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Talking About Infertility
Telling Family and Friends
By Gwen Morrison
"At first we had decided not to tell our family that we were trying to conceive, but when we miscarried we were forced to tell them," says Collins. "The aftermath of questions and suggestions were a little overwhelming at first. We heard things like, 'Just relax. It will happen,' and 'You shouldn't do so much.'"
Collins says she was a little relieved when the "cat was out of the bag." Even though there was an onslaught of questions and advice about conceiving, the fact that everyone knew they were trying to have a child stopped all the prodding questions about when they were going to start a family.
"Family may love you dearly, but they are not trained mental health professionals, and in wanting to help, they may trigger interaction problems without intending to," says Dr. Machelle M. Seibel, professor of clinical OB/GYN at the University of Massachusetts School of Medicine in Worcester, Mass., and author of Journal Babies. "Also, parents may have different views on many treatments having to do with assisted reproduction, donor eggs and sperm and so on. Their bias may make your decision more difficult."
Dr. Seibel points out that fertility treatments are usually evolutions, not revolutions – they take time to accept. The added pressure of family input may make it more difficult to decide the right course of treatment for you as a couple. "Bottom line, keep family informed at one step behind rather than one step ahead," he says.
Though there are times when you may feel anxious around friends and family for fear of being bombarded with questions, try to keep in mind that they are truly concerned about you. If you find yourself trying to avoid family gatherings, it may be better to be up front with them from the beginning. Tell your family that you appreciate their love and concern but that you will let them know if something happens. Explain to them that you would rather not discuss it otherwise. Chances are, with open communication the dreaded questions will become less and less frequent.
"The only people that know of our 'trying to conceive' journey are my sister and my friends on the Hopeful MomsTalk
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