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January 27, 2001
TTC#! Cycle 15, Doesn't matter what CD this is because
AF is on her dreadful way!
Hi everyone,
I really like this new system, it is so much easier than before.
The only "downside" is there will probably be so many more
entries than before and I will therefore be that much more behind
in my reading!
That’s OK though, it is worth it to have so much control over our own diaries.
Well, let’s see where we are. First, I would like to congratulate Megan on
her pg! I am so happy for you Megan, you really, really deserve it and I
wish you a happy, healthy pg. Also, I want to thank you Megan for being
so supportive of me during all these tough times. You, along with many
others, have been so wonderful to me and I cannot thank you enough.
You will be sorely missed once you pass on to the pg diaries. Can I ask
you though, was it the Instead Cups that got you pg this cycle or just pure
God’s will? Maybe both? In my last entry I submitted of 1/22/01
(which was never posted, I am assuming due to the changeover in the
posting system), I mentioned that I ran out to Target almost immediately
after reading your entry about how Instead Cups can aid in achieving
pregnancy. Let’s hope they work for me this next cycle.
TTC Status
I saw my new RE in VA yesterday and he is simply wonderful. Dr.
Greenhouse - is that an omen or what??? Especially considering
one of my more recent entries where I use the greenhouse-tomato-growing
analogy. Well, after my appointment yesterday, I feel confident that Dr.
Greenhouse will be the one to finally grow my little tomato. : )
My appointment was at 12:30. I arrived early because I wanted to be sure
I would arrive on time, so I was actually there around 12:20. As soon as I
handed them all my info (which I had prepared at home), Dr. Greenhouse
himself came into the waiting room and saw me in to his office. He was so
incredibly nice and supportive, I could hardly believe it. He sat me down,
went over all my info with me and then proceeded to start from scratch,
explaining all the procedures I had had done in the past, what they truly
meant, how they truly worked. I have never, ever had ANYTHING explained
to me in the past the way Dr. G had explained it to me. For one thing, he
explained that my records showed I had had hormone testing (I never
even realized that) and what that essentially meant was this: every woman,
as we all know by now, has approximately 2 million eggs in her body from
the time she is born and at puberty, she starts releasing them. Well, as a
woman ages and enters her 30’s, the rate at which the egg(s) is/are released
increases. The hormone tests administered are to see how quickly my eggs
are being released and to verify that they are being released at a normal
rate. Dr. G assured me that my results show that I am releasing eggs at the
rate of a woman in her 20’s and not 30’s so that is a good thing. He also
treated me like a completely fertile person, and that I think is what made
all the difference. He said that in all honesty, he didn’t feel that Charles
and I had been trying “consistently and actively” for that long considering
Charles and I had very limited sexual contact over the past five months due
to the long-distance thing. Also considering the fact that there were at least
3-4 months during the past year where no attempts were made at all due to
business trips, etc., Dr. G said he thinks there is nothing to be concerned
about at the present time. He said everything that I knew already, in
essence that Charles’ sperm count was fine, I am perfectly healthy, yada,
yada and that at this point we had two options:
Option 1
We can start the Clomid/IUI/hcG process again. Chances are, we should
be successful. If we are not, then either drop the whole treatment process
and try naturally OR start with IVF.
Option 2
Have a laparoscopy to rule out any abnormalities, endo, etc. If there are
abnormalities, treat them. Then start up again with IUI/Clomid/hcG, etc.
Dr. G. said that he didn’t think a lap was necessarily necessary for me at this
point but that a lot of women get very upset when they try unsuccessfully with
IUIs and then FINALLY decide to have a lap, only to discover they have
endo or something else wrong that could have been easily corrected had
they just investigated the problem earlier. Without having the lap, you
run the risk of wasting precious IUI cycles. The downside to having a lap
is that it is slightly invasive and that it is surgery, no matter how you slice it.
With surgery, there are always risks, but less than associated with labor and
delivery so there are no real concerns there.
Well, before Dr. G could get all of the above out of his mouth, I immediately
decided (before I even got to the office) that I wanted a lap because I
refuse not to be absolutely certain about the state of my reproductive
health - who knows what could be lingering deep down in there???
I also voiced some of my former RE’s concerns about my uterus and
ovary being stuck together.
With that in mind, Dr. G performed an ultrasound which 1) confirmed
AF should be arriving any day now and that 2) showed nothing abnormal
about the placement of my uterus and ovary except that my left ovary
appears to be slightly toward the back. But, he said that is very common
and certainly no cause for concern or any reason that my fertility should be
decreased.
All in all, he sounded very confident, he was very supportive and most
important, he treated me as if I were NORMAL. As I am sure so many of
you know by now, feeling normal at times like this is SO critical. I am so
tired of feeling like a circus freak. I actually left that office feeling like I
could even get pg on my own with a just a little bit of effort. I haven’t felt
like that in months and it was liberating beyond belief. Also, I felt like
kissing the man because he made me so happy. He made me laugh
when I was getting ready for the ultrasound. You see, he waited outside
the door for me while I was undressing. As I took off my jeans (it was
casual day at work), I noticed to my horror that I hadn’t lotioned my legs
that morning and they looked like I had been dancing in a vat of baby
powder - they were THAT ashy! Also, to my horror, I had worn a pair of
black shoes that for some odd reason, bleed black die through my stockings
onto my toes making me look like I have dirty feet - disgusting. So
here I am, frantically trying to wash my feet in the sink and grabbing
lotion from the counter to spread on my legs and he is yelling through
the door - “What are you doing in there?” Of course, the lotion squirts
straight out and hits my boobs and makes a really incriminating stain on
my balck sweater. I yell back “Just five more minutes,” as I try to wipe the
lotion off, AND wash my black feet at the same time. So, he’s laughing
outside the door, I’m laughing inside the door and when I was finally
ready, I still looked awful so I had to explain everything to him and we
both just laughed. He said not to worry, he wouldn’t think less of me.
Very sweet guy - so unlike the emotionless RE I had in CT.
You know, it’s funny -I talked last night with a girlfriend who is going
through the exact same thing as I am, and I had no idea she was going
through it. Well, she goes to the RE I saw back in CT as coincidence
would have it, and she told me that 1) she couldn’t stand him either and
that 2) he is supposed to have such a high success rate, that women from
all over the nation go to see him. Well, here are my thoughts on that:
I don’t give one rat’s as how successful you are, or how effective your
methods - the bottom line is that being a doctor is not just about curing -
it’s also about caring. And I do believe that in this particular area of
medicine, where women’s hormones are running wild, where depression
and frustration are rampant, a doctor needs not only to have compassion,
but must exude it as well. I think that that quality in a doctor should increase
his success rates even more. Don’t you? Just my humble opinion...
One thing that I like so much is that the VA office is very close to both
home and work. The office is right down the street form Charles’ store and
about 15 minutes from my job, which makes it extremely convenient. Plus,
they have a Georgetown office which is about a 10 minute walk from my job.
Dr. G. said if I ever need to go for monitoring, etc., I could easily go to the
Georgetown office. Ah, things are seeming to fall into place...
So, where does this all lead, you ask?
It leads to me having a lap done in about 3-4 weeks. And I can’t wait.
The weird thing about me is I have always looked forward to surgery.
I know - “Weirdo” is what you are thinking. Well, the reason is because,
1) I have a very high threshold for pain, always have and 2) I simply love
the feeling of slipping into a deep sleep when they administer the
anesthesia. I NEVER fear that I won’t wake or that there will be
complications, I simply always feel a great sense of relief that whatever
is wrong will now be fixed. I have had three knee surgeries in my life,
the last being a complete reconstruction - all thanks to a college ski injury.
I also had a breast lump while in law school which wasn’t malignant,
just fatty tissue, but I wanted it out nevertheless. All of these surgeries
were such peaceful experiences, and I emerged from all 4 a better,
healthier person. And after the lap, I imagine I will feel the same way -
either there will be nothing wrong and we will do our damnedest to
conceive or there will be an “issue” and they will make it go away.
How could I not look forward to those kinds of possibilities?
Well, this is getting kind of long, so I will end this now. I apologize for
having no movie review, but Charles has been away on business off
and on all week and he had inventory last night and again tonight so
we were unable to even see each other, let alone go to a movie.
I will however, write a review of Survivor at some point next week to
make up for it. Now that we can post whenever we want, it should be
easy to update.
I think I am going to put in my “Best of Carly Simon” CD and just settle
back with a book tonight as Charles won’t be home until around midnight.
For those young’uns out there, Carly Simon is probably before your time,
you were probably all still on breast milk or not even thought of at that
point - smile. Charles and I are die-hard Carly Simon fans and I could
listen for hours, her songs always make me so sad. I LOVE sad songs, I
don’t know why, they just make me feel good. Doesn’t make sense, does it?
Good luck to all of you this cycle and please post to me on my board.
Positive vibes to all...
Love always,
Corinne
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