Melinda's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 4/24/08 -------------------- 11/3/07 10/27/07 10/20/07 9/21/07 9/8/07 9/1/07 8/12/07, Entry 2 8/12/07, Entry 1 8/8/07 7/14/07 7/9/07 6/30/07 6/26/07 6/12/07 6/9/07 5/13/07 5/6/07 4/27/07 4/26/07 -------------------- Melinda's Introduction

Updated version of HSG results

June 12, 2007

I was out of it when I wrote my last post so here is a updated more detailed version... This past Monday June 4th at 2:00 pm my RE informed me that my tubes are blocked. There is no way I can conceive on my own. My only option is IVF. That's good news for me if I have money and not so good news if I don't. That's how he said it. I was sitting in a chair alone and that's how he said it. In a very unemotional voice he continued to tell me that there was nothing else that he could do for me. Kaiser did not cover IVF. He could recommend a doctor that had a good reputation for sucessful IVF's and because he received so many members from Kaiser he might be able/willing to work something out with me. Before I could even ask about the possibilty of unblocking my tubes he said that because IVF was so much better doctors didn't worry with attempting to unblock tubes anymore because most of the time it didn't work anyway. He asked me did I have any questions and I asked him how did my tubes get blocked, and he gave me the basic answer that I could find on the internet or in books. He gave no hope of sugesting running any tests of finding out why my tubes were blocked. He made sure to say that it doesn't matter the reason the bottom line is that my only option is IVF. As I was sitting there the tears began to roll down my checks, there was no tissue box on his desk. I mean he just gave me devestating news couldn't he be prepared to offer tissue in case I cried? Finally he got off his butt and walked to his file cabinet and got me some tissue. He said a heartless I'm sorry. Wrote down the doctors information on a peice of paper. He didn't even have a pamplet for me to take and sent me on my way. He acted like he was telling that I had a hang nail. Not that I couldn't have children. I walked out of the office in shock. Not just because of what he told me but the coldness of how it was told to me. I had a real hard time dealing with the news. It was hard walking past the nurses and checking out and walking as fast as I could to my car. By the time I did get to my car I was out of breath and shaking. I got into my car and proceded to go back to work. As I got back on the freeway I began to cry, scream, and say over and over again "You promised me" (I was talking to God). Raymond called to see if I was still at the doctor and I told him what happened and of course he didn't want me to go back to work but I told him I had to and by the time I got to work I'd be ok. Once I pulled into the parking lot I dried my tears, asked God to give me the strengh to make it the rest of the day at work and I went into the building. At 7:00 pm I punched out walked to my car and drove the 8 minute drive to church for prayer. I walked into the church went straight to the alter and began to pray and cry out to God. God told me to give it all to Him so I cried and cried and cried. This was the real thing heart renching, snot flowing crying. I was there for about 30 minutes when one of the other members came to me and she began to pray for me. She tried to get me to stand up and I couldn't I was crying so hard. She didn't know what was wrong but she held me in her lap while I was curled up in a fetal position crying. I wasn't just crying for the news I just received but for everything that I have been going through lately. All together I cried for about an hour. And after that I was ministered to by several ladies of the church. One person was in the same situation that I was in and she now has 2 children and no infertility help. She reminded me about what a Pastor said in her sermon...Our current situation is not our final destination. So no matter how things look right now they won't be like this always. Because ladies right now my life is a mess. But when I woke up Tuesday morning I felt refreshed and ready to face a new day with joy. I'm going to do whatever God wants me to do concerning getting pregant, if that means just waiting on him to perform the miracle that's fine. If that means going through with IVF then that's fine. I'm in the process of finding another doctor that can give me a second opionion on what my options are concerning tests to see why my tubes are blocked and if they can be unblocked.

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