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December 15, 2003
What do you say to the people who keep telling you, "When are you going to have kids?". Actually I am thinking of wonderful old Mexican lady who lives next door to us. Yesterday was her birthday and her 6 kids had a birthday party for her (and boy can my neighbors party...yummy home cooked Mexican food). My DH went over to say hello and get food (I was in the middle of painting the living room). He comes over with this heaping plate of food and tells me that they asked something to the effect that when are we having kids so they can come over and play. I know that their intentions were well but the TTC/infertility bitterness swept over me. If they only knew. I just smiled. Could I say "Well, lets see where do we start?. Fibroids, endometriosis, OPKs, Clomid...marital problems...DH is too tired, too sick, on meds, not working...I am too tired, commute far" OH PLEASE STOP I AM MAKING MYSELF SICK. So I just smiled and ate my rice, beans, jalapenos and corn tortillas.
My mom was an OB nurse and she always had 'gestational wheels' around the house. You know, the round wheel that OB providers use with the dates of last menstrual period and estimated date of delivery (or as they said in the old days, estimated days of confinement- EDC-). I would spin that thing around and say, I am gonna have a baby on Christmas, and Valentines Day, and the Fourth of July...and I would spin the wheel to see when I would have a period....but I didn't even know what a period was then! HA, LOL because that witch and I are now best friends and the worst of enemies. talk about innocence back then.
So now I am waiting to O. I had my second round of Clomid this month and have been using the OPKs. I forgot to hold my pee this morning so I tested late and didn't get the best of results. I have one Clearblue stick and so I went to Longs and bought the Iverness Brand. Can you believe that they had to do a PRICE CHECK. There was a long line of people waiting to check out and the girl rings up the OPK last and there is no price on it so she calls for a price check. I had to ask her, "Would you please not say that on the loud speaker? It is almost as embarrassing at saying "We need a price check on TAMPONS, extra extra absorbent value pack 100". Fortunately this young thing didn't say it over the loud speaker. So I get home and I have to pee bad and I couldn't wait another 2 hours to make it the full 4 hours.I look down on the box and the darn product expired in July 2003. Can you believe it? At 25 bucks I am going to return the darn things and get the Clear Blue brand. P.S. I am bitching about 25 bucks when others have to pay 10 to 100 times that much for their meds, IVF, etc.
So now it is CD 18 and I still haven't O'd or maybe I did but didn't test properly as recommended by the manufacturer. I also wondered, "Is anybody else embarrassed or keeping their infertility issues a secret?". I just realized how embarrassed I am to share my news with 1) my neighbor who would probably say a million rosaries for me 2) everybody at Long's drug store at 7 pm 10 days before Christmas and 3) most everybody I know. Why is that?
OK, it is a god awful hour -4am and I need to do some work.
Catch you later
Annie
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