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Amanda's Diary Entries

Diary Navigation:

not much to report

August 17, 2006

Well... as the title says, not much to report.

I'm not sure what happened this month.  I haven't had a temp spike at all... and the temp that I've been averaging is the "high" temp of last month, which according to tcoyf means I'm pregnant, but I'm not.  So... who knows.

I did everything as advised, the clomid on days 3-7, the robbitussin, etc.  We bd'd on the day before I thought I had ovulated (based on my cm and opk) and then last sun my temp dropped about .7 of a degree, which I thought was the beginning of o'ing... but again, never a temp spike.

My birthday is Sept. 4 (Labor Day) so I'll probably test that weekend.  I HIGHLY doubt that there is ANY possibility that anything has happened... and I have to do labs this week to test the raise in progesterone, but for some odd reason I don't think that's going to happen.  (that the progesterone raised). 

today is day 20, and I'm highly pessemistic.  I think that last month I o'd because they started my period with progesterone.   Who knows really... does clomid not work?

I'm depressed because of issues at work.  ...someone accused me of being a racist person.  All of my friends and family who know that I majored in sociology/race relations know that this is false...and that the person accusing me is more than likely racist herself, but regardless it really hurt me and I can't get it out of my head that someone would have the ammunition to even think that.  When I think of someone who is a racist person I think simply of hatred... and I don't want to think of myself as a hateful person.  All in all it was a miscommunication as to why she thought this, and I fully explained myself.  She appologized for the accusation, but it doesn't stop the hurt that was caused.

And then again, it could just be me pms'ing too.  ...I shouldn't be upset... when I told one of my former co-workers, she burst out laughing and honestly thought I was messing with her, or that the person making the accusation was joking because she KNOWS that I wouldn't act or think that way.  ...I don't know.

I guess it's better to be upset about that than to be bawling about not being pregnant, right?  There are far too many things going on right now that are taking my mind far away from ttc... but I'm not going to stop trying!

God bless everyone...

Amanda



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