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Jayme's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 10/6/00 -------------------- 9/13/00 9/4/00 8/30/00 8/21/00 8/9/00 7/29/00 7/25/00 7/21/00 7/20/00 7/18/00 7/3/00 6/29/00 6/23/00 6/20/00 6/13/00 6/12/00 6/6/00 5/26/00 5/23/00 5/22/00 5/17/00 5/15/00 5/13/00 5/13/00 5/11/00 5/6/00 4/29/00 4/22/00 4/21/00 4/4/00 3/29/00 3/13/00 3/11/00 3/2/00 1/8/00 -------------------- Jayme's Introduction

May 17, 2000

Hey ladies! You know, I have been looking at my picture on the diary and I look horrible!!!!! I think I may give another picture one day. Just an update... I am due for AF on the 19th. Will it come? Well, I'm not sure. I am really scared to jinx things. But, I also feel really good about our efforts this month. Could this be it? I hope so. If it's not, then I hope and pray that I am not too upset about things. I hope I deal with it very well this time. No tears and no anger. Which are the top two things I feel and do when that dumb old AF shows up. Those, and fear as well.

Y'all would be the first ones to know, other than my family, of course. Sorry, but they would kill me if I didn't inform them first! GOD! This is so hard isn't it? It is so traumatic and upsetting. I feel like less of a woman. Even though I know that that is not true. I am wishy-washy on this whole thing. I am optimistic at times and others, I don't want to even leave the bed. I am depressed and know that if I venture out into the world, I will bump into an abundance of women with babies and quite a few PG women as well. I am happy for them; but it is just an unhappy reminder of the fact that I am childless. I know that that sounds selfish. I am just trying to be honest.

I really hope that I won't have to go through another cycle. It's hard. I hope to be telling y'all good news at the end of this month. I just have a feeling that it will never happen for me. I can't picture myself PG and just have the feeling that I won't be. I guess that this is one of those pessimistic times. He He... I am just tired of TTC. I know people are getting sick of me snotting and bawling about having a baby. Misery wants company though. So, if I am miserable about having a baby, then I am going to want to talk to people and express to them exactly how I feel. I don't know.

Well, I am going to head out. I do have a few symptoms. They are probably just psychological. I am having to go "potty" every five to 10 minutes. I am feeling slightly nauseous at times. Could be an infection. Probably so.

Sooooo, off to the bathroom I go. I'll post again soon.