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Warning: I am venting! 5/31/07

May 31, 2007

ttc#1 since December 2005

WARNING: This post will contain complaining, moaning, groaning and b@#$!ing. Sorry in advance.

I am sick and tired of ttc. Seriously, here I am supposed to be oing tomorrow and I don't have even a high on my fertility monitor, let alone any cm. I am soo frustrated. Just when Jake and I formed a plan as to ttc, I stop oing. Although that was the problem before. It just isn't fair that it is taking so long. I mean really, I have been doing a good job of not letting ttc take over my life in the last week and this is the thanks I get! Ugh!

It really hit me last night after I took an OPK and it was still neg. I went to bed and seriously cried to myself and had a long conversation with God. I hope he heard because I left like someone was telling me that I should trust myself and it will happen soon enough. I did feel a little at peace after, but today for some reason, I am all riled up.

Apparently all this has really started to get to me because I have been an emotional wreck the last week or so. Crying at the drop of a hat. Like I was going to take my nephew on Monday the 4th, it's his bday and we don't get much alone time together. Well now my SIL, yes it is her kid, has decided that she is still going to send him to the sitter because he wants to give out bday treats. Um, he can do that on Tuesday. I just don't understand. So, I started crying. Well, tearing up not full blown crying. But I am doing the same thing as I type this.

I think it is just getting to me because I feel like I am freaking out. Like, OMG, what am I thinking trying to have a kid! Who is letting me do this. I don't want to stop ttcing because I want a baby more than pretty much anything. And I have such an awesome support system here that I don't think I could function without you, but then again, I don't know that I am functioning like I am supposed to anymore. So I don't know what to do. It's ok, don't feel sorry for me. I just needed to vent, but thanks for listening.

Shannon