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Coping in a Fertile World
Tips for Handling Other People's Pregnancies
By Beth Hering
Beyond one's spouse, many women turn to a family member or friend for support. While some women gain a great deal from these encounters, others find such interactions frustrating because they feel the other person doesn't "get" what they are experiencing.
"Don't assume others know what you're going through," Mendell says. In her practice, she has encountered women who have been told by people close to them to "Just deal with it," "Stop being so sensitive" or "Be happy with what you have." While the speaker may not have meant to be insensitive, the comments (usually coming from someone who has never had to deal with infertility) can be extremely hurtful. When going to people who traditionally help out doesn't work, what can you try next?
"My best recommendation would be to find friends going through it as well," West says. "You can say angry, ANGRY things to them nobody else but them would understand."
But don't feel discouraged or isolated if you don't already know others who are sharing your experiences. There are places to turn.
"The infertility blogging community helped me," West says. "The writing itself is therapeutic, and hearing about all these other women going through the same anger, tears and frustration was a lifesaver." West helps others as an online peer counselor for the blog Stirrup Queens and Sperm Palace Jesters.
Dr. Galst notes that women can contact the AFA for assisance in finding local support groups and telephone coaching groups. The organization also can provide referrals to mental health professionals familiar with the emotional experience of infertility. (See the group's Web site at www.theafa.org or call 1-888-917-3777.)
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