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Faith and Miracles

October 20, 2007

This is a long entry so please bare with me.

I went for my pre-op visit with my RE on October 11,2007. The meeting went well. She mainly asked me a lot of questions and filled out a lot of paper work. She explained to procedure to me in detail and she also told me what to expect after the surgery. She gave me instructions on what to do to prepare for the surgery and how to care for myself after the surgery. While she was filling out paperwork I looked to my left and saw a picture that she had on the wall. I am sure it has always been there but this was the first time I noticed it. There were 2 cliffs that were spread apart. On one side there was a mountain goat that was in the process of leaping into the air to land on the other side. At the bottom of the picture there was one word...FAITH

When I saw that I couldn't take my eyes off of the picture, I believe that was a message for me to keep my faith up and believe in the promise that God made to me and my husband. I walked out of that office with confidence that everything would be ok. After her visit I had to meet with the anastesiologst and preregister and pay my co-payment which was only $10.00.

On Wednesday I had to get some more blood work done

OnThursday I picked up my precreptions

Yesterday I checked into the hospital at 9:00am, they put a name band on me and a few minutes later the nurse came for me and walked me upstairs to the fourth floor. They took me to Short stay recovery. I was assigned to bed 8. They already had my gown and slippers laid out for me. I got undressed and I laid down. The nurse gave me an IV which was not fun and then she said my husband could come in. Once he came in I told him to go get something to eat because I would be waiting for a while. So Raymond and Chanelle went to get something to eat. The good thing was that they did have a TV for me to watch so I wasn't totally bored. My surgery wasn't until 12:30pm. Raymond came back and sat with me for a long time. At 12:20 my RE came and talked to me to give me my recovery instructions and to remind me about what we talked about concerning my tubes.

At 1:00 pm a nurse came and gave me a relaxing medication through my IV she said that it would take One to Two minutes to take effect. They wheeled me out of the recovery room into the elevator and we went to the third floor. They lifted me up and placed me on the operationg table . They put leg braces on me and I remember looking around the room. The next thing I remember is a nurse talking to me telling me it was time to wake up. She explained to me that I was in the recovery room and that I had a oxygen mask on. I liked the mask. Getting that extra oxygen felt good. I was very groggy and I could barely move. I could feel my arms and legs but I could barely move them. My mind was foggy and my voice was weak. My vision was blurry also. After a while the nurse came back and took the oxygen mask off and told me to take deep breaths while breathing. I did it. I asked her how the surgery went and she said it went well. The cleared my tubes. I said then all the discomfort will be worth it. I thanked God and felt at peace. After a while she rolled me back to the fourth floor to the short stay recovery and they called Raymond in. As soon as a saw him I asked him what did the doctor say. He told me that she said the outcome was not good. I have an unbelievable amount of scaring that she can't explain how I could have gotten so badly. My left ovary and tube was totally covered with it so badly that she could not remove the cyst without causing more damage. I also had a lot of scaring on my right side. It was unrepairable. The scaring is so bad on my left side that my uterus is attached to it on that side and she doesn't know how that would effect me if I did become pregnant as my uterus grows. I also had polyps in my uterus that they are sending to the lab for testing. They don't think they are cancerous. I also have a fibroid on the outside of my uterus. She showed Raymond pictures but he didn't know what he was looking at so I guess I'll see the pictures at my 2 week appointment. After the doctor talked to Raymond he called our pastor and told him. My pastor's advise to Raymond was to be totally honest with me and not to hold back anything from me. I am glad Raymond told me everything. I didn't cry or get upset. To be honest I am not worried at all. I know what God promised us and from our experience God likes to make miracles out of impossible situations. IVF seems to be the only choice for us. If that's the route that God wants us to take then He'll make a way for us to go that route. Some may wonder then why did that nurse say that they cleared my tubes and that everything was going to be ok? Well it could be several things

1. I was so out of it I dreamed she said it

2. It wasn't her place to give me bad news

3. She got me mixed up with another patient

4. It was an angel talking to me telling me what God's report is

I am leaning towards number 4. I am not in denial I heard what the doctor said. But I also have faith and I know that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains so surely my faith can bring forth our baby.......