have to agree wholeheartedly. Being in crowded malls overflowing with children, babies specifically, makes Christmas shopping nearly unbearable for me. It is a constant reminder that a holiday which is supposed to be filled with children's gleeful laughter and shrieks of joy will once again be silent. It is so hard to come to terms with this and I just want to say to all of you out there, especially Kimmberli, to just keep praying and hoping and having faith that it will soon one day be our turn. It's hard to be strong, though, I know.

On Saturday, my MIL and I visited Charles at the store and one of his staff runs over to me with her daughter (who was also in the store visiting) to introduce us. Why she felt the need to do this, I don't know. Probably just a cruel twist of fate. Anyway, the daughter of this employee was hugely PG and her mother kept going on and on about how exciting this PG was and how it would be her first grandchild and how they are getting all this Christmas stuff for the new baby, etc. I'm telling you, it cut me right to the core. Of course, Charles is eyeing me to make sure I don't have a meltdown right there in front of everyone, but I was good, I held it together. Still, it was so hard. I want that so bad! And what's worse, my MIL kept going on and on congratulating this girl she doesn't even know, asking her all these questions about the baby, names, sex, etc. and goes on to say how much she wishes she had a grandchild! Ouch! That one almost killed me, it really did. So, I guess we all have our holiday demons to battle. All I can say is, thank God I have you all here for support and guidance. I really don't know how I would manage if I didn't.

Stef is Leaving

For those of you unfamiliar with Stef's diary, I will say that it has been an inspiration to me for over a year now. Stef has enlightened me in many ways, she has shown an inner strength and fortitude that I could only hope to match. That is why I am very sad to see her go. She says in her latest entry that she can't go on any longer, that she is not strong enough, but au contraire, I think she is extremely strong. I admire her for her courage in the nightmare called infertility. I wish her the best and will think of her often. Good luck to you, Stef, and please do let us all know when you finally become a mom. I say when and not if because there is no doubt in my mind that you will have a child one day.

Movie Review: Billy Elliott
5 +++++ Babies!

Three words: Go see it. This is all I can really say to sum it all up. Well, maybe there are another three words: Best Damn Movie. To say that this was my favorite movie of the year would be an understatement. I give it my highest recommendation and advise seeing it even if you are not an avid moviegoer.

This movie takes place in England where a small boy, age 11, is living with his coal miner father and older brother. The boy (Billy), is taking boxing lessons at a local school where he one day witnesses a ballet class in session. He becomes so intrigued, he starts skipping his boxing lessons and switches them for the ballet. He is very talented and loves to dance but conceals his passion from his overbearing, chauvinistic father and his abusive, narrow-minded brother. Naturally, Billy is found out and all hell breaks loose; however, it turns out that Billy is so good, he gets an audition at the London Royal Ballet. I won't tell you the rest of the story, but I will say that it is all extremely well done and I thought the dancing scenes are great, even though I am not a die-hard ballet fan. The movie is very humorous but at the same time, it tugs at your heartstrings. I wouldn't dub this film a chick-flick by any means, but most definitely, it is an emotional film.

I didn't recognize any of the actors because they are all English but they all performed their parts beautifully, every last one of them. For those of you who tend to avoid foreign films, I wouldn't categorize this movie as such. There is nothing artsy-fartsy, incomprehensible or ambiguous about this movie, it just so happens to take place in England and has English actors. The last thing I will say about this film, other than I think you should haul ass to see it, is that it really made me want to have a son. After seeing this film, if I am fortunate enough to have a son, I will be taking to him to the ballet as soon as he can walk! And unlike some provincial male thinkers out there have told me (my stupid ex-husband included), I do not believe that if I encourage my son to take ballet, that I'll be making him turn gay -- as if I would care anyway. At least he would know how to dress himself and appropriately decorate a house.

So that's it for this week. I wish I could have had a more "juicy" entry; this one seems dull to me. But unfortunately, I just don't have anything that interesting to talk about. Next week you may not hear from me as I predict I will sink into a cloud of depression and probably curl up into a fetal ball and feel sorry for myself if AF arrives. Now, I know that doesn't make sense after I have urged all of you to stay positive, but I think I may need one week to brood. This being positive stuff is draining. It's so much easier to feel sorry for myself (LOL). Plus, I wouldn't want to write an entry that is just going to bring everybody down. What would be the point? I don't know though, we'll have to play it by ear. Maybe I will have a resurgence of positive energy by that time, though I won't hold my breath. Good luck this cycle guys. Let me know if you get lucky.

Hugs,
Corinne