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Jen & Jake's Diary Entries

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September 1, 1999


Unfortunately, it happened to be another disappointing month for Jake and I. After a month of strange symptoms, weird LP ..... I got AF, even 4 to 5 days early. For one thing, that rarely happens -- almost never for me -- and second, I've had severe cramps, that make me double over they hurt so bad, some clotting and heavy, heavy flow, even today on day #5. I'm usually over her by now. Anyway, we are getting a little disenchanted with the whole idea now. For some reason, we just expected to be pregnant by now; we are doing everything right, timing is right, I'm ovulating. We just don't understand. We are now looking at summer baby if we get pregnant anytime soon. I guess we can't plan everything.

Everyone keeps telling me to just NOT think about it, "Comm'on Jen, just relax... don't stress about it. When you don't want it, that's when it will happen." So tell me ladies, how do we trick ourselves into all these unfelt emotions??? Do we have to come full circle to a whole new self???? I don't understand how everyone can just tell you to not think about it. When you want something this badly, something this perfect and precious and amazing, how can someone turn that off??

Poor Jake, I actually came down on him about all this. I almost want him to get tested. He is so cocky about it, saying, "Oh don't worry honey, there are plenty of my boys to go around." (give me a break) He refuses to think there might be a shortage of his "boys."

I just don't know. When is the time to start getting concerned and to confront a doctor about it? If its something that can be remedied, than I want to start NOW, if everyone says wait a while and the same thing can happen now as then, why not get started now on fixing a problem if one exists???

This sounds totally self absorbed, but I don't know what I would do if it took us several more months, years or longer (God forbid)... to get pregnant. I think I might seriously go out of my mind....

Jen



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