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Home › Diaries › Corinne C's › November 7, 2000

Corinne C's Diary Entries

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November 7, 2000

TTC # 1, C 14, CD 1

Hello everyone,
Yes, you read right, AF came today, dammit all. But I will get to that in a minute.

I just want to first say that my heart goes out to both Dani and Marianne for their most recent losses/miscarriages. I am so very sorry that you both had to go through this. It can all be summed up by saying life just isn't fair, don't you all think? I won't offer you insulting platitudes such as "there's always next time, it was meant to happen, etc.," but I will say that every one of us who heard about this wishes you all the best and that I especially am very confident that you will both be PG again really soon. Do take care and please feel free to lean on me anytime; I may not be able to identify exactly with your loss, but I am familiar with disappointment and am always willing to lend an ear.

TTC status
I knew AF would come -- remember I even mentioned before that I felt signs of her coming? Of course, I held onto that small gleam of hope, but to no avail. I am about as barren as the Mojave Desert, apparently. Anyway, there is some uplifting news in this whole depressing subject. I talked to the nurse at my doctor's office regarding my 1) blood test results and 2) Charles' most recent SA/sample that was used in this last IUI.

The nurse told me that my blood test results were great, that I had ovulated well, that all my progesterone, thyroid and prolactin levels, etc. were exactly where they should be. She also told me that this time around, Charles' SA results were even better than the last time. She said the first time they did the SA his count was 37 million, which was good, (anything above 10 million is supposed to be good, they say), but this time (for the IUI) it was almost 100 million. Also, the real problem had concerned the motility (ability to swim), which last time was at the low end of normal at 30 percent (normal/very good is considered 40-50 percent) and this last time around (for the IUI) Charles' motility was 60 percent! She said that Charles really has ideal test results, the best you could hope for! The nurse said that we just need to give it more time, especially with the Clomid, that we are both very healthy and theoretically fertile people, that neither of us has fertility problems and that we just need to be around each other for more than three days at a time without being totally stressed out about jobs, moving, transfers, etc., and that it should happen sooner than we think.

However, I still can't help but wonder, if everything is going along so "swimmingly" (no pun intended), then why the hell didn't it happen????? I guess the answer to this question is not one I am meant to know.

Anyway, this news helped me feel a little better about the fact that we are not hopeless and that there is a damn good fighting chance for us. Charles, of course, being the eternal optimist (ugh) says he has every confidence that we will be PG before the end of the year. I should have bet him that if he's wrong, he has to buy me diamond studs. (Smile) At least that way, if I am not PG, there is a consolation prize.

The aforementioned test results, particularly the SA results lead me to my next topic:

Vitamin Therapy to help you get PG
In this book I read, I believe it's the one I mentioned before (Getting Pregnant: What You Need To Know Right Now by Dr. Niels Lauersen), there is a chapter on vitamin therapy. The chapter spells out exactly what vitamins you and your partner should be taking to strengthen your fertility, particularly for the man. Of course, being the complete control freak that I am, after reading this chapter, I turned into the Vitamin Nazi and damn near shoved a funnel into Charles' mouth and loaded every vitamin into it. Actually, what I really did was I took every different bottle of vitamins that the book recommends and wrote on the outside of the bottle how many Charles has to take every morning so he wouldn't forget. They say that the semen a man produces today was created inside him three months ago. Well, remember the first SA Charles had with that 37 million count? That was done prior to the completion of the three-month vitamin therapy. If I have confused you, what I mean is when Charles had given his first "sample" back in early October, he had not yet been taking his vitamins for a full three months so the semen he produced had not yet been exposed to the vitamin therapy -- do you all see what I mean? For this second sample, Charles had been taking these vitamins for a full three months and I truly believe that those great results are a result of this increased vitamin intake finally kicking in. I do not remember exactly what the dosages are but I can tell you offhand that the vitamins Charles takes are:
Vitamin C (I believe 1,500 mg/day)
Vitamin B6
Vitamin E
Zinc (for motility improvement)
Multivitamin

I think that is all of them, but I am not positive. However, the book does stress that it is just as important that you don't overdose because that can negatively affect your fertility as well. We are very careful when taking these vitamins and Charles makes sure he follows the recommendations to a tee. So, if any of you out there are interested, you might want to check this all out. Of course, lest we forget, I am still not PG so I guess I will conclude this topic by totally blowing my own theory out of the water.

Interview
I had my second interview yesterday with the legal recruiting firm that I had liked so much. To make a long story long, they offered me the job at the end of the three-hour interview. They were so incredibly nice to me and I really want to take this job, but of course there just had to be a catch. I will list all the pros and the cons of this recruiting job vs. the crappy insurance law job I told you about that is also a possibility.

Recruiting job
1) Pros: Very interesting work, extremely higher overall salary than current job in Conn., commission and bonuses depending upon performance, hours are 9-5, no weekends, business casual Monday and Thursday, jeans and sneakers on Fridays, free benefits, free parking, 20 miles from home, extremely high earning potential, extremely close-knit family like atmosphere. (After my interview, one of the women who interviewed me gave me a big hug and said she can't wait for me to start.)
2) Cons: Significantly less base salary than potential insurance-related job but overall salary almost equal to insurance job.

Insurance Job
1) Pros: Very high base salary, fancy office, 19 miles from home.
2) Cons: Long hours, stuffy atmosphere, bi-weekly presentations to boring insurance people, suits only, boring subject matter, benefits and parking paid for by the employee.

I guess after seeing my little list, I know which job I should take. The insurance job just threw me for a loop because I never thought they would come up with that high an offer. Also, even if the overall potential salary as a recruiter can be higher than the insurance job, there are no guarantees, right? That is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. What if I don't do well as a recruiter and I don't make good commissions and bonuses? Even if my base salary at the recruiting job is more than I make now, if I don't do well in this job and know that I could have had an even higher guaranteed salary with the insurance job, I am going to kill myself. Greed really is a terrible thing. When I first started this whole process, all I wanted was to make at least what I currently earn. Now, I just want more and more money. Charles keeps telling me quality of life is better than money and I agree, but, I am also greedy. I am also still in the negotiating process. I am going to ask the recruiting job for a higher base salary OR a starting bonus and I am going to request an additional week in vacation. Post your opinions to me and I'll let you know how it all turns out next week.

Telling people at work that you are TTC
If someone were to ask me what is the stupidest thing I have ever done in life, this would be it. I must have had a major brain fart the day I opened my mouth and uttered those fateful words, "We're trying now but so far no luck." Now everyone is in my Kool-Aid and wants to know the flavor.

Of course, once you open that Pandora's box, there's no going back so I am now doomed to spend my remaining five weeks and two days here fielding questions and commentary from the idiot masses. Wow. Rereading that, that sounds very harsh. What I mean is, I realize that my coworkers are caring and that they are concerned about my happiness and well-being and I do really appreciate that, but when you get AF on the first Tuesday back to work after an unsuccessful IUI that all your friends know about, man does that blow chunks. All day long people have been coming up to me, saying "Did you get it, Did you get it???" It's at that point that I refrain from responding, "No, I didn't get 'it,' but what I do get is the fact that you are a total moron with about as much tact as George Jefferson."

I don't know if any of you have told people at your jobs (I believe Katie has mentioned this once or twice), but I can tell you that if you are thinking about it, think again.

Movie Review
Last but not least, I will end today's entry with a review of the movie, "The Legend of Bagger Vance" which we saw Sunday night. Well, it seems that I must retract a prior statement I made in the assessment of this movie's potential. I believe I had said I thought this would be a great movie. Good is a definite possibility, but great? Never. Don't get me wrong, the movie was most certainly watchable, Will Smith was very good and the plot was remotely captivating; however, great cinematic feat, it was not. Maybe it is just me, but I am beginning to believe that every movie contract Matt Damon signs states that the only makeup that he will agree to is Crisco, on his hair. Take a look at every movie he plays in. What is the first thing you will always notice about Matt Damon? Greasy hair. What the hell is that about?

Charlize Theron -- beautiful girl, about as talented as a two-legged racehorse, however. Greatest attribute? Likes to take her clothes off in movies. Total waste of time. However, the scenery was beautiful, the golfing aspect was very interesting (and I HATE ALL SPORTS, so this is a major admission coming from me), and the overall entertainment value was I'd say a 6 to 6.5 on a scale of one to 10.

I suppose that's it for today's entry, I have a lot more I would like to add but you are all probably snoring by now so I'll just save the rest for later and say: ++++energy and baby dust to all!

Love you,
Corinne



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