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Cindy B's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 6/8/01 -------------------- 5/24/01 5/15/01 5/8/01 4/1/01 3/17/01 2/16/01 2/4/01 1/24/01 1/19/01 1/8/01 1/2/01 12/18/00 12/12/00 12/5/00 11/28/00 11/21/00 11/13/00 11/7/00 11/4/00 10/31/00 10/24/00 10/17/00 10/10/00 10/5/00 9/28/00 9/20/00 9/9/00 9/3/00 7/30/00 -------------------- Cindy B's Introduction

September 9, 2000

WARNING: Before you even start reading this, you might want to prepare yourselves for a gripe session.

Hi girls!!
Well, guess what! I'm a packin' my bags!!! I can't wait to get out of here! I'm going on a trip to Berlin for four days. It's not much, but at least a break from the grind of work and school AND thinking about TTC. Sometimes I just need to get away. About every two or three months, I need to just go somewhere for a couple of days -- it doesn't really matter where, either. DH is going deep-sea fishing with the fishing club tomorrow. So we'll both get a break from it all.

OK, so this is the deal: I'm becoming like a stressed-out freakish monster lately and I can't even stand it myself. But I can't help it. I have to finish my schooling and take the state exams, both oral and written. When I even think about these, my hands get sweaty. I HAVE to pass or I can forget being hired by my current employer, where I would like to work. I've never had to do anything like this in my entire life. Well, OK, I have given speeches and presentations -- I have had to do this all the time at school. But the oral exam works like this: I'll be confronted with a theoretical problem and I have 20 minutes to prepare a presentation which I have to present in front of a panel of "jurors" from the school and the national chamber of commerce. I have to know every legal aspect of the situation and describe how and why I've come to my conclusion. The best thing is my presentation has to last at least 20 minutes but not longer than a half an hour. Those of you who are thinking that this doesn't sound too bad, try doing this in a language that you've only really been able to speak for three years!! Sometimes I imagine myself standing there in front of the exam committee and am not able to say anything because I forgot everything, even the language! I need to think positively!! I know it, but sometimes it's really hard!

Alright, this is the other deal; I'm on CD # 78!! I don't even think I O'd. My fabulous sister sent me a BT so I can start temping. My temperature fluctuates between 96.8 and 97.6 degrees. I always take my temperature before I go to the bathroom in the morning, usually around 4 or 5 in the morning. This should be the right time to temp but I didn't think that my temperature would fluctuate so much. Is this normal? Everyone says, "Remember, everybody's basal temperature is different -- there is no 'normal.'" Hmm. I've been spotting too, but this is the third or fourth time I've spotted during this cycle. And I keep thinking that I will see AF and get this dumb cycle over with. To be honest, I think it's lasting so long due to stress. I tried to get an appointment with a different OB/GYN but he's on vacation. I don't know if I mentioned it or not but my current doctor is booked till practically 2001 and I am tired of waiting for an appointment. Since I wrote my first preconception journal entry I haven't had one complete cycle. And I wrote it in July!!!! I always thought that it was nice not to see AF.

I'd like to thank all of you who stuck in here until now. I really needed to get this negative energy off my chest! I get so much comfort reading the diaries from my preconception-diary-writing teammates, and from anyone who just takes the time to read this. I know that I'm really not alone in my frustrations but sometimes I feel like that out here.