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September 14, 2003
First, thank to you who posted on the ideas for the baby shower. I have some great ideas that I will be using b/c of your suggestions. I feel bummed for the other diary writers who do not their TTM boards up yet. That is part of the fun of being a diary writer b/c you get to 'hear' what others have to say.
It is late Sunday night and I really should be in bed but I thought I would post b/c it appears (Major drum roll in the back). That my DH is really starting to take TTC seriously. We have be trying for 2 years but after the last MC 18 months ago we have been on an emotional roller coaster with our marriage, the loss of our pregnancies, the lost of a close friend, and multiple moves. I wish I could be one of those women who says, "I have the greatest DH.." but our marriage has really been a struggle from day one (doesn't help when you sister causes a big fat druken scene at your wedding!). My husband dud pride himself on being the lone ranger and for the first few months of our marriage all he would talk about was the single life he left behind. Well that got old real fast. Finally I told him, if it was that great then go back to it. Long story short, he finally does realize what he has. Needless to say everybody was telling me DONT BRING A CHILD INTO THIS WORLD WITH ALL THE MARRIAGE PROBLEMS YOU HAVE and the one that really hurt, WITH 2 MISCARRIGES GOD IS TRYING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING . The problem was, I didn't want to listen to them. Fortunately I had a great therapist who really understood that primal urge to procreate, especially b/c the window of opportunity is narrowing. She was able to get me through the multiple stresses and losses in one piece. We really didn't talk about infertility other than the loss of the pregnancies and the grief associated with them but I think that therapists who deal in infertily should readily advertise their services as many women (and men) are experiencing so many issues with the ups and downs of infertility.
OK so fast forward. My DH and I are doing better. We have set the ground rules for our marriage and are trying to make our marriage successful. My DH told me the other day that he really really wants a baby and asked me when is the time to try. I told him that he had to go and buy ovulation predictor kits and he said OK. WOW, I AM SHOCKED b/c I didn't think he would (oh surprise). I guess I wanted to see how serious he is about having a baby. For the past few months, something always came up around those most fertile days and you can tell from one of my posts that I had a meltdown. I about FREAKED OUT over it and that really surprised me. What has been making TTC really hard is that my husband and I have jobs that keep up away from each other most of the week so BD has to be scheduled long in advance. Also my cycles seem to be off and since I don't temp and have a few days worth of EWCM I really don't know when that most fertile time is. OH I am rambling and I am tired.
I guess that is it for now. I am really praying hard for a baby this month. I hope it works.
Annie
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