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October 13, 2003
wow. Here I am. Just read a wonderful post from a Julia S. Brought tears to my eyes, reminding me having a faith in God. Also just read Corinn's birth story by pregnancy diary writer Lisa O. Another testimony to faith and hope. Also read Mary Pat's pregnancy diary about her upcoming due date and the loss of her friend's baby.
This was the big week-end of my sister's baby shower. WOW, what work and moolah ($)to prepare but as we say in Cali, "Its all good". Since I live away from my sister I drove the 3.5 hours back to my hometown and stayed with my father. I did the shopping for the shower and prepared to make 3 different types of salads (pasta with roasted red bell peppers, feta cheese, basil, and kalamata olives, and a pasta with pesto and pine nuts, and good old fashion potato salad). For the kids I bought mini corn dogs. We had a few other snack foods (spinach dip and sourdough bread and seafood salad on crackers). On Saturday I felt so tired and I didn't know if I was coming down with a bug b/c everybody at work was sick or b/c I have to deal with marital issues ealier in the day (more on that later in this post). So I cooked and cooked some more.At first it was a lot of fun but then I started to poop out and somehow the Lemon Bars really didn't seem necessary but I made them anyways. My father just couldn't believe how much food I had prepared (you really never know how many people are going to show up). I bought some white mums for a center piece and a baby tier cake (made with disposible diapers, blankets, and baby clothes) for another center piece. All was going well until the morning of the shower. I went to pick up the cake from my girlfriend who makes cakes. Well you know how it gets when girls get to gabbing (especially those who haven't seen each other in a while and they call themselves the ya ya sisters); next thing you know time is flying by and my son is taking forever to take a shower and I have less that an hour to make a 40 minute drive to her house. I called sister to ask her if the time for the shower was 11 am or 11:30 (hey, I sent the invites out a long time before and forgot). OH she wasn't too happy with me. Her reponse was, "You were supposed to be here at 9:00 am". My response was "That isn't what I asked you." OK, strike 1. Well I make it to her house and just as I am pulling in the first guest is there a few minutes early. I felt like doo doo. I am flying out of my vehicle trying to unload as fast as possible and make everything look nice in the least amount of time possible when I remembered how my sister told me how elaborate the shower was for this 1st guest,who is also pregnant. I almost started to cry b/c I felt so bad that my sister was getting a fly by the seat of your pants shower. I just never did get my bearings after that. The shower went smooth with the only other upset being when my sister's godmother showed up late and in front of all the guests asked "Are you pregnant? Are you? Are you gonna have a baby?" God bless her b/c she is the sweetest person in the world but boy she caught me off guard. She followed me into the kitchen when I finally responded, "We have been trying but I had 2 miscarriages". She said, "Oh" and that was the end of that I did remember how she did adopt her son and never had any of her own children. I figured it was an innocent mistake but you know how ackward those moments can be. My sister seemed to have a good time. At 36 weeks she looked so tired at the end and kept yawning. I do have to say that the funniest game was guess what is in the diaper game. I melted different kinds of chocolate candies in newborn disposible diapers. I used a microwave to melt the chocolate causing the chocolate to burn and be just a little stinky. My poor aunt was in shock thinking it was the most disguesting game and the photos on my sister's mother in law (facial expressions while looking and trying to guess )were hilarious. When my brother in law returned home he thanked me twice for giving my sister the shower. He said that it was so nice of me to prepare the food...yada yada but I don't think my sister really said thanks (or else I can't remember). I guess I really ticked her off for showing up late??? Pregnant ladies, I tell you ;)
On a more serious note....the day before the shower was when I met my husband and the realtor about selling the house. OH WAS THAT PAINFUL. It was the first time I saw my DH is 2 weeks. We have been talking about sellling the house for awhile (I moved away to take a job elsewhere and he was supposed to come follow me) but have been reluctant to do so b/c of the housing prices climbing so rapidly. On one hand we will be making alot of money by selling our houe but on the other, I am afraid that we will not be able to return to the area because the prices are climbing so rapidly if we choose to return. So I showed up for the meeting with agent and my DH at the house and I was overcome with emotion. We signed the papers and my DH husband whispered in my ear "Why do you hate me so much?". I never said that I hated him on the contrary I love him tons, I just hate his behavior at times and the words that he uses. After the agent left we sat down and talked for a little while. DH apologized for his behavior and asked for another chance. He said so many things and acknowledged that he had to make some changes. I guess my leaving finally opened his eyes. Now granted I have to work on my issues too but what I am mostly talking about is his need to be controlling and his verbal abuse. There I said it. The freakiest thing about all this was he told me to wait and see and to not make it easy for him. He said that he realized that he knows he will do and say anything to get his way (part of the problem). It was definately an AH HA moment. So we plan to live apart for awhile and try. He connected with a Christian man who has taken him under his wing and has been taking him to a men's group. So time will tell but I am really trying to have faith and hope in all of this. I also realize that I am going to have to be forgiving but at the same time strong. I have lots of healing to do if we plan to stay together. OH my, that is not going to be easy. I am reading a great book about abuse called "Ditch that Jerk". It discusses the differences in men who can change and those who can't. The bottom line, the person must want to change on their own free will. DUH, that didn't take 15$$ of written words to figure out but this book has been really helpful for me because I can identify with the descriptions of the men and the relationships. DH just can't believe I am reading this book but he has even said that he has been an A**.
Goodness, I am getting tired. Typed my fingers away.
I am looking forward to my OB/GYN annual appt. on the 30 th. I plan to ask my doc (the sweetest RE/OB guy in the world) about my fibroids and my fertility preservation. While DH and I are not longer actively TTC I curious to see what the MD approach will be since it has been greater than 1.5 years since my last pregnancy. I really hate having the time bomb of the big 40 looming around the corner but I have faith and I have hope that I will have another child (even adopt) sometime in the next few years.
On that note,
Goodnight and sweet dreams,
Annie
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