728x90
my iParenting
From Our Sponsors
Get Pregnancy Information
e-newsletters
Sign up to receive our free weekly e-newsletters

new terms of use
new privacy policy
award-winning products
The iParenting Media Awards program helps parents find the best products for their families.
Home › Diaries › Jen & Jake's › August 4, 1999

Jen & Jake's Diary Entries

Diary Navigation:

August 4, 1999


Hello Ladies:

Well, I've had just about as much as I can take! YUP, a Poopy week for sure! We had a lovely time camping in the northern mountains of California--the entire time, consumed with the thought that I was pregnant. I just thought for sure I was; I was a day late with AF and got home and took a HPT immediately--negative of course, and started my period an hour later. I cried and cried. I was so sure after listening to every instinct (which I will never do again). Well, remember the story I told about the friend that was mad that we were trying to get pregnant? The one who told us we were only trying because THEY were (which we had no clue of, since they didn't tell a soul)? Well moments after I took the test, I find out she is pregnant. I lost it. Ran into the house, cried and cried and was GREEEEEN jealous! It was sooo in my face too, because of the whole drama about us trying in the first place. Needless to say, Jake didn't know what to say or do; he began to be logical about the whole thing when I flew off the handle and said, "Oh stop it- stop telling me how to feel! You just don't get it do you??" So now that I have completely lost my mind, I'm kind of floating around with no direction. I'm never like this; I never get upset this easily. And most of all, I feel like a huge mistake of a friend- I'm not even happy for her!!! How sick is that? She was one of my dearest friends!! So, I'm working on that whole issue within myself too.

So, in the past few days, I've asked myself a hundred times- why we aren't pregnant; why do people who don't even try get pregnant, and those that are consumed with it don't. I can't win here; I can't trick my mind into not wanting it only to relieve myself of the stress that causes us to NOT conceive. It just doesn't work. So, now here I am again- at the beginning of the month, the beginning of another cycle..... doing that damn waiting game- hoping that I either get pregnant soon, or pray that I don't want it so much anymore.

TTC #1 Cycle #4 Day #4

Jen



previous diarynext diary



 
want to keep a diary on iParenting?
Authoring a diary on the iParenting network allows you to chronicle your family's story, preserving it for years to come. It's also a great way to get the most out of the iParenting community.   Click here to start...