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February 15, 2001
February 15, 2001
TTC# 1 Cycle 16, CD 15
Happy belated Valentine’s Day to everyone! Warning, this entry is not going to be that captivating. I am sorry about that, but I promise I will give you a better one next time.
Well, here it is, CD 15 and I am still getting a low reading on my fertility monitor. AF just stopped (FINALLY) 2 days ago. When I asked the nurse at my RE’s office about this, and she said that when you take injectable meds, sometimes after you get off them, you can have a long AF cycle or even annovulation. Tammy W. actually confirmed this information for me as well. Nice, real nice. The one thing I did well on my own – ovulate – has been taken away from me as well. So, that means this month is a bust for becoming pg. The good news is I am having my laparoscopy on Tuesday, February 20, so at least by this time next week I will have some answers.
I am not depressed at all surprisingly enough. I feel good about my prospects of getting pg and am just trying to be patient about it. I wish I had more news to report TTC-wise, but there really is nothing else to say. In case you were all wondering, I never did use the Instead Cups because we just BD’d naturally. Something about those cups seems so unnatural, maybe because I am a former diaphragm user, or maybe just because I prefer to have a sexual relationship with my husband, rather than use artificial methods. But I would use them if the circumstances arose.
I am so excited about the upcoming weekend as my dear friend Nancy is coming to visit us. Nancy and I worked together right out of law school and have been close friends ever since. She is just the absolute best person ever and even more important than that, she makes me laugh hysterically. She is such an incredibly fun person to be around and she is just what I need before my surgery. She is arriving tonight and we are going to pick her up at the airport in Baltimore right after work. Friday I will go to work and she will take the metro from my job into D.C. and do some sightseeing. Friday night we are going to this really great place for dinner called Sequoia, near the Kennedy Center. It was recommended by friends and is supposed to be great as it is right on the water. Saturday we plan to go to the Holocaust Museum and then maybe do lunch and a little shopping in Georgetown. Saturday night, whether Nancy likes it or not, she is going to see a movie. Not sure what yet, but we were thinking of seeing Chocolat, since it is nominated for an Academy Award. And can I just interrupt to say that the fact that “Billy Elliot” was not nominated is perhaps one of the greatest movie travesties in history, in my humble opinion. I mean, I liked Gladiator, yes – but hello! It is definitely not Academy Award-worthy.
Sunday we will probably go to the mall – Nancy is a shopper like me – and then her flight leaves Sunday evening. Should be a great weekend, especially since I have Monday off for the holiday and then Tuesday and Wednesday for my surgery and recuperation. A nice short workweek, which should be good as I assume I will still be sore at that point.
Valentine's Day
Charles and I even had a boring Valentine’s Day. Of course, it was fun because we were together and because we love each other, but as far as traditional Valentine’s Day romance is concerned, we failed miserably. Charles had made reservations at my favorite restaurant but we ended up not going because I wanted to stay home and disinfect the house before Nancy arrived. So Charles and I opened our gifts to one another and then he helped me scour toilets and dust shelves until 10:00. Romantic, isn’t it? I thought that’s what you would think.
I can’t help but get depressed when I think of the gift Charles gave me for Valentine’s Day last year. He gave me the most adorable tiny red sweater from the Baby Gap with teeny heart shaped buttons down the front– newborn size. When he gave it to me, he said that next Valentine’s Day our little baby (if it's a girl) would be wearing that sweater. Well, that little sweater is still safely tucked away in its box, on a shelf high up in the closet. At the time I thought it was the best gift I had ever gotten, and I still do. However, now I can’t help but become sad when I think of it, for it is not just a sweater anymore. It is a symbol of my failures and my fears that I have experienced over the past year. That sweater may not ever get any use, and the thought of that is frightening. Charles doesn’t even know this, but sometimes I will go into the closet and take the sweater out and just touch it and try to imagine what our child would look like in it. But then I end up in tears when I do that, so I don’t do it that often anymore.
Well, I tell you one thing - when I finally do get that baby, I don’t care if it’s a girl OR a boy. That kid will be wearing the red girlie sweater, whether it likes it or not, I don’t care what anyone says. Though the child may not be conceived or born on Valentine’s Day, that baby will always be a Valentine’s Day baby to me. For when I look at my child in it, I will not just see a baby in a red sweater, nor a drooling smile above the collar. When I my baby wears that sweater, girl or boy, I will see all that I have achieved and how far I have come in my painful TTC journey. I will see how love and endurance and strength and even romance brought that child to me. And I will be happy.
Until next week, many positive vibes and pg dust to all.
Love,
Corinne
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