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Amy's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 12/13/00 -------------------- 12/4/00 11/19/00 11/6/00 10/16/00 10/10/00 9/23/00 9/4/00 8/15/00 8/6/00 7/30/00 7/24/00 7/10/00 6/25/00 6/21/00 6/13/00 6/5/00 5/29/00 -------------------- Amy's Introduction

July 10, 2000

Warning: This is not very uplifting!!

I hope that everyone has been well since the last entry! I totally forgot to post last week because of the holiday falling on Tuesday.

I am not really sure what to think these days. As you may have read, my last cycle was canceled due to a large cyst on my ovary. So, I finally got my period, with the help of Provera (and actually AF came after only two days of the Provera -- she came like a raging bull!!!)

I went to the doctor today for ultrasound to check if cyst has shrunk. I was completely going in with the attitude of, "Yes, this is it!!! This will be the cycle we'll get PG!" Well, not only is the cyst still there, it has almost doubled in size! I cannot believe it! My nurse said she would fax all ultrasound pictures and info to RE, who is in the northern part of the state. She said that he'll probably prescribe birth control pills to shrink it. I am not going to settle for that!

I told my nurse that I wanted to see my GYN and find out what's going on. I don't want to keep putting a bandage on this thing with BCP, only to have the silly thing come back when I start the shots. I want to be aggressive while I have the time to do so during summer break! The cyst is quite large and I have to say that I am very upset about it. I am scared that it's something more. It's a complex cyst, which means it has several parts. Well, what are those parts and why isn't it going away? It has caused my ovary to be twice it's normal size!

If anyone else has had this, please let me know! I am probably going to get a call from my GYN --who is SUPER -- and I am going to express that I want it removed. I don't want to take BCP for two - three months, then find out that it's not going away! Let's just remove it ...

At this point, I am not even thinking about the shots -- I just want to find out about the cyst! I am really scared. I have been having a lot of unexplained pains and pings -- but, I have an upset stomach -- caused by stress -- and just figured that those sharp pains were from my stomach. I don't know! My friend says these pains are caused by the cyst -- she has had lots and lots of cysts! I can't understand it!

I know that all of us going through this nightmare are thinking the same thing! We knew exactly how our lives would go -- this does not fall into our plans! While at the doctor’s office today, I noticed a young girl and her husband/boyfriend and the girl's mother were sitting across from me. I noticed that the brand new baby was crying and I saw this young girl pick this baby up and look at it as if to say, "What am I supposed to do with you?" Finally, the mother took the crying baby. Just another moment that makes me wonder WHY?

I realize that everything happens for a reason. Something is bound to work out for us! I have so much more to write about this week. But, I have rambled on enough and it hasn't been the most uplifting experience. So, perhaps I will make another entry later. I have a strange event that I would like to share!

Please continue to write me on the message board! I enjoy so much everyone's entries. When I get sad, I just look at your messages and that really cheers me! Many prayers and hugs to everyone!

Love, Amy