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October 1, 2003
Feeling like crap.
If you read my last post about the 'mistake' that my hubby got into , well I told him how dissapointed I am in him and that he always seems to find trouble. Well did he let me have it. He ranted and he raved and told me that he wanted out and that I am not a supportive wife. I COULDN"T BELIEVE IT. Then I was even more angry b/c I thought to myself, what if I was pg and now you say this ? I just fell sick and very distant. Well he is really getting pissed with me b/c I am just vacant, so he started up again and now proceeded to tell me what a terrible mother I am and I am ruining my son, etc. He told me all sorts of stuff (on the phone) about not seeing a future with me, yada yada. On Sunday I told him I wanted out of the marriage and he was just floored. He cried and pleaded for me to reconsider. He stated that he doesn't even remember what he said. We have been together 3 years but a very hard two years and I don't think I have the drive to keep going forward. Too many words were said (repeatedly week after week, month after month). We have done couseling briefly, gone to church once, what else, oh yeah, tried antidepressants for a bout 2 days. I am so scared b/c what if this is the month that we did get PG???? I guess I will know in a couple of days.... .
This is not the type of environment that a child needs to be born into but if I am I will take the best care of my baby. Fortunately I have alot of resources but I have done the single parent thing before and that is so very hard, especially on the child.
Oh my my. Prayers please b/c I don't know what I should do.
Tired and drained with the drama that doesn't go away
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