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September 4, 2002
First, I want to thank everyone out there that's praying for me. :o) I appreciate it so very very much.
*Don't worry... be happy!
Easier said then done for me but, I am trying with some success. I am happy 95% of the time just a big fat worry wort. I have always been a worrier even as a small child I can remember worrying a lot. I remember I would always cry when my parents left me at a friends house. I would cry because I worried they wouldn't come back and get me. I even did this for the first couple days of Kindergarten! Even though my parents always came and got me I still had the same fear over and over till around age 5 1/2! The weird thing is that I had never been lost or away from my parents unless they left me on purpose. I wonder where this fear came from. I still have a fear of being left places by myself for some odd reason. I don't mind being by myself or going places alone. It's just when I am with someone else I fear that we'll get separated and I will be left behind. My other big worry is about things that are out of my control. I think it's because I am afraid of going down this lonely road of a complicated pregnancy again. I am very willing to go through it again if I have too but, I can't fool myself any more. I am extremely fearful about it. I worry about Seth and how he's going to be if I have to be on bed rest and hospitalized. Some people make things look so easy and like they haven't a care in the world. I have to say I envy them. I wish I could be as foot loose and fancy free as they seem to be! I am trying to be but, worrying is like a bad habit to me. It has gotten a bit easier to blow things off and know that what's going to be is going to be. All my worrying is usually ends up for nothing. It's such a waste of energy! I just wanted to touch on this because it's part of what I am feeling at this time in my life. I feel as if I can control the worrying for the most part so, I don't feel medical intervention is needed. Does anyone else worry a lot out there?
I have been feeling a bit emotional lately for some reason too. I can't quite put my finger on why though. I think it's just this time of year is so busy for us. August - October are big b-day months for us! I am going to get fat from eating all the yummy cakes! (I am a cake lover if you couldn't tell. I really like the frosting as well.) I feel like I can't get anything done or for that matter do anything right. I am afraid I will forget to pay one of or bills or something stupid like that. (With our lawn service one, I somehow overlooked the taxes so now I have to send them a $2.00 check! DUH!!!) I am and always have been a organized person. YIKES! Sorry this entry is such a downer I just needed to vent! I feel better and lighter already! :o)
*Daytime Soaps*
Does anyone out there watch any Soaps? I am not a huge watcher but, I am addicted to All My Children. I have been watching it for approx. 12 years now! That's a bit scary to admit...but, I am hooked! The story line has been pretty good lately too. Does anyone else watch this particular soap? One crazy thing I always think is that I would enjoy having a part on it! I know it's crazy but, a girl can dream right!?! It's so interesting to see what the writers will come up with next. Sometimes it gets a little boring but, for the most part I think they do an okay job. It's funny how I end up rooting for certain characters to get together. They just brought back a old character who supposedly died in a plane crash. It's made it a bit more exciting for me since I really like the actress playing the role. One thing that annoys me is when they change people and try to pass them as the same character. I recently found out that we have the soap network channel. I don't watch it too often but, it's nice to know in case I miss it during the day I can catch it at night!
*TTC news*
Not too much to report in this area. I don't chart or keep track of what CD I am on so I really couldn't tell you. I was kinda curious though. Maybe someone out there could answer this for me. Since my cycles are either three weeks with it sometimes being four weeks. When is the right time to test? Should I wait until after my four week cycle is do or could I test earlier? It has me a bit confused as you can tell. I do keep track on when AF comes and the last time she came was August 18th. I think I'll wait to test until the four weeks.
May all your hopes and dreams come true!
Thanks for reading,
~Kathy :o)
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