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August 6, 2003
Wow..I was just collecting my thoughts wondering why August 6th was really standing out in my mind and then I remembered, it was the day that I had my first miscarriage two years ago. They say that m/c anniversaries can be hard but I sort of forgot about it until now. I was more focused on what a co-worker said about me not having a child for so long. We were eating lunch talking about the staff members who were pregnant or most likely to be pregnant when my co-worker said something to the effect of, "Look at you, you haven't had a child in 11 years at least I had one in the past year". It was the sort of comment that you would say to yourself, forgive them for they know not what they say. There wasn't any malice in the 'comment' but it still struck that sensitive..."I can't get pregnant" bone.
Last year I lit a 'vela' or candle in memory of my baby. I think I will do the same this year. That miscarriage was very devasting for me and my husband as we really were so happy about being pregnant and so shocked to have had a m/c. (I is a crying now thinking about my baby's baby spirit in heaven somewhere)
So I decided to go for a treat and get a pedicure. RATIONALE: 20 year high school reunion coming up. OK, now is it my imagination or does every magazine have some sort of page dedicated to pregnancy? a woman can't even sit in the salon soaking her tooties when she sees many a pregnant belly in magazines that focus on fashion and sex. Even 'Glamour" magazine has a couple of pages for the pregnant mama. I did torture myself a little and look at a cute Baby catalogue that J.C. Penny's has. I told myself that I am going to find out the gender of my baby (when it happens) and seriously decorate the nursery. With my son I did not know if I was going to have a boy or girl and I had a generic nursery ( a generic generic nursery b/c we were renting and couldn't paint, etc).
I got to talk to my younger sister today. She is expecting and is due in November. I am so happy for her as she lost pregnancy a few years ago and had to wait 1 year before trying agaiin. Then she had a hard time getting pregnant with this one (and to think, she didn't even know what ovulation predictor kits were until her big sis told her !)
For a time there sis wasn't even allowing herself to be excited about her baby b/c she didn't know if her baby was going to be ok, make it to delivery. Of course the way healthcare is these days, she had to wait weeks in between ultrasounds to get any results and that was just tearing her apart. Fortunately she is married to the sweetest husband. Her hubby watches over her like a hawk. He read all the latest he can in parenting/baby magazines and books. He was telling me how one prenatal vitamin had too much of one nutrient and not enought of other. He then gave me a bunch of fish that he caught b/c that fish had too much mercury and was unsafe for her pregancy and then 5 year old daughter. Just too cute being a protective daddy!
Well time for bed. I need my much needed 8 hours of beauty rest. night y'all and thanks for the welcome on the bullitin board, I just wish I could write something back but I haven't yet figured out the new message boards.
....as the new governor of California will say, "I'll Be Back"
Annie
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