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Crushed

July 14, 2007

    Ok well let me start by saying that I feel so incredibly blessed to have the support of all of you wonderful ladies on this site. My husband has been such a great partner and I don't know what I would do without him.

    Ok so here it goes. Last Friday I was supposed to have a pelvic ultrasound done to check for any blockage or cysts and what not. So the day before the u/s, Thursday, I woke up and I was bleeding so I naturally just assumed af had finally come, since I was on like cd 53 or something. I was obviously disappointed by this but went on with my day. The bleeding was pretty heavy a lot heavier than normal for me but still I didn't think anything of it. Later that day I started having painful cramps and back pain and I just felt terrible. Again I just thought wow this period is a little different but nothing to be too concerned about. So the next morning, Friday, I went to work still feeling like crap. At around 11 i went to the bathroom and discovered that I was still bleeding but this time there was stuff coming out as well. Now I won't go into all of the gory details but it did scare me. At this point I was devastated. I called Jeff right away and asked him to come and pick me up because there was no way that I could stay at work. I explained to him what happened and he was as sweet as anyone could have been. He was so understanding and sympathetic and it made me feel good knowing that I had someone who loved me and cared for me as much as he did. So he picked me up and I called my OB to let him know what was happening he told me that miscarriages happen a lot more than most people think and that unless I was having a fever or severe stomach pain or was going through more than a pad an hour that there was no need to go to the er. So I just went home and relaxed for the rest of the day with Jeff. It was hard to try and think about something else. Jeff tried so hard to keep me distracted he took me to lunch and then just watched tv with me. He helped me clean the house and pack, because we left for Vegas the next day. The trip had been planned for months and there was no way I wasn't going. Later that evening we left for what was supposed to be my last softball game of the season. Since obviously I couldn't play we found a replacement but I went to support my team anyway. Jeff is the coach and I am the assistant coach so we had to go. Jeff played his heart out as did the rest of the team. We lost the first game but won the second game because of a forfeit. I told the members of the team and they were very sympathetic as well a few of the girls even said that they lost the game because I wasn't out there to crush the ball. Funny and nice but so not true I suck! I had a hard time telling people because I kept crying but I made it through the day. I made it through the weekend with few emotional outbursts and made it through the rest of the next week.

    Tuesday we went to the OB, the appointment had been scheduled weeks ago. He went over the results of Jeff's previous sa  he hadn't seen them only Jeff's pcp had seen them. They are low because of a low volume. So Jeff gets to go and do it all over again. He didn't really say much about the miscarriage just that it happens and to keep trying. The only thing he said was that I do need to stop stressing out so much because it isn't healthy for me or for the baby when I am pregnant so I'll try.

    So from here Jeff will go and get his sa done and then we will see from there what we do next. I am still taking my temperature and using my fm and we will try again.

    On a lighter note a co-worker of mine decided to start a pool at work for everyone to guess when I conceive who ever is the closest to my conceive date wins the money in the pool. It's nice to know that so many people support me in my efforts to start a family. The good news is that I know that I can get pregnant and I know for sure that I am in this for the long haul and nothing is going to get in my way. So we will continue to take each day at a time and press forward.