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July 25, 2001
July 25, 2001
Oh Baby I Want
Oh baby I want, I could not find you,
I tried so hard, I tried to remind you;
I knew your scent, your sweet little face,
though your actual body I could not embrace.
When you never appeared, you made me cry,
very often I would wonder why;
I tried to have faith, I tried to believe,
when you never appeared, I loved to grieve.
But then one day I saw the line,
and then I thought -will you be mine?
The line was pink, and there were two,
I wanted nothing more than you.
I cried so many tears of joy,
and I thought - will you be a boy?
Oh baby I want, I love you so,
but that, I am sure, you already know.
I can’t wait to meet you, to kiss your cheek,
the thought of your presence makes me weak;
Oh baby I want, you are actually mine,
oh the gift of life, it is divine...
Well, I never said that I was Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but today I was inspired to write that little poem. Forgive me for I know it is not the best, I literally wrote it in 7 minutes. However, I wrote it because I think it expresses what so many of us go through when we try to, and hopefully successfully, conceive.
July 25 has been a very special day for me for the past two years. On July 25, 1999, Charles proposed to me and it was simply a fabulous day. It was the day it was confirmed that I would marry my best friend. Well, you can all imagine how much more important July 25 became to me when I reached the “end of my tunnel” (see my last entry) and at the end of that tunnel there was no light but instead, a little red sweater. : )
Yes ladies, you are all finally RID OF ME from this site because I am WHOO HOO PREGNANT!!!
(See Corinne skip).
(See Corinne jumping up and down like maniac).
(See Corinne stuff face with Dairy Queen dipped cone in pure ecstasy - the baby needs it).
Of course, only Corinne the Chicken would wait until her period was a whole 5 days late to test for a pregnancy. Like a fool, I decided to simply wait and torture myself from Friday the 20th until today. I simply could not believe I could actually be pg and did not want to go through the agony of getting an official negative test result. However, after awhile I kept thinking, Ok, I have not one trace of my period, not even CM and as we all know by now, my period is NEVER late. Also, every time I would eat I would feel nauseous. Despite this nausea, I have had for the past week a ridiculously voracious appetite. For the past two days, I have had to pee every two hours and finally, I am constantly hot and thirsty. This was also odd for me because I am ALWAYS freezing. So - I started thinking that something was not right with my body and I couldn’t take not knowing one minute more. Charles was in the living room this morning completely clueless, as usual, and I slipped into the bathroom with a pg test, locking the door behind me. I said a quick prayer before peeing on the stick and waited for the result. Now mind you, I had already peed 4-5 times that morning so I was only able to get a little bit on the stick. I was planning on letting the stick lie there for 3 minutes while I went away and waited for the results but as soon as I peed on it, the stick turned pink right away. I have to tell you, I saw that line and burst into tears, it was easily the happiest moment of my natural born life.
I went out to Charles and just stood there like a complete dope and started crying. Charles immediately starts asking me what is wrong and I hand him the positive stick. Do you know that his first words were “what is this?”
What is this???? It is what we have been dreaming about for a whole friggin year and a half, that’s what. LOL.
I told him it was a positive test stick, that I was pregnant and he immediately jumped up, hugged me, kissed me and said all sorts of sweet things. He also added that he had told me so, that he always had faith that it would happen and finally, he reminded me of what he had told me weeks earlier. He had said “Corinne, things may seem bleak to you right now, but trust me, lightning can strike when you least expect it - have a little faith.” And he was right.
Right after testing, I called my infertility nurse to tell her the news as well as to ask her if I could come in for a blood test. Lucy, my nurse, was extremely happy and congratulatory and told me to come in right away. She did add that we would not get the results back until the next day at noon, but I didn’t care. So, we raced to the infertility clinic, they drew the blood and when I told them that today was our 2-year proposal anniversary, all the nurses got teary-eyed and said they would ask the lab techs if they could get the results right away. The nurses are all so nice, they really felt for me because they all knew about my TTC history. It turned out that a couple of strings were pulled and Lucy told me she would call me in an hour and a half to give me the official results.
In the meantime, Charles and I left and went straight to Pea in a Pod to look around. After that, we decided to go to lunch and celebrate though the thought of food was not very appealing to me. On the way to the restaurant, Lucy called me on my cell phone and I was so nervous I could barely answer it. First she asked me if I was sitting down, then she asked me if I was driving. I wasn’t, but I said yes anyway because I was so spazzed out. She repeated her question and then I answered correctly. She then said those magic words “Corinne it is POSITIVE!!! You are pregnant, congratulations!!!!!” I again burst into tears, completely overwhelmed by the absolute best news of my life. Lucy then added that my positive was a very strong positive with my hormone (I guess she means hcG) levels in the 3000s. She asked me to come back on Friday so they can retest to make sure my levels are increasing.
I guess you are all wondering what Charles and I did differently this month to achieve a pregnancy. Well, the answer to that is absolutely nothing. We had sex only 2 times, on the O days specified by my friend’s psychic (Days 12 & 13). I used no fertility monitor, no OPK tests, no drugs, no shots, no herbs, no formulas - nothing. The only change is that as of June 1, I have had not one drop of coffee, tea, soda (diet or regular), or artificial sweetener. Maybe it made the difference. Maybe God just decided we are finally ready.
After lunch, Charles and I went to the bookstore where I purchased the perfunctory “What to Expect When You are Expecting,” as well as some other pregnancy related books. After the bookstore, we went back to the mall where I bought the most adorable little quilted navy blue fall jacket. I had seen it last Saturday when I was browsing, promising myself I would come back and buy that jacket if I found out I was pg. I am telling you, this was the absolute best day of my life. Charles and I were ecstatic all day, going over who would be the godparents, what names we liked, what the nursery will look like. We even unpacked the “little red sweater.” (For those of you unfamiliar with what I am talking about, I wrote an entry awhile back about this darling little red infant sweater Charles bought me for Valentine’s Day the year when we had started TTC. That sweater has become symbolic to me throughout my entire TTC journey). Most of all, we reveled in the fact that we created life, together. In less than 8 months, there will a piece of Charles and I all jumbled into one sassy, opinionated, dry-witted human being, walking this earth, probably wreaking havoc on unsuspecting individuals.
I simply must add that I cannot thank you all enough for putting up with my various mood swings and depressions as I struggled for the past 10 months. I thank you all for your kind words, your support and your uplifting messages. I sometimes wonder how I would have made it without you all. And in case you were wondering whether I appreciate this positive result more because I had to struggle for it, well, the answer to that is definitely “yes.” I don’t think I would have been as ecstatic if I had gotten pregnant the first time I tried. And you know, I will tell those of you trying, when you finally get that positive, (and YOU ALL will), you completely displace how long it took, the struggles you went through and you will simply concentrate on the fact that it doesn’t matter how or when you got there, just that you actually got there at all.
Don’t get me wrong, I will never forget or trivialize that Charles and I came all this way, a long and painful journey, a year and a half of trying, of medical procedures of drugs and treatments. There were many roadblocks and detours but what a precious reward for our struggles. I simply now understand that I don’t have to forget that pain I went through, I only have to realize that it no longer really matters. I am going to have a baby. That is all that matters.
I wish all you TTC’ers out there the absolute best luck and here is an extra truckload of baby dust for you all. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*.
Love always,
Corinne and her baby
EDD 4-1-02
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