728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Diaries › Corinne C's › November 5, 2000

Corinne C's Diary Entries

Diary Navigation:

November 5, 2000

Hi again everyone!
Before I begin this week's entry, I would like to explain how I am going to write my entries from now on. Since my entries, despite all my efforts, are so long all the time, I thought it might be easier if I categorized all my thoughts and gave each new thought a title so that you may skim to a topic that interests you. That way you can skip what may not interest you and not waste time reading my entry for three hours! But, you know I really would like it if you read the whole thing! I'll let you decide ...

My Friend Michele
I have never before mentioned my dear friend Michele, not for lack of love for her, but probably just because I wanted to preserve her privacy. However, I feel at this point I need to acknowledge what a dear, sweet, friend she is. When Charles and I knew we were going to be living apart for awhile, I had to find somewhere to live in Conn. We didn't want for me to stay in our old place, because it would be so expensive to pay such a high rent in Conn. and still pay our rent in Va., which is even higher. Michele, because she didn't want me to go live in a cheap studio and be all alone and lonely, was such a sweet person, she offered her home to me and invited me to live with her and her husband for four months! How many friends out there do that sort of thing? Not many -- I am not even sure I myself could be so giving. Her husband Chris is such a great guy too. They have been so supportive of Charles and me and moreover, so generous, I simply could never repay them for such a kind act. As you all know how bad it is TTC unsuccessfully and how alone you feel in that fight against nature, nothing could possibly be worse, I would imagine, than being alone during such a process. Thanks to Chris and Michele, I have a warm, loving beautiful house to come home to every night and I couldn't be happier. So thank you Michele, for being my very best and dearest friend. I love you so much and don't know how I would make it without you. You are simply THE BEST.

TTC status
Ugh. I am so disgusted by this wait. That is all I can say. Note: In my last entry, it was incorrectly input that AF is due on Nov. 16 when it really was supposed to read that AF is due on Nov. 6. I am currently 13 DPO, 13 DPIUI and I have NOT ONE FREAKIN' SYMPTOM OF A PG'NCY OR AF! What the hell is this?!?!?!? I swear, I am going to lose my mind. Do I test, or do I not test? I want to so badly but I am such a coward. As long as I don't test, there is still hope. If I test and get a negative, it's Valium time for Miss Corinne. I'm kidding, but on a serious note, I really do not think I am PG. I am so convinced, in fact, that I had a glass of wine last night when we went out to celebrate our anniversary. Now I feel sort of bad about that, because, what if I am PG? The thing is, if AF is coming I wish she would just get here so I can start my new cycle of Clomid. Which gets me to my next "topic."

Seeing a Reproductive Endocrinologist vs. an OB/GYN
I cannot stress enough the difference between seeing an OB/GYN and an RE. For those of you who have never been to see an RE, there is a WORLD of difference. The training, the expertise and the knowledge are just a part of it but what is most important in this TTC adventure/nightmare, is the ATTITUDE. I mentioned before that my RE is very proactive in achieving the result: pregnancy. Most OB/GYNs, I've found, are so ho-hum, let's-see-what-happens-in-the-next-six-months-to-a-year types of doctors. In the next six months to a year??? The first time my OB/GYN said that to me, I almost said to her, "Lady, you can put your crack pipe down and go back to your office because I'm heading to a specialist." I mean, really. Six months to a year? You must be high. Do these people know what that time span means to people like us? The answer is no, they do not, but an RE most certainly does. All that said, if you have the opportunity to see an RE and have your insurance pay for it, I highly recommend it.

Religion
I am not a very religious person but I do believe in God and Christianity and I do believe in the power of prayer. My parents were raised Protestant but they were not churchgoers with me, so I don't know as much as I would like to about religion. However, the other day one of my very Catholic girlfriends who knows about my whole TTC story, gave me a Novena to say three times a day, seven days a week to Saint Therese. On the seventh day, I had to go to St. Therese in a Catholic church, light a candle for her and leave her a rose. I actually used a rose from the anniversary bouquet Charles sent me at work -- I thought it would be symbolic of our union and our love. My friend says the Novena always worked for her when she was praying for something that she wanted very badly. Have any of you out there ever heard of this? My faith is very strong, so I pray every day that the Novena helps me to become PG ...

Our Picture on the Diaries Page
I have had quite a few personal emails asking me about my picture. So, I will just answer these questions here. No, I am not from Hawaii, I am not from Lebanon and I am not from a foreign country. My mom is from Switzerland and my dad is black. My mom is VERY BLOND, very pale and my dad looks Italian -- not black at all, actually. Most people think he is from Spain or Italy or Greece. So, that is why I look the way I do, since a lot of you were apparently wondering.

I love my background; I think it's "neat." It's funny, most people don't realize that black people come in all shades. Charles' dad, although black, had very blue eyes, sandy hair and pale skin. In fact, Charles' dad and mine were both real blondies as kids. This is another reason I REALLY want to have a child of our own because I can't WAIT to see what eventually pops out! The picture was taken on our wedding day actually. We opted in this wedding not to go for the big poofy white dress and the tux because we both had that the first time around. My dress came from the Jessica McClintock store and was actually a bridesmaid dress I think I paid all of $180 bucks for. Charles just wore a navy suit with a tie that matched my dress. A lot of my girlfriends gave me grief about not wearing white because they felt I was still entitled but I didn't care about that this time around, you know? When you've been divorced, your perspective about weddings, marriage and love really change. It's not about a dress or a bouquet of flowers or a cake, it's about the vows -- do you mean them -- and the person you're marrying -- will he respect you, will he love you, will he not cheat on you? I would have given away all my wedding pomp and circumstance the first time around if my ex-husband could have just been faithful to me.

Anyway, it was a happy, loving day that Oct. 31, 1999, a day I will always cherish. I truly did save the best for last.

Our Anniversary Celebration
For our anniversary, since we couldn't be together on the actual day, we celebrated this weekend by spending all of Saturday together (nothing new there!), going out to a very nice dinner where I had my one glass of Merlot and then we drove around DC looking at all the beautiful sights. DC is so pretty in the night light, especially the National Cathedral. It was all very romantic, even though that stupid glass of wine did me in. I was so exhausted I slept the entire way home. Since I rarely drink (due to both TTC and to Weight Watchers) my tolerance level has dropped dramatically. Once home, we exchanged gifts. I gave Charles a Zen Garden (little sandbox with rake and rocks for your office/desk) and a watch with dual time zones. I set the watch for local time on one of the faces and Paris time on the other, in remembrance of our honeymoon.

Charles got me a cashmere sweater (I'm simply addicted to them) and this absolutely beautiful silver rolling ring from Tiffany's (to be worn as a pinky ring). For those of you unfamiliar with it, a rolling ring is actually three rings hooked all together and when you slip it on your finger it sort of rolls the whole way down. Charles said the three rings represent himself, me and ... the baby. I just love him.

Boy vs. Girl
When I think about this now, I am actually ashamed to admit it, but when I first started this whole TTC process I was literally obsessed with conceiving a girl. I read Dr. Shettles' book as well as countless others because I thought if I didn't get my girl, I might actually be depressed. I did what the books said for approximately four cycles and at that point I stopped because then all I cared about was just getting PG. Maybe this is my punishment now for ever wanting such a thing. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of myself for ever feeling that way and I most certainly DO NOT feel that way now. What in God's name was wrong with me? It's almost like God said, "OK, you silly little wench, you want to wish for something that badly? I'll give you something to wish for!" As I have said before, will I ever learn?

Well, I think that about wraps it up for this entry. Sorry I couldn't include (ha ha) a movie review, but we didn't get a chance to go to the movies. We are planning on seeing "The Legend of Bagger Vance" tonight and as I probably will be writing one more entry this week to inform of my PG status, I may be able to include my review of this, what I suspect will be, great movie.

Until then, good luck to all of you, may the PG and baby dust flurry around you to the point of making you sneeze. Also, thanks to all of you who post on my board. I simply LOVE IT when you do that! I also respond to almost every post so please do come on over when you find the time (which you obviously have a lot of if can read my entries)!

Take care and much love,
Corinne



previous diarynext diary



 
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community.   Click here to start...