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Home › Diaries › Kim's › April 10, 1999

Kim's Diary Entries

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April 10, 1999


I feel better than I did on Thursday, not miles better but not on the verge of tears all the time. I got some really wonderful support from an e-mail friend going through the same thing and some positive thoughts from some other very kind people. Yesterday I spent the day out of the house and that was really good, too. I also had my first acupuncture session yesterday. The acupuncturist, W, was really nice. We talked about my whole history and what tests I have gone through and the results. W said that she has had successes with anovulation, but not really with PCOS. Since my diagnosis won't be made for ages, and the test results are unclear, she said woould hold back on being too negative and that we would give it our best shot. She is also an herbalist and is going to give me a personal prescription and we are going to see how that goes. She said that even if nothing happens with regards to ovulation, I would have boosted energy levels and in general feel better. I figure at the very least, it will hopefully help me deal with the stress of everything. W said I have a weak pulse, which could explain how lethargic I have been feeling lately as well. I believe her, but I also think it has something to do with the feeling that I am slipping back into the grasp of depression. The biggest clue: I keep not wanting to get up in the morning, because I wish I could just sleep until AF gets here. I keep wondering what the point is of being awake for the wait.

I know that it is a bad sign when I start thinking "what is the point" of things. However, when I am up and about, I am doing pretty well so I'm pretty sure I can kick it. With the acupuncture and books and things we don't have any money left for me to see a counselor at the moment. But my bouts with depression tend to directly follow major stresses in my life, not ( I don't think) chemical imbalances. I think that this 104-day cycle counts as major stress, and I know from experience that I can get through this. You will not be able to imagine my joy when I finally see some blood on the TP. We'll have to go out and celebrate.

But, back to the acupuncture. It was really strange. I only had a short session with the needles because we spent most of the time talking about my history and symptoms. When she put the needles in, I couldn't really feel it (they are really fine) but she would maneuver them into the right place, again I couldn't really feel that, and when they were in place I would get a distinct tingly numb feeling at the site. It was very distinct and very wierd, not painful exactly. When she put one in over my right ovary it felt like there was a weight pulling the needle down toward my feet -- again not painful, just like the site was heavy. But realize that I was lying on my back so this wasn't gravity. It was really interesting and really relaxing. Once the needles were in I couldn't feel them at all. Well, one on my leg felt like it was burning briefly, but the feeling passed. I am going back a week from Wednesday.

I am going to try to take a break from thinking about this whole thing this weekend. I can't really say take a break from TTC cause I haven't had a chance yet to TTC, but I need a break from thinking about it.



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