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Nothin new, 4.9

April 9, 2007

Alright... I don't know where I am or what's going on with the ttc/precon cycle at this point.  I totally thought I o'd last week Mon but my temp's have been all over the place... which is crazy.  Some day's it's 95.9 and others it's 97.0.  It's averaging low 96's tho, so I'm assuming I actually didn't ovulate... which is odd cause it's day 22 and well, usually this happens last week.  I read in TCOYF that Ibuprofen can lengthen your pre-ovulatory period, which I did... so I'm assuming it'll come any day now. 

Hey Preggo's (mind if I call you guys that?  Anne, Helen, and Tiffany)...  did you feel it the month you conceived, and by "it" I mean that it was actually going to happen "this month"?  I've had really weird feelings like God's saying... it is time.  But, it could be wishful thinking too.  Not sure.  It's interesting though that things "come in three's" and not only are my cousin and I trying but another cousin (in law) is attempting to get insurance so that she can begin trying too.  ...I just hope it all happens for us before the summer.

That being said... lemme tell you some crazy things about my husband.  He loves children, and desperately wants them, but he's a guy.... and well guys are just that.  They don't show emotion and really do they even get emotional??  Hmm... anyhow...

We were talking about baby names one day.  Out of nowhere I said "If you chose a different girls name, what would it be?".  He said "Hannah".  I thought it was odd cause never in a million years had he ever mentioned that name.  Two days later (mind you this was like two months ago, if not longer) I was in my car, waiting on someone and I began flipping through the concordance at the back of my bible... and of course I was looking for verses about baren women.  I wanted something to lift me up to know that this depressing subject wasn't going to last forever (something enlightening, ya know?).  ...alas, I was brought from a Psalm to   1Samuel.  If you read the first three or so chapters in first Samuel you find that a woman named Hannah (weird?) was baren and begged God for a child and gave birth to Samuel.  Interesting.

Beyond that... the other day we were with a friend at her birthday party (Authentic Greek restaurant.... I tried musaka!!  --ever seen "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" where the little girl says "It's musaka" and the other little girls say "Moose caca?" and run away laughing??).  My friend got this really cute pink and green plaid bag with ropes for handles and such (Bath and Body Works) and Eddie said "Man that would be a great diaper bag".  ...I've been asking why he said that for a while but he won't say... just says "I don't know". 

So... anyhow, beyond my "feeling" that's my proof.  And, without being "cocky" or "know-it-all" I want to say that I'm still begging God daily for a child... and attempting without reason to gain a better and more fulfilling relationship with Him all the while (not only will it be more beneficial for a child to grow up in that environment, but I really need it).

We're still on clomid and although Eddie has testosterone, he's not really using it.  I'm just hoping we "accidentally" bd the night before I ovulate and then that night I can reassure the deal.

Tiffany-- thanks for the comment.  It was nice to hear from someone on the boards!  A friend of mine and I were talking about escaping from the evilness of this life and going somewhere for the weekend... so honestly, maybe sometime before memorial day? 

Love to you all...

Amanda