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Helen's Diary Entries Diary Navigation: Choose A Diary Entry -------------------- Latest Entry: 5/23/07 -------------------- 4/14/07 2/6/07 1/20/07 12/27/06 12/23/06 12/5/06 11/26/06 11/15/06 11/8/06 10/28/06 9/29/06 9/10/06 8/1/06 7/19/06 7/2/06 6/20/06 6/6/06 5/30/06 -------------------- Helen's Introduction

My poor Rabbit

June 6, 2006

Hi everyone, well firstly let me start off by telling you about my week so far, it has really sucked! So, the day after my cousin Penny's wedding, Nigel and I had really bad upset stomachs, we think this must have been from the amount of alcohol we drunk, as no one else seemed to have a upset tummy. On the bank holiday Monday, we went to my parents house, where nearly all my family was. My Aunt brought Penny's kids with her, Damon and Nicholas. My sister was there with her husband and my niece and nephew, my 2 cousins Alex and John we also there. So this made up 13 people all together. We had a lovely day, and went out on the Romney, Hythe and Dymchurch railway. This is a little railway, which has many steam trains, it is very sweet, and I used to ride the trains to school. Anyway, once home, it was back to work the next day. So, it was Tuesday and I was fed up, so I decided to take a half day, and the Wednesday off of work. I was actually coming down with a cold, and I felt really poorly by Wednesday, so I ended up taking Thursday off too. Work was okay with this, I didn't want to take sick leave, as I have a lot of time off with Migraines. So I dragged myself back into work on Friday. Now comes the bit where I get really upset. So a colleague of mine, comes into my office and asks whether she can stand next to my fan heater as it's so cold, I say of course and we start chatting about this and that. She then says, "Helen, I have some news" I immediately new what she was about to say, and sure enough, I says "Don't tell me, your pregnant" she says "Yes". So I am sitting there, trying to look happy for her and be supportive and all I can think is, I don't believe this, this is not happening to me. So this is sounding really bad, but I don't know how to write it, so bare with me, let me go back in time, and explain my reaction. Last year, I was the 2nd, out of a bunch of us at work to get married. The first couple, actually got married about a year before me, but apparently were in no rush to get pregnant. Then, I got married, and one reason why I was so desperate to get married, was to start a family, so we new we would start trying straight away. Third to get married, was another 2 colleagues of mine, who met at work and still work together in the same department, and then finally, yet another working together couple, who are also colleagues of mine got married. So back to couple number one. I had been TTC for a few months, and I got round to the conversation with my colleague, lets call him D, about TTC. He said that he and his wife would like a baby, but were in no rush, and basically wern't trying but not preventing. I started pointing things out about Folic acid etc whilst TTC, he didn't know any of this, they really hadn't looked into it at all. About three months after this conversation, he announced that he and his wife were going to have a baby, so she must have conceived around the time of our conversation, it took them three months to conceive. I was happy for them, and expected that I would be pregnant very soon. So it gets to about November time, and another colleague, not previously mentioned, we will call her M, announces to me, that she is pregnant for the 2nd time. It was her who set me off wanting a baby so badly, when she was pregnant with her first. Both times, she fell pregnant first try! It was in December that I got my 6 positive HPTs and thought that I was pregnant. So I talked with D and supported M, best I could and genuinely felt great for them, all the time struggling with my own turmoil. I had lost a baby and still couldn't get pregnant. So D had his baby a few weeks ago and M is due on the 21st June. So I thought I would be next, but then L announces to me that she is pregnant, which is why I reacted the way I did. It took her 2 months, and she says she wasn't even really trying. It really knocked me for six, I am really happy for them, the news of a baby is so great always, but I just feel so sorry for myself. She was moaning about feeling so ill and sick, I just thought to myself, I would do anything to be in her position. Basically, I feel ashamed of myself for being so bitter. Yesterday, I said congrats to her other half, he looked so happy and delighted, that it nearly brought me to tears. I just feel so pathetic, I want to be rubbing my pregnant belly and be sick all the time, and have scans etc. So on another note, my rabbit was rushed to the vet this morning. His gut has stopped working, this is called GI Stasis. If they can't get it working again, he will die. It's Nigel's rabbit, and he is very upset. It's going to cost alot of money, but I don't care about the cost, I just hope he will be OK. I will update later on in the week. I still have a cold, an ear infection, a cold sore up my nose and on my lip, and generally feel unwell. So this week truly sucks and now you can see why! I hope my next entry is better, Baby dust to all xxx

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