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February 9, 2001
February 9, 2001
TTC#1, Cycle 16, CD 9
Hello!
OK, before I start, I have to apologize for the way my entries are appearing with spaces between the lines and some lines being shorter than the others. I don’t know what the hell it is I am doing wrong, because I keep typing everything perfectly into the little box they provide; nevertheless, it still comes out all screwed up. I don’t get it. Can someone explain to me how I can eradicate this problem? I would be forever grateful…
Anyway, I have been having a very odd cycle so far. First of all, as you can see, today is CD 10. Yesterday I still had AF, very little, but red nonetheless. That never happens to me. Usually I only bleed for approx. 4-5 days, if that. Now, I know you are all going to scream “hypocrite,” but I caved and started using my fertility monitor this cycle just to be absolutely sure of when I was O’ing. Because my cycle was longer this time and because I was still bleeding, I wanted to know what the hell is going on. I mean, I usually O exactly on CD 13-14, but with AF being 3 days late this past cycle, how can I really be sure without testing, right? So – I might be a hypocrite, but I am certainly no fool. Now – the reason I stopped using the monitor was NOT because I don’t think it works. Au contraire, I DO. In fact, the FM has always worked perfectly fine for me, always tells me when I O, but the thing is, I just always felt since I already knew when I was O’ing, due to cramps and such, there was no more point in using the thing. Sort of redundant, ya’ know? Well, now that I have a bit of doubt, I am resorting to using the FM again only to reassure me that I am indeed even O’ing. (By the way, does anyone know where I can buy more test sticks? I used to buy them at Brooks Pharmacy, but I don’t think that place exists down here, so I am at a loss on where to look. Any advice would be most helpful).
On prior cycles, I would have had high fertility starting on CD 7 or 8. This time –still LOW on CD 9. Hmmm…the only thing I can think of is that damn Clomid must have wrecked the one good thing about me – my perfect O. How is this possible? Sometimes I honestly believe that I have the name “Job” emblazoned on my forehead because apparently I was born to suffer…
At any rate, as you may have seen posted on my boards, the nurse at my RE’s wants to schedule my lap for March 13. This sucks for 2 reasons. 1) Charles will be away on business the 11th –14th and there is no way in hell he can change that. 2) The 15-16thth of March is when I should be O’ing and I wanted to be able to take advantage of that. If I have the lap 2 days before, there is no way I can TTC. So, I am trying to contact the nurse (who has been out sick) to see if the lap can’t be scheduled the week or two before the 13th. At this point, I certainly can’t even afford to lose one possible month. Of course, we can all simply pray for a miracle for me and hope that I get pg this cycle so I don’t even have to bother with the lap.
Well, that is where I stand TTC wise. Starting this weekend, BD fest of 2/01 will commence with the added help of Instead Cups. I will be sure to report back as to how those little devices ended up working out. I’m sure it will be quite the entertaining tale – with my luck, I will squeeze the thing too hard, causing it to shoot inside me and ricochet off the back of my spine, resulting in paralysis. It could happen.
Blast From the Past
I had a very interesting thing happen to me this week. I was doing this search for a client who is seeking to fill a position in their firm, so I was inputting stats into our database to pull up other firms to recruit from, and what firm should pull up but a firm owned by a very serious ex-boyfriend of mine from college. His name is Ken and he and I dated seriously for two years while I was at UVa undergrad and he was at the law school. Anyway, I was so stunned to see his name, that I thought what the hell, I should call him up just to say hello. I did just that, and he was thrilled to hear from me. And before you all wonder, Charles was not at all jealous that I called an ex-boyfriend. First of all, I was still dating Ken when Charles and I were simply friends so they knew each other and Charles always liked Ken. In fact, Charles has always told me over the years how I should look Ken up and it was a shame that we had lost touch – I know, I know, Charles is weird.
Anyway, getting back to the story…Ken I spent an hour catching up. Now, all these years I wondered about Ken, I naturally assumed he must have a boatload of kids by now and that his life would be perfect. Why would I assume that, do you ask? Mainly, because I am stupid. Additionally, because 1) he always wanted a lot of kids, 2) he came from a large family of 7 kids so that means he must be fertile and 3) he’s a twin and has a very close bond with his brother. Also, Ken is almost 5 years older than I am, so it just seemed to be the natural order of things. Well, through this conversation I learned some very interesting things. As it turns out, Ken is indeed married, which I would have assumed. However, his wife who is 35, had a stillbirth at 7 months last year. Subsequently, Ken’s wife got pg again within 6 months and but unfortunately had a m/c at 8 weeks. Well naturally, I was completely shocked when Ken told me all of this about he and his poor wife having these losses. I mean, here I am stupidly thinking everyone has it so much better than me, that everything always works out for everyone else, but not for me and then here comes Ken telling me how his life has really sucked for the past year and a half, how it has been the toughest thing either he or his wife have ever had to go through, how it almost broke him. He too worries that he may never be able to have kids. But what he also said to me is that as tough as it was, he knows it will get better and how he just tries to stay positive and keep his head up, because that is all you can do. When he said all this, I thought to myself – God, now there is what I call blind faith. That is the way I need to be. I mean, here I am bitching up a storm about “poor me, it’s not fair, everyone is better off than me,” and that is so NOT the case. All this to say, talking to Ken really gave me a good sense of perspective. He of course cited to me the same old platitudes about how God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle, but you know what? As cliché-ish as it sounds, he is right.
Well, this is my lesson for the week: you are never as bad off as you think and despite the fact that you believe you are alone in your suffering, there are always others out there who are suffering just as much, if not more than you. Talking to Ken definitely was a good kick in the ass for me, one that I most certainly needed.
OK – real quick now – my Movie Review
The Gift – 4 Babies
This murder-mystery takes place is Red-Neck city, USA. It is a story about a woman (Cate Blanchett) who plays a widow raising three young boys with no other means of income aside from telling people their “fortune” through the reading of tarot cards. Hillary Swank plays a battered wife who seeks aid from Blanchett by asking her questions about what she should do about her abusive husband. Abusive Husband is played by an absolutely disgusting looking Keanu Reeves who becomes infuriated that Blanchett has been putting all these ideas in his wife’s head about leaving him. He threatens Blanchett through the entire movie and is essentially an absolute beast.
The other part of the story focuses around a school principal (Greg Kinnear) and his slut of a fiancé, (Katie Holmes). Holmes mysteriously disappears and the police, albeit begrudgingly, seek Blanchett’s sooth-saying abilities in trying to locate Holmes. I won’t go any further into the story, for if I do, I will ruin all the surprises, however I will say that the movie, despite the fact that it got bad ratings, will most likely keep you on the edge of your seat. It was definitely scary, slightly gory and most definitely entertaining. I would not call it Billy Bob Thornton’s greatest cinematic feat, by any means. However, it was certainly a very thrilling film and if you have the opportunity, I think you will enjoy it for the most part.
Now, I said I would give a weekly review of Survivor but doing both a movie review and a Survivor Review would be just too much. However I think what I will do from now on is this: I will just write a Survivor Review only if the episode is so cataclysmic that it would necessitate my commentary. I mean, let’s face facts, it doesn’t take a weekly review to reach the conclusion that Jerri is a primo bitch with a forked tongue and that she was probably born of a jackal. That much is obvious.
On that note, I will conclude my entry right here and who knows, I may just add another before the week is up, should I have anything of interest to report.
Take care all and best of luck to you this cycle.
Love always,
Cori
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