It has been a good break. I think I need to leave the BBs behind for a while, at least until AF comes because it is just like a bad addiction and getting me down at this point. They have been a wonderful source of comfort, but I need to focus on me for a while and not imaginary (thus far) babies.

My brother came to visit for two days all the way from Ohio. It was a last minute thing for his spring break and now he is in Scotland with a friend. It was really good to see him and it was the first member of my family so far to make it over here and see where we live. I don't see him very often and it was fun to go out and hit the town (only water for me though). He is also an MD/PhD student in his third year so I picked his brain a little bit, not too much since he is on vacation, but it turns out that one of his MD/PhD friends works for one of the top PCOS researchers, so I can always contact him in the future if I have trouble with my GYN. He also agreed that I should change doctors, which made me feel better, and helped me get past some serious self-diagnosis, which I want to avoid as much as possible. It was really good. I wished I could have gone with him to Scotland since I LOVE it there, but I had an appointment with a new GP today.

It was actually a pretty good appointment. She was really tired (I was there at the end of the day), but she made me go down for a pg test, just to make sure, while she sent for my records and saw the rest of her patients. Then she saw me again so she could spend more time with us. I felt bad switching from one doctor to another in the same practice, but I was glad I had in the end. Even though she was really tired she spent time reassuring us and talking to me about why I have sped through the diagnostic tests. I felt like she was really listening and giving answers based on my background. Plus, she was the first doctor to take notes on my LMP and previous history. She suggested stopping the temping as it is probably not helping. I said that I was worried about spending a fortune on HPTs and she suggested scheduling a test in the practice once a month to ease my mind, but otherwise trying to forget about it. She said not to worry about the endometrial cancer risk. That she would start to worry about that when I had been having only one period a year for a while. As for the long cycle, she thought that it would be best to wait for six months before really getting worked up.

Normally I would not have liked this, but because she talked through our concerns I felt much better, and anyway it will be another two months before I see the gyn anyway, so it is half dozen one way, six the other, I might as well feel good about it. I also feel like if in four weeks I was totally freaking out, or if anything really weird happened I would be able to call and she would talk to me about it. She also went over Jon's two SA results. She admitted that they weren't great and that she was consciously pointing out the good points, but that there should still be one million sperm that are okay and it only takes one. She told us quite a few positive stories and then talked to Jon about what he may have done or been taking that might have affected his sperm count. He is very thin anyway, but before Christmas he had been getting too much exercise playing university basketball and had lost about 12 pounds. He has gained them back, but she pointed out that extreme exercise can mess up hormone levels in men as well as women and as long as he is back to his optimum weight and eating healthily there is every reason to think that his next SA in three months will be okay. I also think that his new vitamin regimen will help and I am banning his lycra undershorts that he plays in. He will just have to adjust to playing in boxers.

He cried when we left the doctor's office today. I think just from the relief that she had talked everything through with us. It was the second time he cried about this in a week. The last time was the night before the computer crash, when he realized that he had misread the thermometer in the morning and had led me to believe I had had the highest temp since cd14 when in fact it had gone down.

This has been really hard on both of us. I am sort of glad to stop temping. I might check once a week or once a month to see if I ever go above 98, but I feel better about this. I think we are going to use the long wait for the gyn as a cooling off period babywise. Give ourselves a chance to go back to the couple we were before going off bcp. I might even be more motivated to really look for a job again. You never know what might happen.