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Becky's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 6/25/00 -------------------- 6/20/00 6/7/00 5/30/00 5/24/00 5/17/00 5/11/00 2/14/00 2/7/00 1/30/00 1/18/00 1/11/00 1/2/00 12/19/99 12/7/99 12/1/99 11/24/99 11/17/99 11/10/99 11/3/99 10/27/99 10/13/99 10/3/99 9/28/99 9/16/99 9/11/99 9/9/99 9/8/99 9/6/99 9/1/99 8/30/99 8/23/99 8/17/99 8/15/99 -------------------- Becky's Introduction

September 11, 1999

Finally, the guy helping me fix my garden turned up. We spent the afternoon ripping out old plants and weeds. My temp is still the same. I've noticed that I still have lots of creamy CM; this happened last month as well around this time.

Temp the same. Despite all my efforts I'm starting to obsess. I just wish I could forget all about becoming pg and just let it happen. It's going to be so funny to go through a cycle when we've had our baby and get to 'O' time and not have to BD like mad; I'm sure I'm going to think it's such a waste!!! It's so hard now when I see pg women I just keep thinking that it should be me. I would be due in only 3 weeks. So many people came up to me when we lost our baby and said, "It just wasn't meant to be." Deep down in my heart I believe this, but for some reason at the moment, I'm finding it hard to deal with. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before but I think I could possibly have lost our baby due to me eating something with Listeria in it. If this was the case, I can't help but think my baby WAS meant to be but something stopped that from happening. People are so quick to make off the cuff remarks like, "It wasn't meant to be" and "Just relax and enjoy making a baby." I will NEVER do this to anyone again. All of you who have been trying for a while to conceive a baby know that it's hard to have fun on the fifth consecutive night when you have to DTD and it's the last thing you want to do. Not everyone who loses a baby thinks that it happened for the best and even if they do, it's the most insensitive comment for someone else to make.

Obsession No:1 I'm sure my boobs are just a little bit more sore. Obsession No:2 Funny taste in my mouth. I can hear people saying that it's far to early to have symptoms of any sort but with our last pg (we weren't even trying to conceive, we just weren't being careful as we knew we were going to start soon), I woke up 5DPO with the weirdest taste in my mouth and sore boobs; it dawned on me later in the day that the last time I had that taste in my mouth I was pg with my daughter. Unfortunately I can now produce these symptoms on demand and have done so this time of the month, EVERY MONTH!!!! Finally, I have learned and I'm ignoring them. And even smarter, I'm not telling anyone this time that I think we've done it.

We have woken up this morning to hear of Cyclone Floyd in America. To anyone involved I wish you all the best and my prayers are with you. Our news bulletins have told us that 2 million people have been evacuated down the East coast of America. This is staggering. I truly hope that you are safe.

On an exciting note it's only one year today until the Sydney Olympics, I've not booked any tickets, all I want is to be sitting in the comfort of my home watching EVERYTHING!!! The jump in my temp is interesting, but Fertility Friend doesn't see it as triphasic :-( My temps seem to be on the higher range of normal, my coverline is 36.46/97.65. Anyway, time will tell. Calmness reigns. When you read my next post I'll know ++ or - -. What will be, will be (but nobody else can tell me this)!!!!

Good luck and keep smiling (it makes people wonder what you've been up to).

Becky