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Yet Another BFN

August 10, 2007

    OK so it's been a while since I last wrote but I haven't really had much to say. But the last five days or so I've been experiencing what some people would say might be early pregnancy symptoms. You know the usual nausea, breast tenderness, frequent urination, bloating, mild cramping, all of which I don't get with AF by the way. So I thought ok this is all new to me maybe my body is telling me something right? WRONG!!!!!!!!!! Well I guess technically wrong.

    So I tell my best friend Elisa, my sister, a co-worker that I trust, and my fellow ttc bff Shannon the crazy symptoms i'm having and I decide with their support to go and get a beta done. I didn't even tell my dh because I wanted to surprise him with the news if it was positive. So I set the plans to tell him just in case the results come back positive. I of course being my usual self procrastinate till the last possible minute, the day I chose to go and have the beta that i'd better call and get my OB to fax the order to the lab. Well I call and of course he's out of the office till next week. Darn! So I call my PCP's office and strike two she's out till next week as well. So they ask me if i've seen anyone else in the office. I recall that I did see my dh's physician once for an ear problem so they decide to ask him if he'll order it and thank God he agrees.

    So in secret besides those closest to me knowing I go on Wednesday for the beta. I wait. I wait some more. Finally it's 10:00 am or so the next morning and nothing no call yet. Of course I couldn't sleep the night before at the thought of telling my dh the good news so I was tired and anxious. So I get the courage to call and they tell me the results aren't in yet. So I wait some more. Finally they call me. The polite medical assistant tells me that the results came back as non pregnant. But that there is still a chance that I could be because there is some confusion about my levels or something. I ask her what she means and she goes on to tell me this story of a friend of hers that didn't have a positive beta or urine test till she was 3 months along and that could very well be the case with me. Huh? I get a maybe you're pregnant result? Of course leave it to my crazy body to come up with some weird result right. I've been told since i've started this process either you're pregnant or you're not nothing in between but now I'm stuck in this gray area. Well this does stink let me tell you because now I must go the weekend without knowing what the heck is going on in my body. Her last words of advice were just take it easy till your OB returns and maybe he can tell you more. Right like I can take anything easy.

     So I will go camping this weekend and "take it easy" as best I can and hopefully I'll have a more concrete answer next week. Although I am obviously disappointed i'm happy with the outcome at the same time. Again leave it to me to over analyze things. Like I told Shannon, I feel like i'm waiting in line to be helped and last cycle I made it to the front went to the help desk and was helped but got there too late and was turned away with only have of my problems helped,(miscarriage) now I must try again the next day hopefully get there earlier and get everything I came for. But for now i'm happy waiting in line and talking to the awesome girls who are also waiting in line for their turn only I had my turn so now i'm back at the end of the line. Who knows maybe they'll call my number first and out of order right? It happens at the DMV why not in life?