In the past week I have gone through quite a gamut of emotions. Starting with abject terror that something would go wrong and I would be back in the IF world again. I think in some ways I am more scared of being back in uncertain land of IF then losing a baby. I'm sure that will change somewhat as I get more attached to the little one, but that fear of the roller coaster .... I don't think it will ever go away, at least not until I have a healthy baby in my arms.

The next emotion was some sort of calm. I have actually been having quite a few symptoms already, and I started thinking that since most m/c are caused by a gross genetic defect, that my fate has already been decided and barring doing anything stupid there is really not much I can do to affect it. So I have been trying to keep myself calm by reminding myself that if something does go wrong, I don't want to have spend my one experience of pg completely stressed out and worried. Not to mention that stress and worry won't make my tummy a very happy place to live. So I had a couple of long talks with the embie to ensure that he or she understands how important it is that they stay in there until May. I could be happy with April, but would really prefer May. I did feel calmer after that.

Then on Monday, before my GP appt, I called my consultant gynae, and talked to his secretary. She was basically the first person to whom I said those three words, 'I am pg.' She talked to the gynae and called me back. I guess he considers me fairly low risk because he doesn't want to see me before I am 8 weeks. That's 3 weeks away!!!!! There was no mention of a scan, but my UK mailing list assures me that there will probably be one and if not I will put up a huge fuss. One of the things that is keeping me calm is the idea of seeing a heartbeat early. I was hoping to get in a 6 week scan, like everyone else I know who has undergone IF treatment, but I guess not. Still there is no way I will be able to remain calm, collected and nice in the doctor's office if I wait 3 whole weeks and don't get to see a heartbeat!! I might call again today, just to make sure it is scheduled.

Then I went to see the GP. He took some details of my history but not much, I guess most of that is for the midwife to do. I see her on Oct. 14 and I think she is pretty much in charge of my care from then on. I don't really mind waiting to see her though, she doesn't have the all powerful, all knowing ultrasound machine. The GP then got out that wheel for calculating due dates, but was completely flummoxed that not only are the lengths of my periods not completely regular, but I could give him no more regularity on cycles other then 35 days to 6 months long. And I couldn't even give him a regular clomid cycle, because it had never worked before. I told him the day I think I o'd but I guess the wheels can't figure things out based on ovulation day, so he ended up just saying that I am about 5 weeks and at my first scan they will give me a due date.

I have calculated my EDD as anywhere from May 15 - 20, depending on how you calculate it. I think that is appropriate for a due date, to be almost a week long.

So that is pretty much all the news from here. Oh I mentioned my symptoms. I am already exhausted and taking naps regularly. I also get nauseous as soon as I get into a car (never been car sick in my life, or sea sick, or motion sick of any kind). My boobs are so sore now that at my first aid class over the weekend it hurt to practice the Heimlich maneuver. LOL I guess that's about it. I also get funny hurty feelings, that just aren't quite cramps, but scare me every time anyway. Roll on that scan.

I am sending pg dust to everyone on Preconception.com. I hope it is good dust.

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