It wasn't quite what I expected it to be, though.

First of all, the antenatal appointment was an eye opener. As a pg person, you get so much attention paid to you. It was a far cry from the gyn clinic. I was there for about 2 hours and only about 15 minutes was spent waiting. I spent a lot of time talking to one of the hospital midwives and filling out all my history on my notes. A cool thing here is that because the care is shared between the GP, a midwife, and the consultant obstetrician, the only way to make sure that everyone sees the same medical notes is for the pg woman to carry them around with her. That means I can always see what they have written down and have constant access. Very nice. In the 2 hours I also had lots of blood drawn and was weighed and stuff. Because of my history with bladder infections I am going to have to give a urine sample at every appointment. Oh well, at least I won't have to worry about it myself.

I also had three scans. The first was on a portable machine in the doctor's office, but he couldn't see much on it because it was too early for the resolution on his machine. So, I was sent straight down to x-ray to the big guns. There, she did a regular scan and could see the sac really clearly, but not what was in it. She said I had two choices, I could wait two weeks for another scan when she would definitely be able to see in the sac, or we could do a vaginal u/s right then and she would almost definitely see something. So I went for the vaginal option. With that she could see the baby, and she said she could see the heartbeat, but it all looked like a gray blob to me. It might have been the angle I was at though because Jon said it looked like a crescent and not a blob. I could see the yolk sac really clearly though and that was cool.

Then they started focusing on part of the gray blob that was next to the yolk sac and taking measurements and things. I wasn't really paying attention. We were sent to the waiting room to wait for the scan report to take back to the doctor and for another appointment slip to be given. Then we went back to the doctor's office where he said that the baby was viable and that the radiologist had seen something on the side of the fetus and so we needed to come back in two weeks for another scan to check it out. Then I would come straight and see him and we would talk more about my antenatal care and stuff. Then we were sent on our way. I still don't have a due date, although the scan said exactly 6 weeks, which is right according to my calculations of ovulation. I can't say it helps my worrying that no one seems to want to give me a due date.

So that's where I am. I am trying really hard not to think about this 'thing' on the side of the baby. It could be one of many things that would mean nothing. It could even be a twin that didn't form, since it was next to the yolk sac. Both Jon and my dad think that either the radiologist was just seeing things ( no offence to radiologists out there) or that it will have disappeared on it's own by the 8 week scan. I sure hope so. It certainly wasn't the calming, 'I saw a heartbeat so I can relax a little' scan I hoped it would be. Oh well.

One side effect of all this though is that way that I don't feel pg. Don't get me wrong, physically the boobs are very sore and big, and ms is definitely setting in, but mentally I just don't believe it. I feel like somehow if I don't believe that any of this is really happening, it is just a reprieve from the IF treatments, that if it all goes wrong, I won't feel so bad. The truth is I would feel terrible no matter what and it hurts sometimes to think that somehow this is getting in the way of my enjoying this pg, or even accepting that I am pg, but I suppose it comes with the territory. So now I am just hoping that the 8 week scan will be normal and good and I can start to feel pg then.

Good Luck to everyone with everything

Kim