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Home › Diaries › Chris F's › September 27, 2000

Chris F's Diary Entries

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September 27, 2000

C1, CD1

Well, AF showed up today after my temperature this morning took a dive to pre-O temps. It always amazes me how our bodies work. Well, I was so excited today thinking about TTC that I got out the calendar. If I have a 28-day cycle, I might just miss BD'ing this month because DH has his month National Guard drill that weekend, LOL. Well, I can hope I am a couple of days longer in O'ing.

We took the boys to the Dougy house this Monday for orientation. It's group workshops, like AA for kids. They only deal with death there: parents, sister or brother, or grandparents. They are divided into groups by age and what type of death, so that the kids they are with are kids they can relate to. The kids were very excited, and I totally left it up to them as to if they want to go, and they do, so I am happy. My DH went with us, and although he thinks it's a good thing for a "major" death he didn't think it was necessary, and he thought it would "bring it all up again." This really hurt me because the pain really has never stopped for me. I know it might not be as hard or painful for the kids, but you never know. I think this is a major death to me; she was my daughter, even if she was only 11 days old. I knew her for the whole 9 months I carried her, and talked to her and prepared for her. I love her, and I take comfort in knowing I will see her again someday.

Well, another friend had a baby this weekend, and I don't know if it was PMS or what, but it really hit me hard, I cried about everything. This weekend, songs are the worst. The country song by Lee Ann Womack "I hope you dance" is so touching it brings tears to my eyes. I try not to cry a lot around my kids because it upsets them, and usually I am good about it. I will have to say I couldn't have made it this far in dealing with Abby's death if it wasn't for my best friend Lisa, and all my Girlies on the Internet, thank you ...

Chris, mom to Andrew 10; Wesley 8; Gabriel 4; Joshua 2; Abigail 7-11 to 7-22-00 ~some people dream of angels I held one



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