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July 15, 2004
Let's talk about symptoms. I am now 11 dpo, and frankly, I feel sick as a dog. Ugh! I must have some sort of stomach thing because I can barley keep any food down, and I have bad diarrhea. TMI, I know. But seriously, I feel terrible. And I've felt this way for about a week. Let me tell you, it's very interesting to feel sick on the train in the morning. I kept having visions of me puking on the train and causing these huge delays because then they'll have to remove the train, and everything would be back up. I would have been mortified to hear over the loud speaker that there is a delay because of a sick passenger...me! Luckily, I have yet to throw up on the train and hopefully it will stay that way.
In other news with symptoms, I had a nice big dip about 5 dpo in my chart (same day I started feeling sick, oddly enough), I’ve had bad heartburn (I NEVER get that!) and I’ve noticed around my nipples odd little bumps. So far, that’s been all my symptoms.
Even though I’m feeling terrible, I don’t think it’s related to a pregnancy. I’m so nervous that this isn’t going to be it, and that it is. We haven’t had much luck with this whole ttc process and I so hate setting myself up for disappointment. I mean, why would this cycle work out when all the others didn’t? I know the IUI is a huge difference but emotionally, I can’t convince myself that it’s any different. I’ve been making plans for next cycle, just in case. We’ll continue with the IUIs, but a higher dose of clomid. I just want to be prepared for anything, you know?
My good friends Jill and Amy have talked me into testing a day early so hopefully I’ll have some news on Saturday morning. Good or bad, I just want to know what’s going on!
I’ve been thinking about things down the road, and if the clomid/IUI cycles don’t work, they would probably want to move me on to injection medication with IUIs. Frankly, I don’t want to do this. It’s not that I don’t want to do the injections, but since my insurance doesn’t cover any of it, I would rather just jump the gun and go right for IVF. We’re going to have to take some sort of loan out for this anyway and I think I would rather have the higher success rates on my side, you know? Besides, my clinic has a shared risk program where you pay a fee upfront, and then you get 4 cycles of IVF with all the monitoring, etc included. If you don’t deliver a baby at the end of these 4 cycles, you get your money back. I thought that at least is a little better plan money wise for us than the IUIs that have less of a guarantee.
I keep thinking about us having a baby and what we’d do when we had it, etc. I’ve been looking at our extra bedroom imagining where we’re going to put the crib and all the necessary baby stuff. I long for it so much. I seriously tear up every time I think of holding my child and I hope it’s soon. Jeff and I feel like we’re so ready to be parents and it’s rough not being able to have that. One day soon…
Non-ttc news in our life is that Jeff finally got his security clearance! Yay! It’s been about 10 months in the making (a whole baby!) and so now he can go back to the cleared part of work and do actual work. He’s thrilled. So am I because he’s so happy about this!
Cinder is SO cute. We’ve been letting her run around the house in short bursts and she loves to go upstairs. She pounds up those things like a herd of elephants. It’s so funny to hear this little 7-pound dog thump up our stairs. She had her rabies shot a few days ago, and was feeling a little low for a few days and off her feed but she’s bright and healthy again and our little ball of fire. She is just such a fun dog. She’s very good at sit and lie down and will often come up to me, growl a little to get my attention and lie down and look up at me like “See? I was a good girl! Treat please!” It’s so cute. And she has these big ears for a Cairn that make her seem very impish. We love our little puppy!
Always-
~Cat
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