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Spousal Support

The Guys' Guide to In Vitro Fertiliation

By Kelly Burgess

According to Dr. Brian Kaplan of the Fertility Centers of Illinois (FCI), the irony of the whole situation is that regardless of whether the infertility can be traced to the man or the woman, insurance companies see it as a female problem, because she's the one that undergoes all the procedures. "Even if the guy has a low sperm count, the treatment is in-vitro fertilization," says Dr. Kaplan. "What we're trying to do is refocus that perception and make sure the couple realizes that this is a couples issue."

Dr. Kaplan says that it's important for men to have a sense of ownership in the process, and they encourage that from the beginning by suggesting the men be part of every consultation from the initial visit. "We want to emphasize that infertility is multifactorial and is a combination of etiologies," he says. "The male is also an integral part of our consultation process and becomes very important once we have embryos and are doing the transfer. One thing we're trying to do at that point is make a decision on how many to put in. Male input is critical at that point. That can have so many repercussions on pregnancy rates and multiple pregnancy rates, so they have to know how they feel about selective reduction and the possibilities of multiple births."

At FCI the husband sits beside his wife during the actual procedure offering her both emotional and physical support, an experience that Marovitz calls "life altering." However he says, this support has to continue beyond the procedure room, especially when the procedure is unsuccessful.

In the Marovitzs' case, the first two times they underwent IVF, it failed. After the first IVF, Deb, his wife, was devastated and cried all night. Marovitz says that he just held her and tried to be there for her, but was terrified that she had crossed some kind of emotional line. She finally fell asleep, and when she awoke the next morning she was fine and ready to try again. He realized that she just needed that emotional release. However, he said the partner has to be aware if that line has been crossed into a depression that may require professional counseling.

Want to see more?

• Fuzzy Blue Hippo: A Hopeful Dad's Wait for Conception
• Male Factor Infertility
• The Infertility Marketplace: How Success Rates Are Advertised
• Talk about it!