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June 5, 2001
June 4, 2001
TTC # 1
TTC Status
I will first update you on my TTC status, since it is so insignificant. Basically, I am on day CD 10. I am still taking the FUR, the Flax Oil, and the FCS II. We BD’d on CD 8 and we will again tonight and every other night through CD 17. After this cycle, if I am still not pg, I will beginning the initial screening for IVF. All that entails is my going in and getting all the blood work done, etc. I suppose we can still try on our own that month (July) before they start me on BCPs. The following month (August) they would put me on BCPs. The month after that, I stop the BCPs, they administer the drugs, do the retrieval and actually do the IVF procedure. Let’s all pray and hope that it doesn’t get to that point. So, TTCwise, this is where I stand for the moment…
I had a very interesting weekend. Where to start…
Shower Etiquette…
Friday afternoon started off with a baby shower for one of the wives of my coworkers. Despite my current inability to conceive, I really do like baby showers most of the time. This one however really took the cake, not because of any idiotic commentary directed toward me, but only because of the ridiculous gifts people bought. The Monday before the shower we were given a printout of the mother-to-be’s registry and I have to say, I was quite surprised/amused/dumbfounded at some of the items listed. Rubbing alcohol, baby powder, wipes – NURSING PADS???? I mean, as a pg woman, do you really want people buying you “gifts” for your NIPPLES, (nipple gifts)???? Perhaps I am simply out of the loop, but why on earth would anyone register for these things? Maybe someone out there can provide me with an answer…do enlighten me. I always thought the whole point of registering is so that you could have people buy things that you normally wouldn’t get for yourself – nice clothes, cute baby albums, decorative items for the nursery, things of that nature. But rubbing alcohol??? I think that the CVS brand of rubbing alcohol costs a whole .88 cents! Is it that inconvenient that you can’t simply purchase some yourself???? And the nursing pads part was just too much. Call me prude, but I would not want someone buying me such a personal and private item. I mean really, why not just register for Vagisil while you’re at it?
On the opposite side of this argument, one thing I can’t stand is when people register for very expensive items -$100+ gifts. My feelings about baby showers is this: back in the day before showers became these ridiculous affairs, typical baby shower gifts consisted of blankets, onesies, bottles, stuffed animals, books, silver cups, spoons, dishes, etc. Now, it’s like people expect you to pay for the kid’s damn college education. I don’t think it’s fair to do this to people, i.e., play on their generosity. You want to register for a car seat or a monitor or (decently priced) stroller, well that’s one thing, but let’s not be too greedy here – geez. One thing I have noticed about a lot of women when they talk about their showers (and I know I am going to suffer much wrath from some women for what I am about to say), is they love to talk about who will buy them what, and that hopefully this person will buy them that and if only enough people will pay for this, then they can buy that…Excuse me, but when my husband and I decided to have a baby we made that decision knowing fully well that we can afford to buy whatever we need on our own. Now, that is not to say that if a couple doesn’t have a lot of money that they shouldn’t take gifts from people. No, what I am really referring to are the people (and we all know who they are) who have plenty of money, but are looking for a hand-out from generous victims. I am sure that a lot of you have been to those showers where the registry includes the absolutely necessary “Classic Pooh Floor Lamp” or the “Peter Rabbit Rocking Chair and Child’s Table,”at the low, low cost of $150 -$300 hard earned dollars. My feelings are that if a couple is struggling and needs money for a stroller or a high chair or some other necessity, then fine, register for it. However, I find it to be the epitome of greed as well as bad taste to ask someone to buy you a completely useless item such as a decorative lamp or B.S. table THAT AN INFANT DOES NOT NEED ANYWAY, for God’s sake. I mean, come on people. Of course, gifts from expectant grandparents do not fall into any of these categories, it is completely appropriate to accept as much from your parents as they are willing to give. Haha. Now that I have all the expectant mothers hating me, let me move on…
Waitstaffs…
A girlfriend and I went to lunch at Ruby Tuesday’s on Saturday. Now, generally I like Ruby Tuesdays since it has a decent salad bar. I tend not to order anything else because in general, the menu consists of very fatty items. My girlfriend ordered a dish (I can’t exactly recall what it was), that has a very heavy, thick cream sauce all over it. Well, when the dish was served, the plate was filled to overflowing. Whoever the “chef” was that night must have had a six-pack before coming in to work because he had loaded the plate so much that it was spilling over the sides. This would have been OK except that the waitress who served us had her thumb and index finger stuck into the sauce about an inch deep. I am sorry, but that is simply foul. I wouldn’t want a finger that was first treated with penicillin sticking into my food, let alone a complete stranger’s finger with God knows what smeg all over it completely defiling my meal. I mean, where do they get these people????? And might I add, if you were a waitress, would you want your finger stuck into some hot sauce on a plate???? Yeah, about as much as you’d want a fork stuck in your eyeball. When my girlfriend said something to the waitress about it, she had the audacity to cop an attitude like we had insulted her by implying that her finger was unsanitary. Are you believing this story? Well, we were in a good mood that day because we just got up and left and didn’t bother calling the manager over to complain. That waitress is lucky because we were on the verge of raising hell. I guess we should have, but then, a part of us felt badly and didn’t want to be responsible for someone potentially losing their job, though she certainly deserved it. Anyway, this little episode has led me to the conclusion that I have way too may incidents in restaurants and probably should be spending my time eating meals at home.
Surreal Encounter…
I think I once mentioned that I absolutely hate the word “surreal.” One of the reasons for this is because I find it is most frequently used to described circumstances that are in fact, not surreal. Well, today I am breaking my own rule and I am using this word to describe an encounter I had with an individual in the mall on Saturday.
After leaving that simply vile Ruby Tuesday’s, my girlfriend and I were walking through the mall just casually browsing. We approached a merry-go-round in the center of the mall, this huge one like they have in amusement parks. Being the kid-lover that I am, I started looking at the merry-go-round to see all the cute children. Immediately I spot this woman on the merry-go-round who looks vaguely familiar to me. She catches my glance and our eyes lock. I can’t stop staring at her and she can’t stop staring at me as she goes around and around and around. I was simply dumbfounded at the sight of this woman because I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t believe WHO I was seeing. After all these years! Do you have any idea who I could possibly be talking about? This is beginning to play out like a bad 90210 episode so I will just come out and say it. It was CHARLES’ EX-WIFE. I hadn’t seen her in over 7 years, since her and Charles’ wedding, the same wedding I was a bridesmaid in, in case you forgot that part.
Before I continue with the next part of the encounter, I guess I need to fill you in on the background a little bit. Charles’ ex-wife and I were once good friends. We did not grow up together but we have known each other since we were children as our parents were very good friends. When I moved to Hartford to go to law school, “W” was living in Hartford and dating Charles. To make a long story short, I began dating my ex-husband and the four of us: my ex, Charles, W and myself became close friends. We did almost everything together. After Charles and W got married, their marriage almost immediately fell apart. I stopped hearing from either Charles or W and the next thing I knew, Charles told me they were splitting up. I won’t go into the gory details of their relationship, but they parted on very bad terms and Charles ended up extremely bitter, resentful and hurt. About a year after they split up is when I made the ridiculous decision to marry my ex-husband, once again, Charles was in my wedding.
Cozy, isn’t it?
Approximately a year after I got married, my ex and I split and Charles and I became very close friends. Nothing romantic, just friends. Of course within months, we were more than friends and well, you know the rest.
Given the foregoing, I was apprehensive about approaching W who was waving at me. I was unsure as to whether or not I would somehow be betraying Charles’ loyalty by approaching her when I know how much he despises her and even worse, I was scared that she would somehow be pissed at me because let’s face it – whether or not they were together, I did marry the woman’s ex-husband. Who knew if she would be bitter about that? Curiosity got the better of me, I simply had to go up to her.
When we met W hugged me and told me how much she missed me. She introduced me to her little girl who is almost 3 and was very adorable. She then proceeded to tell me about her life and here is the most interesting part – a year or so ago, Charles asked me how I would feel if I were to run into W with her little girl once we moved to Virginia. We knew she was living in the area and that there would be the possibility of us running into her down here. Unlikely seeing as how this is such a huge city/tri-state area, yet still possible. At that time, I had responded that I would be depressed to see his ex-wife with a child when I don’t have one. It simply seemed unfair considering what a wack-job she had once been that she could so easily produce a child at her whim. However, when I actually saw W with her child, I didn’t feel badly at all. I could have cared less.
W then goes on to tell me that she is a SAHM and that she is trying to get pg again. The interesting part is that she told me it took almost a year for her to get pg with her daughter and she has been trying to get pg with the second for over 6 mos. She also said that she will just keep trying until it happens and not worry about it. I don’t know why, but somehow I felt somewhat relieved, that yes, there are other people out there who DO take some time to conceive and that YES, they are all right with that and can be patient and just wait for it to happen.
All in all, it was a very weird conversation, mostly because Charles’ and W’s marriage ended on a very bad note but yet W was so friendly to me. Of course, I was kicking myself the whole rest of the day because OF COURSE, I looked very bummy in jeans and these stupid sandals. Quite frankly, I would have chosen to run into my husband’s ex-wife looking a hell of a lot better than I did. Not that I am trying to be vain, but no one wants their spouse’s ex to see them looking less than their best, do you know what I mean? Isn’t that always the way it is though? Any other time, I would have looked nice, but on that day, I just had to go out looking like a freshman on a Saturday morning…typical.
Now, I ask you – out of all the people that you know, who else on this planet would 1) marry one of their groomsmen, 2) move to a state where the groomsmen’s ex-wife resides, 3) go to eat in a mall (that I never EVER go to, by the way, because it is so far from my house) where the ex-wife just happened to be on that day, because she just happened to move to that state, and 4) who on all days, would just happen to look like something the cat dragged in the one time that she actually runs into the ex-wife? I swear, my luck is about as good as a stray dog’s in rush-hour traffic.
Child in Need
The final interesting occurrence of the weekend took place of all places in a local traveling carnival/fair, you know, those cheesy ones where they have all the old rides from the 70’s like the Rotor, the Tilt-a-Whirl and the Paratrooper? Charles and I are amusement park junkies and we simply cannot get enough of rides, even if they are from a cheesy carnival. We prefer roller coasters but we take our thrills where we can get them. On Saturday night we went to the carnival and amazingly enough, managed not to eat one single thing. It was tough because you know they had all this great stuff – my weakness is fried dough with sugar. To die for. Anyhow, we went into this absolutely ridiculous funhouse/haunted house that was so totally not scary but going through it you simply have to laugh because the attempts at frightening you are so lame. They have these dark hallways you walk through with bursts of air and screaming and hideous faces popping up all over the place. A complete waste of time. So Charles and I are about to go into the darkest and “scariest” part of the house when we see this little girl, approximately 3 years old standing at the doorway, looking absolutely terrified to enter. The way the house was designed, you couldn’t really go backwards so she just stood there and looked like she was about to cry. She looked so damn pitiful and helpless and I just wanted to pick her up but wasn’t sure if she would freak out on me. I figured that she would probably freak more if I left so I just scooped her up and carried her off with Charles behind me. That little girl just buried her face in my shoulder and clung to me with all the strength she had. I didn’t know what lay ahead of us, and if I had, I might have attempted retreating. Instead I just walked ahead with this small child clinging to me for dear life, whimpering as these hideous faces accompanied by screams and dropping floors and blasts of freezing air. It was so damn dark inside I could barely see and all I could think about was 1) God, please don’t let me trip with this child in my arms and 2) what idiot parent would be so stupid as to let their 3 year-old enter this house of horrors? We finally made it out and when we did the child’s mother was of course, nowhere to be found. She finally did surface amongst the throngs of onlookers and she thanked me for taking care of the girl. Nice mother. Nice parenting. Village idiot would be a more befitting term. After we parted, Charles said “You are going to be such a great mom one day.” It was sweet.
I tell you, there is nothing in the world (to me) like knowing that a child needs you. It felt so good to hold that little girl and take care of her, even if it was for just 3 minutes. She was so little, so needy. And even though she was scared, she was loving too. I would have taken her home with me in a minute. What an incredible feeling it must be to get almost a lifetime of that same feeling with your own child. To all you moms out there already, I truly hope you realize how lucky you are. Every day in different ways, I realize that the gift of motherhood is truly one of the greatest privileges one can ever possibly be granted, no matter how you eventually achieve it. And that is what it is - a privilege, not a right. A gift, not an entitlement. I simply cannot wait until it is my turn. I hope it is soon.
Take care,
C
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