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Home › Diaries › Corinne C's › November 11, 2000

Corinne C's Diary Entries

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November 11, 2000

TTC # 1, C 14, CD 5

Hello everybody,
OK -- I have to start out this entry by saying that I made a huge mistake in my prior assessment of Clomid. I had said in an earlier entry that I noticed no side effects when taking this medication. Well, I am currently on my second cycle of Clomid, but this time it is as if I am on a completely different drug. Today is the third day of a five-day prescription and I am breaking out in sweats and feeling nauseous all day. Man, does this suck! Of course, it is all worth it if it results in a baby but in the meantime, who needs this? Also, this time around I am even moodier than before.

When we were out shopping today, Charles made the fatal error of telling me one of his friends, whom I despise, and his wife are PG. I became absolutely hysterical, saying how it wasn't fair, they don't deserve it (I'm sure they do, but I was in a BAD state of mind), and how I can't take it if I hear one more of our friends is PG. Charles is at the point where he doesn't even know what to say anymore so he just said nothing which made me even more upset. Charles had to go to the store for a couple of hours so I dropped him off there and I went home.

Once there, I started working on inserting these prints we had just bought into some new frames. In my frustration and anger, I pushed the glass into the frame too hard and the glass just shattered all over the place. Well, I just had a meltdown right then and there. I just cried and cried right in the middle of all that glass, not just because of the wasted frame, but because I felt that the entire world was against me, that fate had it in for me and I was so frustrated that NOTHING ever seems to go right. I am sure the neighbors in the apartment next to us must have thought I was a raving lunatic but hopefully the stereo drowned me out some. Now normally I wouldn't be like this, but I am convinced that the Clomid is playing a major role this time in my mood swings. Therefore, I forewarn you, this entry may not be that pretty ...

Before I go on to my little list of topics, I would just like to say how surprised but happy I was to receive such positive responses from so many of you regarding one of my earlier entries, specifically the one about that moron I work with and her incessant chatter regarding her demon spawn. (Smile. OK, I know it's not the kid's fault his mom is an ass, but I couldn't help myself). Anyway, I'm glad you all could relate and I'm ESPECIALLY glad to see that you are not all the straightlaced girls I thought you were ...

I accepted a Job Offer

Yes, finally, I made a decision. I accepted the job with the recruiting firm -- big surprise, right? I was especially happy because they made me an offer right after the interview. Though I was content with their offer, I countered it and asked for even more money. Never accept what they offer you because they expect you to reject it and ask for more. They said they would get back to me and by the time a few days had passed, the guy I interviewed with called me back and offered me even more money than I had countered with so I was really ecstatic. At this point, I could care less if the job duties included driving my boss around in a rickshaw; as long as I have a paycheck and can quit looking for a stupid job all the time, I'm happy!

Why I Saw an RE

Some of you have asked me why I chose to see an RE when it appears that there is absolutely nothing wrong either with Charles or me. Well, that is precisely the reason why we started seeing an RE and why we will continue to see one, because there appears to be nothing wrong with us but yet we still can't seem to get PG after a year. The fact still remains that at my age, with our health and history, there is no valid reason why we shouldn't have gotten PG by now. We didn't know where to turn and though there may be no decipherable reason as to why we still haven't gotten PG, it is clear that something is not right. We thought the only person who would find what's wrong, however insignificant, would have to be an RE.

TTC Status

As I said, I am on CD 5 and my third day, second cycle of Clomid. On CD 10 I start using an OPK to test for the LH surge. When I get that, I will go in for my next IUI, which if I have calculated correctly, should be on Nov. 20 or 21. Now that I know Charles' sperm are great, I will use this to our advantage and BD at least every other day starting on Nov. 16 through 19; that way we should be fine for the IUI. Then I will make sure to reinforce the IUI by BD'ing again that same night. By the way, for those of you who are unfamiliar, the IUI is painless so there is no need to refrain from having sex that same day. And that's where I stand right now, still hoping, still praying. Since the side effects with the Clomid are so strong this time, I am hoping that their effectiveness in getting me PG this month are stronger as well.

Dawn's Entry Regarding the Fertility Monitor

My reaction to Dawn's entry was: DITTO. What a waste of money. I spent $200 on that piece of crap and it has served me absolutely no purpose. The OPK tests work just as well, even better, and I think it is just horrible that ClearPlan Easy is permitted to advertise on this site and take advantage of desperate women. In fact, my RE even said they are not recognized as medically successful and asked that I used an OPK test to predict my O for the IUI. Yes, they are fancier than the OPK with its pretty little white case and computer screen, but the bottom line is they do no more to predict O than any "old-fashioned" kit. I agree with Dawn that with as much money as ClearPlan Easy is making, they should have automatically DONATED the monitors to anyone who writes a diary, as well as those ridiculously expensive test sticks. I guess the thing that bothers me the most about the whole thing is the ads lead you to believe that the monitor is going to enlighten you as to your cycle, that it is going to give you that answer you are finally looking for, regardless of your fertility background. If you O normally, on whatever given day, ANY OPK will detect your surge. If you don't O normally or if you don't O at all, the fertility monitor is not going to change that and THAT is what bothers me the most about this product -- they imply that no matter what your situation is, the monitor will offer you the gift of fertile days and that if you do have fertile days, you will get PG. Well, I am living proof that this is not the case.

My SIL

I am not at all close to my SIL (Charles' brother's wife). We are very different people and have absolutely nothing in common. This characteristic extends through to the desire to have children. I have wanted kids since as long as I can remember. She, (I'll call her G), has told me that she not only doesn't like children but that she doesn't understand the point of having them. Doesn't understand the point? The point is obvious to all of us; I need not even try to explain it. The other reasons G doesn't want kids is because she is scared to death of the pain and more importantly, because it will ruin her perfect body. (She is 5 foot, 10 inches tall and weighs 120 pounds.) Undeserving wench.

My BIL (S) has always wanted children and before they got married, he even broke up with G and called the engagement off because of this particular issue. G, in a state of hysterics, went to counseling with him and ultimately agreed that she would have one child with him. Counseling to agree to have a child. (I ask you -- what the hell is wrong with picture? Can we say: run for the hills! If you have to bring someone to counseling to try to convince them that they should have a child, this may not be the person for you, I don't know ...) Well, that was seven years ago and still no kids. G is 37 and S is 43. Every time you ask them when they are going to have kids, they say, "We're going to start to try next fall, next spring, next year, etc." All I have to say on this topic is the day she gets PG (hopefully never), I am going to have to be committed. Why? Because I don't think it's fair that someone who doesn't like children, who doesn't have a nurturing bone in her body, who would be a horrible mother, should be entitled to have a baby, especially if I can't. Every day I live on pins and needles, waiting for that ball to drop that I'm going to get this excited call from my MIL (who DESPERATELY wants grandchildren) announcing that G is PG. It is at that point where you are going to see me have a virtual meltdown right here in cyberspace. And THAT will not be pretty.

The truly sad thing about this is that my poor BIL is so upset about this. He doesn't talk about it much but you can tell it bothers him. All I know is if we get PG first, he will be about as upset as I would be in that situation, poor guy. But hey, he made his bed, right?

I think I am opening a can of worms with this next topic.

This weekend started off with an interesting twist -- I was at the airport waiting to board the plane to come to Va. The waiting room was packed with people so I searched in vain for a place to sit. As I scanned the room I couldn't find one empty seat, that is, until I saw an free spot smack dab next to these two girls who were making out like they were auditioning for a porn flick. So I think to myself, do I stand here or do I just go sit down and pretend that I don't notice what they are doing? Now by way of background, I would like to say that I am I am very supportive of the gay and lesbian community. I have no problems with this way of life, not that I advocate it or share the same feelings about it, but it doesn't bother me in the least. As long as you are happy and not hurting anyone, go for it, I say. However, this does not mean that I support gross displays of public affection whether they are homosexual OR heterosexual. If there had been a heterosexual couple making out like that, and when I say "like that" I mean, fondling each other in very private places right there in the waiting room, I would have been very uncomfortable as well.

Now, I fully admit that I was more uncomfortable because they were lesbians, but only because it is a situation that I am not familiar with. I mean sure, I live near Northampton and I have been to Provincetown and have had gay friends but that still doesn't make me intimately acquainted with the subject. I don't think I am in any way a prude, but I am sorry, I just don't think it's right to make out like that in a very public place where there were children around -- who were watching them quite intently, I might add. I had a couple of gay girlfriends in law school who were actually a couple. They NEVER acted like that. Sure they were affectionate with each other and touchy feely and loving toward one another, but never inappropriate. I never felt uncomfortable around them at all; they were perfectly normal. But this couple -- ugh. It was like they had something to prove. What do you think?

The rest of the weekend was good, except of course for the aforementioned Clomid meltdown. Friday, I did nothing except lie around in my pajamas all day and read diaries. Friday night we went to Pentagon City (beautiful indoor mall), to get started on some Christmas shopping. Saturday, Charles and I went around running errands and Saturday evening Charles had called a staff meeting for every C&B employee, since the store will be opening on Nov. 14. Since we only have one car down here (my car is in Conn.), I went to go pick Charles up at 7, when the meeting was scheduled to be over. Of course the meeting was still running when I got there, so they invited me to sit in and listen. Not that you can tell, but I am very shy around people I don't know and I don't like it when people look at me. I always feel like they are laughing at me or making fun of me. So, I felt really weird sitting in on this meeting with 100 or so people all staring at me as I walked in.

At any rate, the meeting was supposed to end at 7. By 7:30, people are still running their mouths and I was starting to REALLY get pissed off! I don't know how it is where you all work, but this talking and talking, this need people have to constantly flap their gums appears to be a universal problem. Where I work now, it is no different. People like to have meetings to talk about having meetings. The reason they like to talk, I think, is because the sound of their voice comforts them. Well, it sickens me. At this meeting last night, different people had been selected to speak about different areas of concern -- shipping costs, out-of-state taxes, return policies, customer service, etc. Every time someone spoke, they had to drone on and on for about five years on their stupid topic. Then they would ask the idiot masses if there were any questions. Every time some clueless fool would raise their hand with a question, I was about ready to scream. Some dip even asked which state's tax should they apply if a customer bought an item and that customer was going to ship it on their own to a different state! Hello! Moron! It was at that point that I was ready to leap across the room and attach my hands to that woman's throat. How stupid could you be????

The meeting ended at about 8:30 -- nice waste of an evening, but that is what you have to go through when you work in retail. The interesting thing that I did learn while sitting in on that useless meeting was that they just opened a new Crate & Barrel in King of Prussia, Penn. They had projected earnings that first weekend of $70K for furniture and housewares combined. It turned out that housewares alone made $77K that FIRST DAY. The C&B in Tyson's corner is bigger (I think they said it's 37,000 square feet) and better than the one in KOP. It's supposed to do a really great business and based upon the way the store looks, I'm not surprised -- that store is absolutely gorgeous. I will make a quick plug for my honey, if you have never been to a C&B before, I highly suggest it if you have the opportunity.

Movie Review -- Charlie's Angels. Rating: 3 and 3/4 Babies (out of five)

After we had finished our shopping for the evening on Friday night, we decided to go see Charlie's Angels. I never was a Charlie's Angels fan as a kid but this movie was actually very good. Obviously, it will not win any Oscars but the entertainment value alone makes the movie worth seeing.

First of all, I love Lucy Lu (not sure about the spelling). I have loved her since Ally McBeal because I totally identify with her dry wit and snappish little ways. Cameron Diaz's body looks so perfect, she makes you want to run out and have your jaws wired shut. That girl does not have an ounce of fat on her and she has the most perfect long legs you have ever seen. She is very goofy in this movie and very funny. She was my favorite part. Drew Barrymore -- now here is an actress that I normally avoid seeing. First of all, she always looks so dirty, like she is just crawling with germs. For the most part, she just looks like she needs a good acid bath and in that sense nothing about this movie changed that. I also find her acting skills to be somewhat lacking. However, in this movie I found her to be uncharacteristically witty and even funny throughout a good portion of the film so I wouldn't say she was a poor choice for the role. Her beauty pales in comparison to that of the others but the confidence she exudes makes up for it.

I won't even get into the plot, which as you can probably tell from the preview alone is simply about some mission that Charlie's Angels are supposed to accomplish -- bad people do something bad and the angels try to stop the bad guys through the use of computer-generated karate moves. All in all, as you can see from my 3 and 3/4 baby rating (figured I might as well make it precon- related), I think it is a very good movie.

Well, that's it for now. I will be sure to post on my board regarding any new developments in my TTC status. Until then, everyone take care and much positive energy and baby dust to all.

Love always,
Corinne



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